I've tried making friends with them but something always goes wrong and gets in the way. There is constant lying, decieving, and back-stabing. I can't trust anyone in his family and it's tearing me apart because I don't know what to do. I can't just walk away because we have a child together and I want my little girl to know her family. So I'm stuck, someone please help! I get married in two weeks and I'm driving myself insane.
2006-08-08 09:13:48 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is SOOOOO my family, only it is my poor husband who has to deal with the tention from MY family. It is mostly ok except when my mom does relatively STUPID things but my husband tends to be very good at dealing with her. To settle most of the issues we finally had to draw some definitive lines and make it known that those lines were NOT to be crossed or there would be conciquences. We STOOD UP to them and still have to enforce our point occasionally but we have YET to have to enact the conciquences that we voiced in the beginning. The fact that we stood up to them and came on VERY strong was enough to scare them into stopping the stupid stuff. IF you let them get to you and you SUBMIT, they will continue. IF you stand up and take charge, they will back off. If not, then you do not need the hassle so act accordingly. Remember, you may want your child to know her family but is it worth the pain it will cause if these things do NOT stop? All you need is a little back bone and a strong presence and something to use against them to enforce your standpoint. You are an adult, your daughter is the child and what ever is going on CAN be controlled if you know how. Good luck sweetie! Hope it works out. Need additional advice, feel free to send me a message.
2006-08-08 09:30:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try talking things over with your future partner, perhaps he can sit down with his family and explain that you are the woman that he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with. He can let them know that you are their granddaughter 's mother and for that fact alone they should be showing you respect. Some families it's sad to say but they strive on being nasty and I hope that you aren't marrying into one, but if you are then you'll have to roll with the punches and learn to live with it.
If you think it would do any good for yourself to approach these family members and try and put the cards on the table as to how they make you feel then go for that also. Hopefully they just aren't aware that their behaviour is so upsetting.
Congrats on your wedding, I am getting married also but not till next May. Please enjoy what life has given you, a beautiful daughter and a man who loves you and don't drive yourself insane. Life is way to short for that.
2006-08-08 16:23:27 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what you need to do is get you fiance and sit him down as soon as you can and tell him that you are scared not of marrying him but of how much worse things might get after you do when you have to be around them even more, tell him how you have tried everything to have them like you, that you dont understand why they dont like you in the first place, and then tell him that it realy hurts you that they dont want to be nice to you. that you have never had an extended family like this before and your not liking the way it feels already. ask him if he knows why they are doing it and if there is a way that maybe everyone can sit down and fix this. tell him that you need his support more now than ever. tell him that it is important for your child to see them but that is it not fair that when you are there that you are poorly treated. tell him that you love him with all your heart and that you will be there on your wedding day but that you felt this was something to talk about before you get married. good luck it is not easy, but if you have realy done nothing wrong, then you dont deserve, just tell him that you need his support when things that are wrong are said he needs to stick up for you.
2006-08-08 16:27:36 · answer #3 · answered by Blonds Rock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a perfect world, everybody would love everybody else. Newsflash. We don't get perfect. Now, I'm going out on a limb here, but, I'll bet that at least ONE member of his family isn't psycho, murderous, or bi polor. At least one. Sooo, try to find the least weird family he's got, and make friends with them. BUT, if his family IS that weird, your child would be better off if she has only limited contact with them, and the world IS a large place. Move far from his family. Australia is nice
2006-08-08 21:29:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop looking for their approval. It is important they be apart of your child's life but what they say or do should not effect you and your soon to be husband. You may have to be around them now and then so be social just because your marrying him does not mean you have to "become a member of his family" a family is you your husband and your child the rest are realitives.. Good luck
2006-08-08 16:19:03 · answer #5 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my inlaws and i were at odds but i was always my self no matter what and always tried to be the better person and in the end we came to an un spoke understanding that for my husband and my kids we all get along were friendly and we can be in the same room. It may just take time -- this year my mother inlaw even got me a mothersday present so just have patience and try to be the better person,
2006-08-08 16:28:29 · answer #6 · answered by bdmom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice to have the loving support of his family but if not, I suggest you focus on your marriage in two weeks and hope and pray that their conduct doesn't destroy the fabric of your future marriage.
What you need to do is look at how your fiance is responding to there conduct and whether he is strong enough to stand up to it.
If he isn't strong enough and afraid to stand up to it, he will not be able to protect your marriage from disaster.
It takes a strong person to deal with family strive and not let it overburden their marriage forcing it to fail so I suggest you start looking at how your fiance deals with the family issues so you can know going in to your marriage whether trouble is just a door knock away. Good Luck your going to need it.
2006-08-08 16:28:09 · answer #7 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You not stuck if they want to see the children ask your husband to drop them off and pick them up,honey you can't change the way people feel or think about you.let your husband know how you feel about his families in that every time they come for a visit leave the house come back when they leave.
2006-08-08 16:20:59 · answer #8 · answered by meme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop trying. It IS okay if not everyone likes us. If they are deceitful and backstabbing why would you want to be friends with them anyway. Avoid contact with them as much as possible. When you are with them, don't engage. By this I mean smile and be polite and respectful, but don't engage in their conversations or debates. And whatever you do, do NOT put your husband/fiance in the middle of it. Your relationships are your responsibility not his. And if he complains about them to you, just tell him your sorry that he is upset or whatever. Don't bash them. When it gets too much, call a friend and vent.
2006-08-08 16:30:14 · answer #9 · answered by Deb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, when you get married, you can't trade your in-laws for new one's, but you don't have to live next door to them, in fact you should be at least a half-hour's drive from either of your folks. Just visit them as often, as necessary, and exercise some caution in deciding what personal information you'll tell them.
2006-08-08 16:36:20 · answer #10 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋