The selfish thing to do in this situation would be to take them in just so you can avoid feeling guilty, when you know you couldn't handle the burden well. Being honest is not selfish. It won't help the children at all to let them stay with you, then become overwhelmed, over-stressed, under-financed, angry, and neglectful. And it won't help them at all to take them in only to have to change your mind in a few weeks. Say no - have boundaries - know what you can and cannot do. That's NOT selfishness.
2006-08-08 07:29:23
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answer #1
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answered by LisaT 5
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I'd say it all depends. If you really can't handle it because of lack of room, time, or money, that's legitimate. You did bring your own kids into the world, not your nephews but being charitable would be a good lesson to your kids and might help your nephews in a time of crisis.
Are you sure you're the only one they've asked this of? There may be other family members, like those without minor children, who would have an easier time with it. In that case, your children wouldn't suffer and your nephews would have more dedicated care. Is there a grandparent, great aunt/uncle who can take on the extra burden?
I'd say the goal here is to keep the kids with family so the change in circumstances doesn't affect them as negatively as it may have otherwise. Your children shouldn't suffer either. The best result would be a balance and compromise that would allow all of the kids to have the best possible given the situation.
2006-08-08 07:33:12
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answer #2
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answered by BeamMeUpMom 3
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If they're older (8 and 10) they shouldn't be a huge burden. They can play with your kids, help out around the house, do chores, etc. It's sad that they grew up the way they did. You might not be really close with them, but they ARE family and they deserve a good home...not living with a crack addict, or being shuffled around from house to house, or ending up with a potentially abusive foster family. If I were you, I'd take them in (assuming you can afford to financially). I don't know if the state can pay anything toward the one child's medication or if they offer assistance to help buy groceries or not. I'd take them in at least on a trial basis. If it really isn't working, then you could always call CPS back and tell them that you can't handle it, and someone's going to have to make alternate arrangements for their living situation.
2006-08-08 07:42:20
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answer #3
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answered by brevejunkie 7
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Please don't put those boys into foster care if there is a relative who can take them in & love them. You aren't being selfish & it's a very real concern since you have 4 of your own & are raising them on your own, but keeping them out of foster care would be the greatest gift you could give those boys. I've been told over & over that God provides & he never will give you more than you can handle - He will send you some way to help these children. Think about what they must be feeling, what they're going through. I'm sure they're scared. They will be together if they stay with you, they will be with family, they will be going to people they know. It's an awful lot, yes, but I am hoping you will choose to keep them. Who knows, it might not even be for very long? but when you have them you can give them love & it might get them through some dark times. God bless you in your decision.
2006-08-08 07:31:21
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answer #4
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answered by pumpkin 6
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Oh what a terrible thing to have to face. I don't know what I would do. Six kids are a lot to handle for you. Foster care can be bad though. I know the state usually pays for people to take in foster children. Would you be able to get some help taking care of them with the extra money?
Good luck to you. I am sure you will be able to make the best decision after some thought.
2006-08-16 04:34:44
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answer #5
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answered by Patti C 7
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ohhhhhhh tough I know. It's important to look after and take care of your own family. I know how hard that can be. I am the oldest of six kids. But honestly think about what is best for those kids? What will happen if you don't take them in?? If you know where they are going and know they will be well cared for and safe then let them go and you focous on your own family. But if it means putting them in danger, take them in. Even if you have to make a few sacrifices for your own family. In the long run it will be worth it. I know 2 more kids that aren't yours can be hard to manage but there is help available. Contact a local church, explain your situation ask if they have any people that would volenteer their time to come watch your kids and help you around the house. There are plenty of kind and giving people that would love to help out. Give it a chance. If you need someone to vent to or have a question, feel free to contact me. I am happy to help in anyway I can.
2006-08-08 07:34:27
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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if it's gonna put you under don't do it. there are many issues to deal with and since you don't have all the facts from g-ma then don't do it.
however, it isn't the kid's fault that CPS is calling for next of kin to take them out of the home. this is family. think about your support network. you will be 6 kids to one adult. that is hard with kids who do not have any disorders!
if they go into foster care...be there at least once per week to keep that security of their real family caring for them in place. Arrangements can be made with the foster parents for you to be a regular part of their lives. you can provide advice and comfort as an elder in their time of chaos. You wouldn't want to lose the connection over their parent's troubles.
2006-08-08 07:47:36
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answer #7
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answered by Sarah GB 3
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well u should think of ur kids first but also ask ur self can u live wit ur self if they go somewhere else. all in all i think it will be ok if u take them in just have to tighten ur belt and plan ahead. really 6 kids is not different from 4 trust me i know. think what would u want for ur kids if they were in this situation would u want them to be safe wit family or at a foster home where u dont know what would happen to them. no u r not selfish just worried but that is normal. take a beath and know that love will get u through this.
2006-08-08 07:33:24
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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It will be rough, but remember baby, "Family should always stick together". So it is either orphanage or 2 more kids plus your 4. You or husband can claim them on your income tax (that will be a Major help), also, you can make father/mother of children pay child support. Last, you can get help through the state (welfare), ain't no shame and "don't be to proud to except help" from anyone. Good luck baby.
2006-08-08 07:34:37
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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First of all- I'm sorry you've been put in this predicament.
If you can't handle it- then don't. It's not fair to them, it's not fair to your children, and it's not fair to you. It doesn't mean you don't love them- it just means that you want to give them the best environment possible. You have to put your own children ahead of them- as horrible as that sounds.
Is there any other family members who can take care of them? Why were they left in the first place- will they eventually be returned to their parents? All of these will factor into where they should go. If there is not anyone else who can take them, and they will not be returning to their parents- suggest if they can place them with other family near you.
The best thing obviously would be for them to be family- but do not feel guilty if you cannot handle it. You have a responsibility to your family first. But while they aren't living with you, you can be a loving, supportive aunt.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers...
2006-08-08 07:31:47
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answer #10
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answered by Mrs.H 3
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