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We've been married for almost 10 years this coming January. He was 17 when we started dating and 19 when we got married. Can someone that young still be in love with his wife? Does he ever want to be with someone else, or does he ever have regrets?
I'm just curious because so many people say young people won't last. Are we lasting, or is it just because we have kids?

2006-08-08 10:03:03 · 31 answers · asked by ~SSIRREN~ 6 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Let me elaborate a little, I really hate making my husband sound bad, but I don't know any other way around it, sorry.
My husband has cheated on me, done drugs behind my back, left me multiple times, he has ignored every anniversary except one, works jobs that makes sure he's never home, doesn't take me anywhere, no out to dinner,movies, things like that.
He ignores me most the time when he comes home, never compliments me, surprises me, things of that nature.
But I do appreciate that he works very hard to support our family, and i'm very much still attracted to him, I just can't figure him out. I'ts like living with a stranger half the time. Even the sex is kind of nonexistent right now because I don't feel comfortable being with him in that way.

2006-08-08 10:18:29 · update #1

31 answers

You gave me a great answer to my question, so here goes nothing:

The world is full of temptations. I'm sure you both have had occassions of 'what-ifs'. Temptations aren't something to be afraid of while things are good. But life has a way of wearing us down. Kids, work, house, family & friends.....for every good memory, there seems to be ten 'difficult' ones.
When the tough times wear you down, the temptations seem greater. For him it will be the pretty face that smiles everytime he looks her way, for you it will be a sympathetic ear...someone who suddenly seems to care about you.

Beware tramatic events like the death of a loved one, or loss of a job. These 'big hurts' tend to accelerate the negative feelings that boil deep within us. When we feel injured by God, we tend to lower our moral resistance to temptations.

If he's like most guys, he isn't good with his emotions. Receiving, sharing and supporting emotions is something we all need to work on, but guys are almost always blind in that area. For him, sex is probably his best way to connect with you.

If he has emotional issues that he can't communicate with you, his sex drive may drop. It's hard to feel sexy when the weight of the world is on your shoulders. When you see things bothering him, try to help him get it out....same goes for you. Don't be his mother (scolding him) & don't be his daughter (throw a tantrum), be his wife.
No one knows him as intimately as you...that gives you a big advantage. As his wife/friend/lover/partner you've got home court advantage over all other temptations, use it.

Thanks again for the great advice to my problem!

2006-08-08 10:42:04 · answer #1 · answered by hellsbells 2 · 5 1

It all depends on the couple..their relationship and not how old they were when they got married. I have friends who married very young and have been married 20/30 yrs already...I have friends who waited until their 30s/40s to get married..and it didn't last as they were by then too set in their own ways...All boils down to the couple and how much they are in love and how willing they are to hang in there through the good and bad days. I would say however if you are not sure about your own..and you feel it might be just for the kids as you suggested...:
Plan an intimate dinner with your husband...get someone to take the kids for the night ...light a few candles...put on some music...make a great dinner for just the two of you and TALK to him about it....it will do you both a world of good...then leave the dishes for the morning. ; -)
Good luck to you and blessings on your marriage hon.

2006-08-08 10:12:28 · answer #2 · answered by svmainus 7 · 0 0

What can I possibly say. I married young, and I have had doubts about my husband's loyalty to me. And then I fell into temptation. We are still together, been through quite a roller coaster, and right now are living like honeymooners. The kids play a big part of why we stay together, but ultimately it's also the love we have for each other. In my part, I can honestly say, I am deeply in love with my husband. As far as how he is with me, he shows that he is deeply in love with me or obsessed, but either way, it's not unhealthy, not at this point anyway.

2006-08-08 10:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I'm not sure how to describe this relationship. Lasting? Nope, that's not it. Marriage? Well, you ARE married, but marriage isn't really accurate either. He's left you numerous times. Cheated on you LOTS of times. He ignores you when he's home,and doesn't take you out.. And, as a real bonus, he uses drugs behind your back. OK- I give up. What IS this relationship????? Oh, I know- You are trying to determine just how hideously children can be raised. Lady, this relationship is soooooo bad I won't say end it. I will say RUN- for yourself, AND for your children.

2006-08-08 12:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

As they say in the ads, your milage may vary. There are couples who have grown up together and stayed together until they died. Some don't. It's perfectly possible. Since you are raising this question, perhaps it is time to examine things and talk with your husband. People can change a great deal in 10 years. As for regrets and being with anyone else, everyone has fantasies. It's what we do with them that is important. You probably should have a long heart to heart talk.

2006-08-08 10:19:51 · answer #5 · answered by grassikurik 1 · 0 0

My brother was 17 when he got his 15 year old girlfriend pregnant and they got married; both were never able to experience life to it's fullest because they were too young and immature; people that I meet now who were married right out of High School seem almost the same as when they were in school; I don't know, but why don't you 2 do things that you've always wanted to do? Write a list of things to do before you die(sounds morbid, but it's not) and do them! If you do it together, it will make more happy memories and hopefully neither one of you will think you "missed out".

2006-08-08 10:11:42 · answer #6 · answered by sweet ivy lyn 5 · 0 0

It's not good that you're not sure.
You should be in marriage counseling.

But yes, happy marriages can last forever. I've been married 15 years (since 25) am happy, don't have any regrets, don't think about anyone else. Good love actually grows, but it takes work.

Ok, let me elaborate:
You married a bum. That's what you picked that's what you got. You're trying to hope he's more than he is. He's a bum. He works hard - big deal. He does it on his terms and frankly he's sticking around because it's "cheaper to keep her".

2006-08-08 10:08:53 · answer #7 · answered by Salami and Orange Juice 5 · 0 0

I know for a fact that men think about being with other women even when a relationship is first starting. It's the real good love that you give him that makes those thoughts end quickly. Come on, don't act like you don't ponder other men, because I do all the time. But I love my man so I won't act on those thoughts. Your love is lasting, don't think otherwise.

2006-08-08 10:08:24 · answer #8 · answered by ecspressa 1 · 0 0

Men have a biological tendency to spread their DNA, their seed, so they feel prone to other women, some men love their wifes so they withhold their appetites, some just cheat, and some are honest and when they cheat their wifes they tell them. But be sure that loves exists and is a strong force that can hold together a couple through lots of tempting opportunities.

2006-08-08 10:12:07 · answer #9 · answered by runlolarun 4 · 0 0

Good grief. I feel sorry for you. You shouldn't be doubting your love after this many years. I got married when I was 19 too and have stayed married for 17 years. Your age does not count nearly as much as your maturity level. Also, you should try asking him, not total strangers.

2006-08-08 10:08:18 · answer #10 · answered by Cybeq 5 · 0 0

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