Getting back together after he cheated?

Question

Okay, my husband cheated and I left him. It was going on for quite awhile and we tried to make it work, but he just didn't stop. So I moved out less than a month ago. At first I was telling him we should have made our marriage work, etc. Now, he is all like he wants his family back but he isn't sure we can get back what we had. Now, I want my family back together too, but I want the man in my life to love me almost as much as he loves his next breathe. I want to be invaluable to him to the point where he would never want to hurt me. I don't want the man in my life to be tentative when it comes to me and our relationship. Is it realistic to think hubby and I can get back together? How do we get back to the way we were?

Answer 1

What??? You expect to be treated as valuable? By your mate? WONDERFUL. Do you want to know HOW to be well treated? Easy answer.---- Don't allow anybody to get away with treating you shabbily. He cheated, refused to stop cheating, and now he's "not sure if you can get back to what you had" Now, I suppose that last translates into- "I want you and the kids, but I also want to keep screwing other girls" Now, to your question-- you answer it. Cuz, the answer IS obvious. What you want, IS what every man and woman wants, and SHOULD get. Too bad so many settle for less. I hope you don't, settle.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

He already told you that he's not sure you can have what you both had before. To me, this means his feelings for you have changed and it probably won't be the same again even though you're back together. Girl, you have to be realistic here. He obviously changed. He may want his family back but his feelings aren't the same. Ask yourself this question: Would you be willing to put up with having to wonder if he'll cheat again? I sure wouldn't!
If a man told me he's not sure if we can get back what we had after he cheated, I would not go back to him. I would just move on instead because this is a strong clue that he doesn't feel the same for me anymore. I wouldn't want to go through the fear that he might cheat again on me and thus have to go through more hell in the future. It's just not worth it. You and your dignity are important too. Your happines and self worth should NOT be defined by someone else. That kind of thing comes only from within. You have to look out for number one.

Answer 4

You can get back together but it will NEVER be the same. It cannot be with the knowledge you've gained. The daily grind of being married and raising a family does not let you regain the type of love you had before. Its part of adulthood. You have to agree to get back together within the guidelines. no more affairs. It cannot EVER happen again. Treat each other with adult love and respect. Appreciate each others strengths and work on the weaknesses. Its the only way it will work. The loss of the coweyed youth type love was what caused the straying eye. To stay together long term you need to settle down and treat each other with respect. and a bit of lust.

Answer 5

what your husband just did he knew what he doing and he knew the choice of do it or not. and he chose to do it and it did hurt his own wife and dis. and I really shocked that you wanted him back. My wife said once if that happen it over because we go tmarried and if I looking for easy way out, cheated my wife and it over period no question about it. and It true men do have choice and i mean not like cheat with no choice but did have it and he did.

I don't understand why and what more do you think he will not going to do it.. he knew what not can have get back what we had?? that he knew what he did. period. not like opps I made mistake. comeone now... we growing up and getting over we know what cheating means and what it does... and telling me he didn't know cheating until he found out that is a cheating means?? ...... I felt sorry for you I do and You made the Decsion that you want him back your life and wish you luck.

Answer 6

SO SAD! I WISH THE WORDS THAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY WOULD MAKE IT ALL BETTER BUT THEY WON'T. ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER AS THE SAYING GOES. IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AS IT WAS. TOO MUCH WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE. IT IS SAID THE FIRST TIME YOU CHEAT IS THE HARDEST AND AFTER THAT IT GETS EASIER AND EASIER. IT DEPENDS ON THE INDIVIDUAL (YOU). HOW FORGIVING YOU ARE, CAN YOU LIVE WITH WONDERING IF HE WILL DO IT AGAIN? I PERSONALLY PUT THIS IN THE SAME CATEGORY AS PHYSICAL ABUSE....ZERO TOLERANCE. BUT THAT'S ME

Answer 7

Right now you have quite a bit of expectations to how you want things to be. It's like you want things back to how they were before he cheated and I'm sorry but it's not realistic at this time. What's done is done on his end. And sounds like getting back now is not ideal for you....at least for now.

Answer 8

I know you are looking for good answers that can give you some insight. I also know that this would create a lot of explanations, so lets make this happen. How's the whether where you are? How are the children? Do you get alone well with his side of the family? I hope you get .................. Oh, back to the point,

Forgive him for what he's done............. "forgive means to excuse "

Answer 9

It is possibly that you can get back together but he has caused serious damage to the relationship. Only time will tell if he can truly change. I personally do not think I would take someone back who cheated on me and continued to cheat on me but only you can make that decision for yourself.

Answer 10

You can't. you are fooling yourself to think you can. He betrayed you before. He showd you his true colors. Are you looking to make a good excuse to take him back because you are afraid to be alone?

Granted, you miss the person you though he was. You miss the feeling like withdrawal from a drug. But if he cheated, then this behavior tell you that he could not turn to YOU, the person he chose to be honest with, faithful to, and share himself with. he turned AWAY from you and went outside your marriage to satisfy a self-serving need, EXCLUDING YOU from meeting that need.

What has to fall from the sky to be any clearer than that? Would it be different if instead of cheating, he were into kiddie porn?

He SHOWED you what kind of person he is, and what he thinks of YOU already. He may be sorry and all, but you cannot unring the bell. And you can't polish a turd.....

Move on, forgive him for his shortcmings, thank him for showing you what to avoid in men, in the future, and get happy.

Don't be needy or desparate, looking for someone to complete you and make you happy. No one wants that kind of responsibiity (or should have to take on). DESPARATION IS UNATTRACTIVE AND SCARES PEOPLE AWAY. And neediness sucks the life out of people.

Some guys cheat because they feel disappointing, emasculated, inadequate, or insecure with their wives. They are afraid of true intimacy; of being vulnerable and trusting their wife with their innermost dark secret fears and self-doubts. They passive aggressively get back at their wives for their own feelings by cheating. They reinvent themselves to other women, and pump their egos back up.

This is not the behavior of someone you can trust, who trusts you, and considers your feelings. Those areselfish things to do.

Think about it...