My husband cheated on me before we were married but I didnt know about it until after we were married. He had another fiance up until about 3 months before we got married! How can I put that behind me and trust him again? He says he loves me and will not do it again and I am the only one he wants.
2006-08-08 09:20:00 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he married you correct
then I would let it go and start living your life with your husband
2006-08-08 09:22:48 · answer #1 · answered by Xae 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Darn!! Usually, I read, and the answer just comes. This one is tough. Two possibilities. IF this is a new marriage, I doubt it can last. Hubby was, and is a jerk. An engagement isn't just a formality, it's a public declaration that two people are in love, and intend to marry. A guy who decides to keep two going is not ready to have an adult relationship. Since he apparently didn't decide which fiance he actually was gonna marry until 3 months before the wedding; I can't imagine trusting the guy. He says that he won't do it again, and you are the one he wants. But, he lied before, so what he says means very little. Now, if this all occurred long ago, everything I said doesn't pertain.
2006-08-08 14:20:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"How can I put that behind me and trust him again?"
That is a difficult question to answer. You should ask a professional...maybe he or she can help you accomplish that. (If that is what you truly want). However...
Consider that maybe the other woman found out that he was engaged to both of you at the same time...maybe he is only married to you because he couldn't have her...ask yourself, if you would have found out the truth before you were married, would you now be his wife ?
If you answered yes then don't dwell, just keep going with the flow.
If you answered no (which is what I would say) then you need to get an annulment as fast as possible.
Overall I believe that this is something major to hide from the person you say you LOVE...
2006-08-08 09:48:43 · answer #3 · answered by Bubbles 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling. Before this eats you up & destroys any chance of a future together. BUT ONLY *IF* HE IS TRULY SORRY & *IF* YOU CAN TRULY FORGIVE. If you don't have the minimum of these two things, don't bother- just file divorce papers now. Also, don't be played for a fool - if he cheats on you again, get out! And please, if you don't have children together yet, put that off until this issue has been resolved. No need to add that stress - remember, you would then have to be involved with each other (through parenting) the rest of your lives!
2006-08-08 09:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by mustanglynnie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is always hard to trust someone that has cheated on you. I believe you can always forgive a person if you love them. But there will always in the back of your mind that the trust factor will always haunt you. My husband cheated on me as well, but it was after 18 years of our marriage. I love him and we are still together, but the trust is something that weakens my soul. I will never forget, but he knows if it were to ever happen again I am gone for good. I could not go through that ever again. I guess the trust after something like that happens does put a hard spot in your heart.
Good Luck
2006-08-08 09:29:40 · answer #5 · answered by roseygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that is a very tough thing to do because when you married him you thought you were marrying this perfect person who you want to spend the rest of your life with, but then you find out something like that and it blows your image of that person. Regardless of whether he married you or not, it was wrong for him to lie to you and keep that big of a secret from you. What you have to do is either forget about it like try and not think about it or if you can't then you will be forced to maybe take a break and try and let him prove that he is not that way anymore. Good luck!
2006-08-08 09:28:19 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no time for people that lie and distort history be for they get married. I'd dump him and stay dumped -- that is real bad self-centered and selfish on his part. That is an impossible basis for a good marriage.
I know we live in a culture that says that past is the past but that is BS in reality, this guy has no morals and you will get the brunt later in life if you don't dump him now.
I had a former wife like this and I did dump her, but I got stupid and took her back, it took a few years but did I ever pay for that mistake. Got into the marriage with a liar and ended the marriage to the same person.
2006-08-08 09:28:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if he did this before you were married, there is no way for you to know if he'll do it again. How long have you been married? How long after you were married did he tell you? If you haven't been married that long, i would suggest getting out while it's still simple (no kids etc). However, if you've been married to your husband for awhile, I would suggest counsling imediately for BOTH of you, so you can work it out and learn to trust him, and he can learn to be trustworthy, because right now, i wouldn't trust him for anything, and you shouldn't either. Good luck!
2006-08-08 09:27:43 · answer #8 · answered by lilgiggle33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to make up your mind as to whether you want to dwell in the past or move forward. If you can't get your mind out of the past or you are better off leaving your husband so that you can focus on being upset about the situation. You will be much better off if you choose to suffer without him rather than trying to make up your mind as to whether you can trust him. Go ahead and assume that you cant trust him again and just wallow in your misery.
2006-08-08 09:25:46 · answer #9 · answered by Joe K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey hes lying. He will do it again. Once a cheater always a cheater. You could try trusting him again but that will only lead him to believe that you are weak. I know that you still love him and you could give him another chance but hell just keep doing it. Leave the relationship now before you get even more hurt.
2006-08-08 09:25:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can a leopard change his spots? I'm going to say no, how long have you been married ? are these really old wounds? if so let it go, get some counseling. i dated this guy for about 3 months once had no idea he was engaged, we went out the day before his wedding hell i was with him until early afternoon on his wedding day. i found out 2 weeks later, what a douche bag, live and learn
2006-08-08 09:32:06 · answer #11 · answered by The Key Master 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋