Should my friend divorce her husband of a year, is her marriage hopeless?

Question

My friend is 23, her husband is 26. They have been married for a year.

She met this guy and got engaged in 2 months.

They married after knowing each other for 9 months.

She immediately regretted marrying him.

She says she was NEVER in love with him.

She said she didn’t even know him when they married and realizes “they weren’t meant to be”.

She is very unhappy and has been to counseling for a year.

She says he tries to make her love him but she doesn’t and never will.

He asked her to stay for another 6 months to see if it works and he prays that it will work out.

She asked me, “How long do I have to try to make it work until he realizes its never going to work?”

Is her marriage hopeless?

Answer 1

Probably hopeless, but if she doesn't realize this on her own after threatening to leave, counseling for a year, saying she never loved him...then there is nothing you can say to convince her either. She has to realize it on her own. If I were you I wouldn't give her any advice either way like "stay" or "divorce him," because she may blame you if it doesn't work out well for her. She knows what to do. Just stand by her until she knows that she knows.

Answer 2

Well, from all the things he did, he doesn't sound like somebody you'd want to be with now,anyway. People are completely different when they're in love and and when they're divorcing. There are sides to our personalities that comes out at time like these. When things become more important than they were before when you're happy together. But, anyway,....the only way to let go of the anger is just to "let it go". What good are all the negative feelings doing for you? You can't do anything to change what's happened. All you can do if look forward and proceed toward happiness. My philosophy I TRY to live by is,..."life is too short" to be unhappy, miserable or angry over another person. You're giving him control over yourself and he doesn't even know it or care, but your allowing him to control your feelings. That my dear, is what I would be angry about. Take control of your own feelings and put the past behind you once and for all.

Answer 3

The point is that SHE thinks it's hopeless.
The reason her husband doesn't understand that it won't work is because she hasn't told him that.
You can't sugar coat I don't love you, never have , never will, and have it mean I don't love you.
No one is "meant to be". Marriage is hard. You have to both make it work. If she's hanging on because she thinks her husband will eventually just realize on his own and give up, so that she doesn't have to be the bad guy, she should end it.
It will continue to be hopeless until she truly believes that it will work, or fesses up to making a mistake so that they can both get out and go on.
Good luck

Answer 4

if this is how she feel right now, then yes she needs to go ahead and leave, unlike myself. I stayed to see if it would work, and 5 yrs later I am still here wondering what the hell did I do.. My situation happened just like hers. well almost to a tee. There will be a lot of critical answers on here, so if she really feels that this is not for her then she needs let it go before she is too deep into it/ I know she already married him, but she should not invest anymore of herself nor himself into it if she does not want it, they both need to move on,...hgfg

Answer 5

I married (the first time) after knowing the guy for 3 months. It took a year, and his true self came out. I dumped him, sent him home to mommy, and now am happily married with 2 wonderful children. Life's too short to be unhappy. Tell her to cut her losses and get on with her life. ;)

Answer 6

Unlike other answers, she is NOT a bad person. She made a mistake and realized it. She has tried councelling which is great. It's better to get out now that stay for many years with someone you don't want to be with. She is still very young and she will be fine.

Answer 7

The marriage is not hopeless, she is. Only an idiot would marry someone they don't know. But to answer you question, yes, she should get a divorce. do it before they do something REALLY stupid and bring a kid into this mess, thinking it will help...

Answer 8

There is no shame in calling it quits when she knows it isnt going to work. There is no set time that she has to stay...and it looks as if she already stayed and tried to make it work for a year. She should explain to her husband that she is not in love with him and that it will be better for both of them to cut their loses now and move on.

Answer 9

It sounds as if:
(1) The marriage is hopeless, and
(2) She is the entire problem.
The right thing for her to do would be to leave and sign a separation agreement leaving him EVERYTHING except her personal effects.
Then she should seek a legal annulment, entirely at her expense.

Answer 10

no there marrige is not hopeless they just needed to date longer if they only knew eachother for 9 months i would wait 2 years or so before i get married 9 months is just to short good luck