What can I say to my husband without causing a worse fight?

Question

He called me, and after a nice conversation, asked me if I knew the website we use to pay our gas bill. I didn't know it, so I said so. Then he goes, I didn't expect you to know it right off the top of your head, and asked me if there was a bill in our basket. I said no, I don't think so, but I will check anyway. And then he just told me to forget it, and I could tell it wasn't like, "don't worry about it, honey," it was out of frustration. I tried to tell him I was looking, but he just wanted to get off the phone, so we did. So then I got on the computer to look up the website, and called him to tell him when I found it. He just started in on telling me how he was annoyed at me because I was making it seem like I didn't know what he was talking about, and that he felt like he had to explain to me how to find the website. Then, he started telling me how I act like that pretty often, and that it really is annoying......more below....

I told him that I don't know how I came across that way, but he said that I act like I can't take initiative sometimes & just do it. But I did do it, and told him so. It was like he wasn't hearing me, bc he just kept repeating things. He even said, you're 22, you've been to college, you're a grown woman, you need to act like it. I don't honestly think I did anything to make him upset, and told him that, & if I did come across that way, it wasn't on purpose, bc that was not the case at all. He said that he didn't think I did it on purpose, but that I really was acting that way. I don't see it at all. I told him that he was nitpicking at me, and that I am simply not perfect. He told me that he was "correcting" me. I felt like my intelligence was being insulted. I tried to talk sense into him by retracing exactly what was said; didn't work. We've been getting along so well. I don't understand how one tiny tiff can be such a big thing. And I really don't appreciate being "corrected."

I know we will have to talk about it when he gets home, that is his style. He is not responding to my efforts to text or call him, so I am feeling a bit of dread.
My husband is a Marine Sgt. At work, he sits at his desk, and surfs the internet (watching funny/gross videos on YouTube, etc). He has no tasks to complete, no responsibilites because he is about to be promoted, so he is inbetween ranks right now. He just takes up space. Therefore, the problem is not that he is just so overwhelmed at work and wants nothing to do with home matters.

Ok, ppl, I found the flippin website, he ignored the fact that I did what he asked. There are only 4 years between us. Don't answer unless you have something constructive to say, please!

Answer 1

It sounds like a communication problem between you and him. I'm 21 and this happens to my husband and I sometimes. He will say one thing and I will interpret it differently and then we start arguing. Talk to him when he comes home. Ask him what he meant. Maybe what he's really saying is that he wants you to start taking initiatives on important matters, instead of just him handling everything.

Answer 2

I absolutely agree that you should not be corrected you are an adult. Could it be that he is just having a very bad day because let's face it we all have them? If this is in fact a one time incident don't be so hard on him, maybe just let it all blow over and then when all has calmed down then try discussing it with him. Maybe you don't realize that you are dependent on him, at first when we get into relationships we do this because alot of men like the feeling of being "the man" or in control so to speak and then it dies down and we become more independent again, and then sometimes a woman who is very independent gets a little tired of ALWAYS being independent and then we start acting a little more dependent on the man, some men in fact don't mind where as others would be annoyed (as say your hubby got). Sort of think about whats been going on and review the situation to see if you fall under any of them categories. If in fact he just had a bad day I'll bet he will be apologizing in no time, nut if the attitudes keep up or get worse you may have to get some counseling to get into the root of the problem. Good Luck hon the best to both of you!!!

Answer 3

don't listen to sausage finger seem he didn't know what he talking about.. all of his questions full of jokes and now he being serious don't take anything what he said.

For me you haven't done anything wrong... there something that made him different. have a chat with him and find out when did he start doing that and why? He has be a reason why? But you not try to be pretty you just want to feel pretty and make yourself look good. and Seem that he being very annoyed wha tyou did.. Only you can have him sit down and talk about it.

If he said no I don't want to talk or something tell him then when is this been on going for you to feel that I am being annoying you? I seriously don't know need you to tell me.

I saw your yahoo 360 seem nice and you not trying to impress or do anything wrong. I would like to know what your husband has to say. Nothing wrong for you and him to sit down and talk no matter what it is. smiling. seem that you are really want ot know and don't want to fight. that good thing. but it up to him to be man enough to tell you and what been bothering him since?

Answer 4

I rarely read novels, but yours was interesting. Long story short, don't ever say that your husband "takes up space". I doubt he'd be appreciative.

Sounds like both of your personalities can be a bit strong, it's ok to be passive on occasion if you can handle it. I'm a dominant guy, but I also allow my wife some leeway to make things go well. It's about fitting each others personalities, knowing when each of you is "touchy" and not stepping on them at those times. Compliment each other, don't spar with each other. You are lovers, not boxers. Good luck. Excelsior!

Answer 5

first off he is a marine and if he a SGT that is about to be promoted he is a good one. corecting troops all day is his job. now yes he is wrong for treating you like one of his troops. and when he realizes his wrong he will more than likely appologise. being that you are only 22 I am guessing you have not been married that long. little arguments are going to happen that is part of learning to live with someone. me and my wife have been together 15 years. and we still have tiffs. it is all about the making up. just remember to hear each others feelings.

Answer 6

I was going to guess an age problem here also. Sounds like a dad talking to a kid to me. It also sounds to me like he is setting you up for failure so he can ***** at you. For example, this could have worked better two ways:

1)
Do you know the website for the gas bill?
No.
Could you look it up please?
Sure honey no problem.

2)
Do you know the website for the gas bill?
No. Do you want me to look it up for you?
Sure that would be nice.

See there is room for both of you to move on this.

Answer 7

He sounds like a real JOY to live with. It sounds as though you aren't really "arguing" or "discussing" the real issues each of you have. Everything you mention doesn't amount to a hill of beans. Is it possible to get to the real problems?

Answer 8

How much of an age difference is there between the two of you because that sounds like a lot of your problem to me.

Answer 9

sometimes, arguments are healthy parts of a relationship. you supplied enough details to suffice for the military. one might think that you are the pencil pusher for uncle sam-lol. he may be going through uncertainties of his future and it is obvious that you aren't sure how far your future goes with him. fight if you must, but better to make love than war.

Answer 10

just by what you said i think i agree with him, and why is it ok to fight with some one while there at work making money to take care of you? and you can't find a web site wow you went to college? sound like you should grow up some.