My wife thinks she got married too young (23).?

Question

We began having kids 2 years later. Now, 15 years and 3 kids later she says that she doesn't know who she really is. She thinks something was missing from the start, and if not for the kids, she would have left me years ago. She believes that she has everything a girl could want, but that isn't enough. What if her "soul mate" is out there? How will she really know if I am the one if she doesn't even really know who she is herself. She wants a trial separation with no outside dating. She wants us to date and attend all functions together (a united front). She has never been alone her entire life. She thinks that maybe this separation will be just the kick to get her thinking more clearly.
What do you think?

Answer 1

Wow! I feel for ya. I got married 1 week after I turned 22. I've been married for 10 years and have 5 kids. I too went through that at one point in time. I felt like I didn't know who I was because I had lived in my husbands shadow for so many years. That's how I felt anyway. I stay at home with my kids and I have to depend on my husband to have a life outside of the house more so than not.
I hung in there though, and now I realize i did marry my soul mate. I love him so very much. It took me saying "I don't love you anymore" to make me realize how wrong I was. I wanted him to move out for awhile, but when he agreed, I couldn't believe what I had asked. I had asked the man that didn't run out on me when he found out I was pregnant, and he was only 18. He supported me in everything. We have overcome infidelity, drugs, and other things.
I know there is no one else out there for me and I need to take responsibility for being my own person without blaming "Not knowing myself" on him. He knows and trusts me. It took almost losing him to realize he was what I wanted.
I really think the two of you need to sit down and talk heart to heart. Try dating all over again. Let her have time to go out with just her of her friends and discover herself that way.
I don't think a separation is the answer.
Good luck and i hope you work it out.

Answer 2

Ok brother,listen up.forget what these people say cause i talk from experience.i got married at 20-wife was 19.were married 6 years now.just a month ago she started losing weight and started saying the same thing your wife is saying.the good news:she felt she could be honest and tell you.the bad news:this problem aint going away buddy.you tell her that when she married you that you were supposed to be her soulmate otherwise you wouldnt have married her.dont be suprised if she tells you she been fooling around already(trust me-she has).she's got everything a girl could want except what-another penis!important:ask her"do you really feel this is what you need?"if yes then you gotta let her go.theres nothing u can do.if she comes back and you still want her great.if not-fine.same goes for her.DO NOTtry to hold her back cause then she'll be sneaky.i would not put up a front cause all she's tryna do is have her cake and eat it too,unless you really dont mind.me(26) and my wife(25) are making it work but i let her go and she came back,i took her back as my choice.good luck.oh yeah in the end youre gonna find out(like i did)it was all about sex,sex,sex.you can be the greatest lover but it dont matter when the flame is gone.try to keep it lit.i got 2 kids but dont stay together for the kids cause then no ones happy.dont buy that how will she know who she is "bullshit" either.she knows exactly who she is and what she wants.she is just scared to say it.if she said she would have a long time ago you might wanna get yourself prepared to start dating buddy.if you took her virginity-its definetlyt sex!if you dont want to seperate(i think thats bullshit cause she gets to do what she wants while you can too but if you love her why would you(she knows this))tell her that if she gonna be your wife she has to be your wife faithfully ,and do the right thing otherwise you tell her you want a divorce.bro if she says she still wants to seperate,youre ******.good luck cause she's about to make life real complicated.text me if you need further advice-i know this situation very well. [e-mail]

Answer 3

I think separation is the first step to goodbye. You cannot keep her from leaving but you do not need to facilitate her. She has everything she wants but there is more somehow? Poppycock.
The soulmate thing is even more B S. You are the guy who has given her a life a home and a family. What will this supposed soulmate give her? Long wet kisses and passionate sex?She needs to grow up quickly and you need to be very upset with her. How is this supposed to work, she moves out and you are forced to be single with her but married for everyone else?
Its flawed reasoning. Get her to spend some time on the marriage and stop with the grass is greener crap. Either that or show her the door. She needs to understand that the step out the door means you are separated and the divorce is next. Move out but the door does not swing back easily. My solution is for her to get it together and be married or get out. She should not expect you to like it or even say its okay. If she comes up with this plan and it did not rip your heart out she needs to be gone anyway because you have no feeling for her. Do not let this happen this way.
Follow up:
In a previous question you said she's already had an affair and can't put it out of her mind. She's already used up the second chance. It has nothing to do with how old she was when she got married. It has to do with her wandering mind because she wants laid elsewhere. Keep your house and kids. Put the community funds in your name and show her the door with the clothes on her back. That will get her thinking clearly quickly.
Please do not allow yourself to be the doormat for this behavior any longer. Show her the door.

By the way we were married at 22 and its been 30 yr.s married now.

Answer 4

I think she has issues. At 23 she should have had more than enough time to figure out who she was. I married at 18, am now 28 and still KNOW I made a great decision. A girl I used to work with did the same thing your wife wants to do. She had married at 19 and at 33 decided maybe her husband wasn't the one for her. She ended up dating an OLD man, he was 65!!!!!!!! Long story short, she divorced her husband and then got mad when the oldster wouldn't marry her. Now she is like 40 and a single mother. Some women just can't figure out when they had it good to begin with.

Answer 5

Yes she got married to young. She didnt live on her own which I think is something everyone should do. She needs to figure out what she wants and who she is. You're gonna have to give her the space she needs. You might also have to face the fact that she might not come back. She was a wife and a mother at 25. Thats a lot to handle. Just because she has the life everyone is "supposed" to want doesnt mean its what she wants. She is realizing there is more to life then being a wife and mother. She just realized it too late. She clearly cares about you and doesnt want to leave you but she needs to figure out who she is. Im sorry and good luck.

Answer 6

i don't think she got married too young. i am 20 and have 3 kids, 2 step and 1 biological. i wouldn't trade it for anything. maybe you should talk to her and see what it is that she feels is missing. It might just be that she feels like she didn't get to live her life before marriage and kids. you two could try to do things together that she feels like she should have done before marriage. bars, clubs, etc. try being spontanious with her and see if that helps. but if that doesn't help and she has her mind set on a separation, then that might be the best.

Answer 7

I know what she means. I got married at 18 and three kids later I don't feel like I completely lived my life. I love my husband. I have been with him since I was 14. I am now 23 and wouldn't leave him for anything. I hope things get better for you. If she leaves you it could be the best for HER but not for you. Ask her if she loves you.Ask her seriously. If she says no well then you don't need her.

Answer 8

I think the 2 of you should seek counseling but you know if she really wants to go there isn't much you can do about it. She has to find out who she is on her own but counseling should be the 1st step and if then counseling doesn't work give her some space. Are you sure she hasn't found someone else? It's just a thought.

Answer 9

lol i got married 2 years aago and im just now 21..and it was the best thing i ever did in my life i will never regeret it..u know whose the right one u can feel it and if shes saying u arent then u arent. but thats childish of her u have given her a good life and now she feels she needs to re-live her single life? thats being selfish shes not htinking of u or the kids and the affect it will have. she made a choice to marry you then at that age, much like i did ..i dont have the life of my single friends now they go out and party and date and sleep around and never have a care in the world, i get him ready for work, clean the house, make dinner, etc they all pity me when im the only one whose sooooo happy with her life. i woudnt trade it for a thing i dont think getting married young ruined my life!

Answer 10

I got married when I was 22. So go figure... Sounds like ur wife has to much time on her hands. I would go talk to a consular with or with out ur wife. Sounds like ur wife needs to grow up!!!

PS. My parents got married when they were 15 & 16. They have been marrid over 30 years!