My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years now. we have been having some problems with whether he wants to ever get married or not, which i want too do. He just told he decided he doesnt want to get married. I really care about this guy, but is it stupid of me to stay with him?
2006-08-08 08:02:41 · 24 answers · asked by steph1234 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the thing is I want to get married and have kids and i wont get either of them from him
2006-08-08 08:07:59 · update #1
You have to do whats best for you, I would let some more time go by first and then see where both of you stand.
There was a similar situation with my sister, she doesn't want kids, after working with them for years. She wants to be the cool fun aunt, and then when they get all bratty she can toss them back to me! She met this guy, who is really family orientated and wants 2 or 3 kids, she debated whether or not to still date him because she felt like if in the long run, he still wanted kids, it wouldn't work out for them. Well they moved in together, and have been dating for almost 3 years, I was talking to her the other day, and she said if her boyfriend told her that he was going to leave her because she didn't want kids and he did, her response was "hell yeah I'll have kids for him!!" Maybe all he needs is a little time, and if he realizes that he may loose you, because you want to get married, he might change his mind, cause if he's been with you for 3 years....obviously he loves you.
All the Best!
2006-08-08 08:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by Hannah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can live very happily unmarried but there might be a chance that he loves you but just doesnt feel strong enough to marry you and if that is the case.... there is someone else out there that is better for you. How many times have you heard about the guy that doesnt want to get married and then finds a new girl and is engaged within a couple months. If you really want to get married then you should be with someone who wants the same things. You never know you might end up being happier then you are now.
2006-08-08 08:10:41 · answer #2 · answered by belli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well 3 years is long but also not. Some times men just like to take their time at things. Dont push him into it at all, otherwise it wont last. Leave it a while and see what happens. He might surprise you and ask you. People can stay together for many years before they marry so dont give up if its only the marrage thing upsetting you.
2006-08-08 08:08:03 · answer #3 · answered by Pinkflower 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not stupid, because you love the guy, but you two are walking on different roads. If you can live with loving him and not being married to him, then stay with him. You need to find out the root of why he does not want to get married, he obviously loves you if you have been together for 3 years. Good Luck.
2006-08-08 08:06:53 · answer #4 · answered by Caleb's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not ready for that leap yet. He could have some commitment problems and doesnt want to get permantly tied down. He also could be thinking about getting married and asking you, but you bring it up when he wants it to be a surprise. Just let it go and stay with him if he is good to you. It will happen if its going to happen. GoodLuck!
If you dont think that you are going to progress with him, then I would look for somone else, but make sure you discuss it with him. Tell him what you want, and ask if he can give it to you on his time, if he says no, then start the search!
2006-08-08 08:08:03 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. Kim 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a tuff decision to make. You just have to decide how important a marrage and having children is. If you choose to stay with him knowing this is how he feels eventually you will just resent him for it and you know it won't work out if that happens. He might change his mind, but how would you know if he is going to or not. I would talk about it with him 1 more time and see if hes had a change of heart. Then I guess you should let him know how hard it would to stay with someone that doesnt want the same things.
2006-08-08 08:15:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how important it is to you to get married, specifically to him. I left after 3 years of dating because I realized it wasn't worth it to me to be in the relationship without any promise of a future together. After a few months apart we got together for a night out "as friends". He proposed about a week later, and we've been married for 14 years now. I'm not suggesting this as a strategy--my point is that you need to determine your own priorities and limits and make decisions for yourself. The clarity you gain by doing that may help you both to gain some perspective about the relationship.
2006-08-08 08:13:39 · answer #7 · answered by byama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide if marriage is really that important to you. If you love him enough then it shouldn't matter really if you get married or not. You can still have a family with out the actual wedding and marriage papers. It all depends on what you feel you absolutely need.
2006-08-08 08:10:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you don't HAVE to get married. But it's about what you both want out of life. I mean, you need to dicuss children, finances, jobs, and other things in order to decide if you both were meant to be together. There's no need to rush in to anything. Just hang in there, and just be happy with the relationship you have.
2006-08-08 08:07:17 · answer #9 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is a tough decision, but it sounds like you have different desires in life. He made his choice, now it is time for you to make yours. Ask yourself if it is worth staying with someone who does not have the same goals in life. You will not be happy. He won't make a good father if you accidentally do get pregnant because he doesn't want children.
There are other guys out there and there is no sense in wasting any more time with someone who doesn't share your life's goals. Respect your desires and find someone who shares them. There are other men out there.
2006-08-08 08:12:32 · answer #10 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋