Marriage and the Law?

Question

I know this sounds a little crazy, after recently marrying my wife (Its been three weeks now) i am just now realizing the extent of her college debts that she had accrued before we were married, as it appears that I am feeling she is holding this over my head as a threat that if she were to ever decide to divorce me.i would be responsible for some of her college debts- that she has never made payments on and become due in two years? Currently she is avoiding working to pay off the debts, and is accrueing huge amounts of interest - her loans are in forbearanceto the tune of $5000 every three months is pure interest. I told her that if she was ablt to consolodate her loans and to work only an additional three hours a day at $12.50 an hour, she would be able to make payments towards her principle and avoid the $5000 per three month forbearance / interest charge. To this idea She got mad at me and started calling me names and seemed reluctant. I need advice?

Answer 1

No, what you need is marriage and financial counseling. This is not the place for a serious question like that.

Answer 2

Well coming from someone that has been divorced....I can say this. It depends on the state that you are in. If for some reason you do get a divorce, you need to tell your lawyer about this and make sure that is none of your debt occurred. I for instance could have paid my lawyer by the hour to go through credit card expenditures (which I did not buy anything that wasn't for both of us) or I could have taken half the debt to get it over with. In my case i just took the half because I didn't want to deal with it and it would have taken too much to get it figured out. You on the other hand should fight tooth and nail, that is not your debt and there is no reason that if you got divorced you should have to pay for it.

If you are having that many problems with it, make sure to cancel all of your joint accounts. Don't let her tie to your credit, at least as little as possible. Keep all you money separate until she can start being more responsible. But help her set up a budget as well. Don't get any joint accounts. This will show later that you had no intentions of you needing to pay off her debt.

I have remarried and my wife now had student loans, we are working together to pay them off, for our benefit. If you make an extra payment every now and then it really helps.

Good luck. Sit down and try to talk some sense into her.

Answer 3

Ok you married your wife so you obviously love her. While you might not have been aware of the extent of her college loans prior to marrying her, you certainly had to have known she wasn't the best person with money &/or debt. And you certainly knew she didn't work. If you didn't...well you're paying the price for not finding out BEFORE marrying her. So let's assume that you knew how irresponsible she was...just not to the extent that she is. Do you really want to leave your wife just because she's in debt & has budgeting issues? If yes, then...that's on you and it sounds like you've already made your decision so go find a lawyer. If no, then I suggest marriage counseling &/or credit counseling. If she's not working, then I'd suggest she get a job...quick. She accrued these high college loans getting an education, so she needs to utilize it! You need to impress upon her how serious this situation is for you and how you need her help in resolving it so you're both comfortable & happy in the marriage. If she's not willing to even TRY...then maybe you need to think long & hard about the woman you married.

Answer 4

Are all her student loans in her maiden name? How long has it been since she was in school? The only debt she can hold over your head is any she accrues while you are married to her--and pardon me for asking, but where did she go to school and what did she study that her interest every 3 months in forebearance is 5000??? Surely it must have been some aweseome education where she could surely find work where she could make those payments herself. If she decides to not make payments and you file a joint income tax return they can take any money you are due refunded to you. Money and children are usually the two biggest things that break people up and it looks like you guys are already started down a bad path. Wait a while and try talking to her again. Put things down on paper (money coming in vs. money going out, etc.)so maybe she can understand exactly where you are coming from.

Answer 5

Congrats on your marriage!

Wow! This is quite the financial burden for newlyweds to overcome! I think it's important for you to do what you can to get her to understand that SHE is responsible for these financial obligations. Let her know that you will be supportive (emotionally) and give her advice and suggestions of how she can tackle and eliminate this debt.

Consolidating would obviously be the best route to go. It's unfortunate that she wasn't honest about her situation, b/c her debt is now your debt. Motivate her to take the proper steps toward eliminating this problem. You might want to consult a financial adviser to get some help with this...

I don't mean to sound harsh, but she shouldn't expect you to fix her finances. It sounds like she may be taking you for granted.

Debt is a very stressful and depressing thing! She needs to understand that even though you love her and have vowed to spend your life with her, her debt is not your responsibility, meaning that you're not going to allow her to sit at home while you work your butt off to pay off her student loans!

If she shows no intentions of working to resolve this problem, you might want to consider an annulment (which you can normally do within the first year of marriage. It may vary slightly depending on which state you're in). I believe this will release you from any responsibility for her student loan debt. Look into this...

Answer 6

Wow. 3 weeks and something like that is just coming up? She sounds like she has an incredibly poor grasp of the situation, and may be pretty bad with money. You don't want to block her spending and then be acused of trying to control everything, but you really need to sit down and have a talk with her about that. You two need to work out a way to deal with that. But more than that, you both really need to NOT hold anything over eachothers heads. The first 5 years are a big struggle for couples finanacially, you really don't want to make it an emotional or relationship struggle on top of it all. But you need to approach this in a calm way, and start off by letting her know your concern and that you are NOT trying to control her, make her feel bad, but that you are concerned for your future together. You might want to take a deep breath and calm down a little instead of panicking and try to be practical about it as well. Hopefully you can both find a way to settle the dispute without it blowing up and find a way to fix the situation.

Answer 7

Talk to a lawyer man, without a prenuptial agreement in place you could very well become responsible for those loans when the forbearance runs out. Of course, you could get a divorce before then and avoid the whole mess. She sounds like she was looking for a sugar daddy to take care of her, tell her to get better job and start pulling her own weight.

Answer 8

You have good cause for an anullment. Talk to a lawyer. She did not disclose this to you before the marriage and could have done it on purpose. Check your state laws. In some states, the only communal property is that which is under both names only. This means that if you divorced, you would not be responsible for debts under her name only. Also a house or a car that is only under one name cannot be disputed in a divorce in some states. Whatever you do, do not let her transfer that debt to an account that is under both names.

See a lawyer. Take care.

Answer 9

Annulment... sounds like she sucked you in pretty good and already has a plan to get rid of the debt when you divorce... talk to a lawyer, otherwise talk to a financial counselor and get a plan going to pay back the debt... and make sure your new wife gets a job.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, every state has its own laws, so you would need to check with the courthouse of your city & state on what the law would be. For TX, what's owned before marriage is yours during & after marriage. What's accummulated during marriage is community property (both of yours) to deal with in case of a divorce. So, get your correct information before going into an anxiety attack.

Answer 11

First, if you divorce, make sure that when you file, or answer if she files first, you make it a condition of your divorce that her debt before the marraige is her own. Second....if you are already talking that way, there is a problem. Forget about the debt, and get into counseling and save your marraige!!