25th anniversary vow renewal should i cancel because he pissed me off?

Question

married 25yrs and have a nice vow renewal planned out of town with family and friends. was talking about plans with hubby & when i mentioned us paying for gas for those attending he looked at me like i was crazy. actually he looked at me like he hated me,it was awful. since this happen i don't even know if i want to renew my vows. he hasn't lifted one finger to help or spent one minute on any of the planning. i was reading some love poems to him that we could use in the renewal when the topic came up about us paying for gas.then he made a couple of comments like "it was my idea to do this" and "i knew he didn't really want to do this from the beginning". then later he comes to me and says he's sorry that he knows this means a lot to me and he does want to do it. well this makes 3 times now that he's said that. 25yrs ago we ended up with one wedding picture and thats it. we're to get pictures at the renwal.i would feel dumb to cancel but now "i" don't feel like doing this. any advice?

Answer 1

Renew your vows but don't pay for your guests gas. Isn't the ceremony costing you enough already? Men don't usually get excited about this kind of stuff but they go along with it for us women. Try and make it as painless for him as possible. Your guests will certainly attend your renewal ceremony even if you don't pay for their gas.

Answer 2

Being married for 25 years, I'm sure this is not the first time you have been tempted to get the bat out and start swinging, lol. It's not the fights, it's how you resolve them that makes or breaks a marriage. You two have been doing something right! It is NOT your responsibility to cover the guest's gas costs. He had every right to veto that idea! Most men get a little bored with the endless details of planning the original wedding, let alone a renewal. Planning this event has probably put you in a romantic mood similar to when you were planning the wedding, and you would like him to be there too. It's not his fault he is not. This issue will pass (as they always do) and you would be sorry if you canceled the renewal. These days, 25 years is rare indeed, and something worth a major celebration.

Answer 3

You are probably just stressed out. Kind of like planning a wedding. Obsessing over details wanting everything to be just right and perfect and there's nothing wrong with that but men are men. Most men (I'm not saying all so nobody bash my opinion here, lol) don't really care about all that kind of stuff. How many men are active participants in the planning of their weddings? Probably not many. The fact that he apologized and said he wanted to do it tells me he does love you. He may not be as interested in the actual event or the details of it but sounds interested in your happiness since this seems to be what you want. He's probably not against it, just not interested much in the planning details. Personally, I don't think it's necessary to pay for any guests gas. Don't let little things cloud the bigger picture. You're probably both a little stressed right now and it'll blow over. Have you never had disagreements in the past 25yrs? Don't let this one get bigger than it is or needs to be. Try to relax and enjoy. Ask him if there are any parts of the day or event he would specifically like to be consulted on and discuss only those with him. Otherwise, he is probably happy if you are happy so plan what you want. This is one of the few times in a marriage when you have full control to do whatever you want, lol. Best of Luck and Congratulations!

Answer 4

You've been married 25 years now. You know your husband. Men dont understand why all this " special" stuff is so important to us. And it is hard for them to "get into it". Some men just have problems with romance and romantic words. They feel like it's not 'macho'.
The way gas prices are right now, I can understand a little bit his "concern". That could be quite costly, and in his mind he is thinking about the financial cost of this over the romantic part. I dont think it's that he doesn't want to do this, it's that he is thinking of the financial remifications of it.
The best thing to do is sit down with him, with no anger, pointing fingers etc, and see if the two of you can come to a compromise. After all you have been married 25 years, you should know him better than anyone. Besides, why cancel now? You've waited 25 years to do this, and I'm sure once the day comes, he wont be so "up tight". He could also be upset because you offered to help with gas without talking to him first. Maybe he feels even if he does try to help, nothing he says will make a difference. And that he wants this day to be special for you, so he is letting you do all the planning so it's just perfect. My husband wouldn't plan a thing like that to save his life, because he says it's for me and he doesn't want to screw it up.
Best advice, sit down and have a calm talk and see what you can work out.

Answer 5

1st of all you 2 must be in love to be able to stay together for 25 years. Don't let this one little argument stand in the way of renewing vows. If I were him I would probably be a little upset that you even asked to pay for everyones gas for the trip. If they are truly your friends then they will be there reguardless of weather or not you buy the gas. I beleive that with the price of gas now a days that he is probably a little stressed at the thought of dropping that much money on gas just to get friends and family to attend the renewal. Good Luck

Answer 6

When I approached my husband about a 25th anniversary, he asked "why". I asked him if we could do the whole wedding over, because our wedding cermoney and reception was not what we wanted. It was planned for us, the whole wedding was a Blooper's event. We celebrated our 25th anniversay seperately. He was out of town having fun, and I was home with the kids. It was another anniversay. So, please don't let this cancel your renewal of your vows. He is willing to do this, ask him to help you. You are proably as stressed planning this, as you the first time around. You are tried, feel like crap, and worried with all the planning and details yourself. Ask him what he wants to do? Tell him this is for the both of you, so he should let him help you. Maybe he doesn't know how to help, or he's afaird of doing the wrong thing. Give him something to do, let him do, and don't grip about it. My daughter is a control freak, and she yelled at my poor son-in-law the day of their wedding, and believe me I pulled her aside, handed her a coke and I didn't chew her out, I let her breath! She had put so much of her heart into the wedding till anybody or anything that wasn't going just as she thought it should be, she was disappointed and got upset. So, maybe, I am not saying you don't have the right to be upset, I am the queen of upset, but maybe you are taking too much on. Scale back, it's suppose your and his special day. Are you going to be so tried and upset about the little things that you can't enjoy the big things. Ease up on yourself, and everybody else. Get some trustworthy people to help you. Assign duties, and take a break. My son say take a chill pill. Please wouldn't you rather have a smaller ceremoney than a big one, one that you are running around like a chicken with it's head cut-off. I hope I am making sense, I was so tried at my daughter's wedding, that I didn't even get to hear the vows...I was so worried that I had forgotten something...and you what? I did forget alot of things, but only I knew that I didn't get them done. We had a beautiful wedding, and my daughter after sitting down and catching her breath realized that she was wasting her wedding day on "what could of or what should of's" Enjoy the day, and talk to that man who has been there for you for 25 years...ask him....OK Praying for your special day.....God bless us all............

Answer 7

Get a grip of yourself lady. You have been married 25 years and you started setting up and anniversary to renew your hubby and your vows. Now your pissed off because he doesn't want to pay for every-ones gas to go to your renewal service. Did you pay for everyone to go to wedding 25 years ago? It is not about the people you want to be at this 25th renewal it is about you and your hubby.

Now make your plans for your hubby and yourself and stop this other bull sh--!

Congrats

Answer 8

well, you've been together for a very long time.. more than most people now a days.. so obviously something is working in your couple... otherwise you would have lasted this long.. maybe you should just sit down.. or do whatever you do when there's a glitch .. and settle it.. maybe he doesn't want to do this.. but just does it for you.. why would you pay for people's gas by the way ?... I think it's a bit strange ?!... vows are between you and your husband.. not the whole family/friends.. whoever wants to be there.. should be able to pay for their own gas etc... this should be a special moment between you and him.. not you and him and everybody else.

Answer 9

After 25 years, I'm sure you've had worse fights.. =) You know your husband better than we do.. but I say, don't let this get in the way of a wonderful occasion. Love is stronger than a fight, is it not? Renew your vows, and God bless.

Congratulations - you and your husband are an inspiration for younger couples
(Don't make him pay for the gas)

Answer 10

I wouldn't do it.......he totally ruined all of your excitement and the whole time you will be knowing that he didn't want to do this in the first place.......its a real heartbreaker.......i've only been married for 6 years and 2years ago i wanted to have a birthday party for my husband.......he always critized me didn't help and would yell at me saying that i am on;y doing it to throw a party and that he didn't want a party.........so the day before i was crying and said you know what.........there is no point in breaking my back for something he doesn't even appreciate so i called everyone up and cancelled..........i made up some excuss..........i wasn't going to tell everyone he was being an ***.......but ever since then, i have never bought him another gift or celebrated his birthday.....it really hurt my feelings that i was truely wanting to do something special for him and he treated me like crap.......i'm about to cry just thinking about it........and i was so offended because if it were the case that i just wanted to party and was looking for an excuse to have a party i would have thrown myself my own party for my birthday which we never celebrated until this past birthday.........i did throw myself a party! I deserved it!