my babys dad stepped out of the picture when I was 3 months along and now I go in thursday for a c-section and all of the sudden he pops back into the picture and I dont know how to act or what to say!should I let him in to see her or what?
2006-08-08 07:44:08 · 39 answers · asked by aeichel18 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I'm a dad. Four times over. There for every one of them and every one of them was awe inspriring. In fact, the one C-section was the most awe inspiring. Being able to peer down inside the cut open womb to see my little daughter curled up inside mom was incredible.
Being in the room while it happens will effect anybody -- even him. For me, it created a lasting memory and deep sense of devotion to my children. Maybe for him it will be just the sort of thing to scare him away for good so he doesn't meddle around when she's 15. Let 'em in while it happens because either outcome is a winning situation for you.
2006-08-08 07:56:28 · answer #1 · answered by tke999 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing only I was seven months pregnant when my child's father stepped away.
Its very hard to tell you to act a certain way but I will tell you how I felt. Horrible. He came to the hospital on the day our son was born. I had no delusions of us rekindling our relationship. At that point it became a business. I didn't keep the baby from him in fact I let him see him as often as I could. That gave me free time to do things for me. Don't get me wrong but I felt that he needed to feel what it was like being alone with a crying baby. I only let him take care of him for a few days at a time and those times I just did things for me and the baby like shopping and personal things. Its up to you if you want to get back with him but.....
Look at the big picture. If he left before he will definitely leave again. So don't get your hopes up.
2006-08-08 07:54:51 · answer #2 · answered by DREA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in that situation, I feel ya! It's hard to decide what to do when you feel hurt by him leaving... but you don't want your daughter to someday wonder why she can't see her dad!
From my experience, here is my advice for you:
When you go to give birth, don't let him be there, unless you WANT him to be. You will be going through a lot of pain and meds and stress, and don't need him adding to it. On the other hand, if he could help you that day, then by all means let him witness his daughter being born... but it's not his choice anymore, he lost that option when he left you to deal with the ups and downs of pregnancy alone.
As for after the birth, definitely let him see her. But demand that it be at set times on a consistant basis. This is hard with a newborn, and you may have to have visits all together until you are done breast feeding (if you choose to do so). Visitation should be discussed at the same time custody and CHILD SUPPORT are taken care of.
Just don't let him pop in and out of her life. If he's supposed to see her twice a week, keep it consistent... no going months at a time without being a part of his life.
AND MAKE HIM CHANGE DIAPERS. Especially the dirty ones!
2006-08-08 07:55:40 · answer #3 · answered by Amy L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet he feels guilty for how he was acting. He probably never really wanted to step out of the picture. But like the saying goes you don't realize what you had till it's gone. See where he's coming from. Let him know how it made you feel,and how you feel know. Make sure you both have a clear understanding that you both have a child and you want what's best for the child. Let him know he needs to be their and active (even if he doesnt want to be with you personally) or he can't. That causes stress and pressure on the relationship (mainly for the sake of the child) What ever you do dont be selfish toward him for his descision. The ultimate goal is for a father for your child. But remember you dont have to settle either. If he doesnt seem to be all that interested make sure you know where he is coming from before time is wasted. Not saying he's a bad guy, but wiht a kid on the way you have history. Play it safe.I hope it helps.
2006-08-08 07:53:16 · answer #4 · answered by shuggadiva1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want him there when she is born let him be there. If it will make you uncomfortable then tell him you will call him when it is over and he can come see her then.Just because he decided to pop back into your life is no reason to just let him have everything his way. Do what feels right to you... it is his daughter and he will have certain rights, you should not try to keep him from seeing her but on the same hand you don't have to bend over backwards to meet his needs.Where has he been while you've gone through this alone and could have used some support? What gaurantee do you have that he wont pull the disappearing act again?
2006-08-08 07:52:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he say why all of a sudden he came back? What are his plans for the future concerning you and the baby? If he has answered those questions then base your answer on his response. You are the only one that knows him and your relationship in the past. He does have one strike for leaving when he found out about the baby. I wish you all the best.
2006-08-08 07:51:03 · answer #6 · answered by roeskats 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah let him see him. I know it will be hard but the child will want to know his father. I hated my ex when I gave birth to my daughter. But I still let him be involved in her life.She loves her father so much. It would have been a terrible thing if I would have been selfish. Plus we get along great now! We live separate lives... I am remarried. But my daughter is very happy and well adjusted. Word of advice...make sure when you arrange custody ...its as you want...you are the babies mother.. be strong!!
Congratulations and good luck on Thursday. It will be the best day of your life!!
2006-08-08 07:55:35 · answer #7 · answered by fingerpuppytoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you ask him why he is back? maybe he realized that having a baby in his life is something amazing. If he leaves again, I would reconsider. But since he made an attempt to see you/the baby, I would see what he is doing and how long it will last.
I know its probably really hard to trust him, wonder if he will leave again. But this is his child and has the right to see it. Good luck with the delivery and my thoughts are with you.
2006-08-08 07:49:49 · answer #8 · answered by ♠♣♥Rogue♣♥♠ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many young fathers-to-be get stupid and scared at the thought at first and re-collect themselves to become decent father-figures. Many still do not, but at the very least I think you ought to give him a chance to be a good guy.
My sister went through something similar. His interest came just after the baby was born, and they've now been married for over a year. They're very happy together so far.
2006-08-08 07:49:13 · answer #9 · answered by deathbywedgie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is now wanting to be a dad and you deny him he can take you to court for visitation, so it would be better to let him see the baby. Tell him, however that you WILL be seeking child support. I have some friends that have dead-beat Ex husbands and their children suffer because they don't have a relationship with their dad.
2006-08-08 07:49:13 · answer #10 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋