Should I trust my husband? Read the details please!?

Question

My husband always goes out with friends and stays out until literally 4 or 5 in the morning. I do not like that. And he gets all offensive when I ask him what he is doing. And he gets pissed when I call his cell phone to ask when he will be home and where he is at. I am afraid he will cheat on me. He says I need to trust him and he will not cheat on me. Also, do you think it is right for a married man to go to a bar? I mean when you get drunk you cannot think straight so how can I be sure he wouldnt cheat on me then? He says I need to leave him alone when he goes out and I need to stop calling him. Am I being unreasonable?

Answer 1

No, you are not being unreasonable. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Therefore, I am convinced that he's hiding something since he does not like for you to ask him what he does when he's out, and doesn't like for you to call his cell when he's out. How old is this man and how long have you been married? Sounds to me like a little growing up is in order. Why don't you ask if you can go out with him sometime? See what he does. And ofcourse he's going to tell you to trust him and that he won't cheat...they all say that. What would he do if the roles were reversed? Would he be upset with you?
I don't necessarily think that it's wrong for a married man to go to a bar, every now and then with friends for a little bit. But yes, I do think it's odd that he goes out for that long. And that you aren't aloud to call him. That sounds a little fishy.

Answer 2

To tell you the truth my answer would be No, you are not being unreasonable.

Is it right for a married man to go to a bar question, well i guess it should really be ok if he wants to go for a boys night out and go drinking but to some certain limitations. He shouldnt get angry at you when you call him up and ask his whereabouts because you were concerned. If it was me, i would be worried if my wife didnt call me up.

Food for thought, no matter how pass out drunk i have been before, still im able to think off someone i love more to not cheat on her with anyone else. So in turn, your husband may be speaking the truth of the statement that he wont cheat on you. Still i do not aggree on his behaviour. IMO you should treat your gf/wife/bf/husband the same way like the first time the two met.

sorry if this is too long. take care now and i wish you both happiness.

Answer 3

Your husband is far too secretive with you. He doesn't want you calling his cell phone when he is out? When you call, you should hear a lot of noise in the background other wise I would say he isn't at a bar at all. Most bars don't stay open till 4 or 5 in the morning. In most states it's a law to close by 3. So, I'm thinking your worst nightmare has already begun. Trust has to be earned. Leaving you at home while he is out all the time is not the way to earn trust. I would check the address book in his cell phone, calls made and recieved. If you don't recognize the numbers, call them. You might find a truth you aren't ready for. If that's the case, I'm sorry. However it seems to me that your husband has already begun a life outside your marriage.

Answer 4

No, you are not being unreasonable, because He's already cheating. Now its a matter of if you can tolerate it or straighten things out between the two of you from what's caused him to start. He's going to deny it and you shouldn't bring it up until you can prove it, but you have all of the signs from what's been said. There should be no reliable reason for a married man to be out side of his home at 4 or 5 am unless his job causes him to work these hours. Other than this only wh________ & home wreckers are accessible for them to be with willingly. The cell phone is a start for getting proof if you have access to the bill, then start keepping track of his time, and his so call reasons for being out to catch him in his lies. Also, call him and ask for him to call you back when he's out this late because of your being worried & wanting to make sure he's OK. He won't call until he's not in their site. All the while you are doing this, make up your mind on what you want to do for your happiness. If he finally admits his indiscresions, then maybe councelling might be an option to get the marriage back on track. If not, do what you need to for you & kids if there are any.

Answer 5

Are you stuck at home with the kids? If not call him and tell him you are bored and want to join him. If he is not quilty of anything this should not be a problem. How often does he do this, weekly is not cool, maybe once a month might be okay, but 4 or 5 am is distrubing on a regular basis. Now, what you need to do is plan a girls night out without him, same rules and expectations. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. In fact, I bet his friends girlfriends or wives feel the same as you and want to go out so have him give you some numbers. He should be totally cool with all of this, if not he's up to something, and dump him.

Answer 6

No, you are not being unreasonable.
You, on the other hand have permitted it to happen until it has gotten out of control. You have a right to be informed and it's his job to keep you feeling secure in your relationship. He has all the symptoms of cheating no doubt, but he could be doing just what he says. You need to sit down and talk to him about this when he's sober. All though he has a right to go to bars (and yeah it's common), his late hours are unacceptable.

A man doesn't have to go out every night to cheat, he can do that a thousand other ways.

Answer 7

You should go to the bar with him when he goes out, especially since he stays out so late. A married man doesnt have any business going out with friends and coming home at those hours. Something is going on and it doesnt sound right.

Plus, since he gets so defensive about it, he is giving himself away. He is acting like a single man. You have every right to question and call him.

You need to get down to the bottom of this. No. You are NOT being unreasonable.

Answer 8

Obviously something is sending you signals that things are going to good, I think every relationship should have trust but if you feel like somethings going on, then it might be, your hubby shouldn't be hanging out like that all the time. He must be up to something, I mean when you ask him whats he doing and whens he gonna come home, Do you think he's gonna say he's with some other chick. It's ok to have trust in your relationship but dont let him walk all over you. If he wasn't up to something then why is he getting so defensive. Maybe you need to start going out and getting a new life... or at least start having some fun....you know he's having a good time. Your not being unresonable..something is giving you signals that he's upto something!! Let me tell you, alot girls go through that crap......Dont let him bring you down.

Answer 9

No, it is not unreasonable at all. For one, you are married, so I think that gives you every right to question where he is and when he will be home. Its one thing if he goes to a bar occasionally with his friends, but it is quite another if he is going there practically every night. Getting drunk every night is pretty irresponsible to, and yes I agree it could lead to potential cheating. If your husband felt he wasn't doing anything wrong, he would easily be able to tell you where he is and when he will be home. Marriage requires honesty and if I were you, I would not put up with this behavior from him.

Answer 10

IF he has never given cause for worry (still pays attention to you physically and dotes on you,) I wouldn't be worried. If he ignores you, I might be questioning his actions. My husband goes out with his friends to the bar and I don't have a problem wiith it. I trust him immensly. He RESPECTS me enough to ask me if its okay if he goes. I don't ever say no. I don't know when he will be home and its okay, I'm not his keeper. I know where he is because out of RESPECT he tells me. If I need him, he'd come home. If your husband does not respect you enough to tell you where he is going and what he's doing, then there is a very solid problem. It's hard to trust someone whe they don't respect you. I would consider having a friend follow him or hire a professional. While devious, it will solidify your feelings either way. Have you tried talking to him? Let him know you don't like being home alone or what ever your reasons for not liking him out late. Be honest. Take a step back though and ask yourself if you are being to demanding or controlling. Do you allow him his freedom? Men need time to play with the boys so they can complaign about us. Perhaps address things differently. Explain you don't care that he goes out, but that he is married to you and you deserve at least the respect of knowing where he will be and with who.Explain that its because if he doesn't come home, you want to know who to check with in case he was in an accident and lying hurt on some back country road. Use reverse psychology and encourage him to go out with his friends, at the same time, make him commit to taking you out another night. Last but not least, consider counseling.