HOW CAN I MAKE MY RELATIONSHIP BETTER WITH MY STEP KIDS? im a young hip mom?

Question

JUST TRING TO BE THEIE FRIEND, BUT ITS HARD..

Answer 1

It takes a while for children to get used to it. After all, you aren't their mother. I used to have a wonderful relationship with my step mother, until she left my dad. I still have a wonderful step dad that has been with my mother now for over 10 years. The trick is to be firm, but no matter what, be their friend. You will never get the respect you deserve until you earn it. Show them that you are the adult, not them. Don't let them walk all over you. Kill them with kindness. No matter how much they defy or irritate you, be nice to them. It gets them and it makes it hard to take. Have you ever watched step- mom? It's a wonderful movie. Anyway, from experience, don't just buy them everything they want. Have you hubby sit down and tell them how much he loves you and how much he would appreciate it if they would give you the respect that you deserve. Tell them that you know that you aren't their mother, but you're going to try to be the best step mother and friend to them that you can be. It really depends on the ages of the children. I can give you tons of tips, but I need to know ages of the kids. Using what they love is something that will get them. Anyway, if you need more advice, e-mail me with more detail and I'll help out as much as possible! Good Luck Hun!

Answer 2

Their Friend?? WOW! Not sure how young you are and how old the children are... but unless you and the children are around the same age, a clear line should be drawn. Children need to experience and receive (at all times and consistently) love, guidance, structure, rules, discipline, and positive reinforcement from adults. If you start off with the "hip mom..trying to be their friend" routine you will blurr the line between respect and lack of respect for you. Sure you can be their friend... but not their friend who that lives down the road.. so to speak. There is a HUGE difference in the two and if you come into their world with that mentality they will eventually loose respect for you or play you. Believe me..they know you're an adult, and you can't fool them no matter how "hip" of a mom you are. If your naturally a hip person.. great! but make sure that's who you are and your not acting that way just to secure their "friendship"... Beware of that scenario because it's much easier for them to let loose that sense of respect for you when they believe your hip enough to allow certain behaviors to be overlooked or indulged in. You need to behave (at all times) as a reasonable, fun loving but respected adult parent. They'll thank you for it when they are grown and have children of their own.

Lastly, there isn't anything wrong with being a fun loving parent just be cognizant of your roll as parent, because if you're not... they sure can't be expected to.

Answer 3

I feel for you , my step kids are 23 and 27 and I'm 35 at first we got along great but we had a few problems when my husband and I got married.I think it was because they were teenagers then and we all know how difficult teenagers can be. Now my husband and I just celebrated our 6 year anniversary and i think our relationship has grown tremendously!Their both married now and they get along good with my sons 12 and 18.the best advice i can give you is include them in everything, be patient and understanding.

Answer 4

Be a parent, then a friend...

I am still friends with my step daughter from a marriage that ended nearly 9 years ago. She has told me that what made our relationship work was the fact that I didn't try to replace her mom, but I tried to be her second mom and her friend. Her real mom passed away this past Feb. and I was there for her.

Answer 5

Don't try to be their friend, because when they do something wrong, they will expect u to bail them out of stuff, and u can't do that. I am a step-child. You have to treat them like they are ur own children. You have to tell them that even though you are their step-parent, you do love them as much as if they were your own children. You have to let them know that even though their real mom isn't married to their dad anymore, you won't get inbetween their relationship with their mom.

Answer 6

Just be yourself kids know when you are being fake or trying too hard. As long as you like yourself it will all work out. I also try not to tell kids even my own what to do I just give examples of what happened when I did ___ or when my friend did ___ this is what happened

Answer 7

its not a parents job to be a "friend" . you are intrusted to be their guardian and protector and provider. you are the moral compass that guides their lives into the future always be fair but tough they may think they hate you as children but they'll grow up to see love in the first degree. and remember no one is perfect especially when it comes to parenting.

Answer 8

ask what kinda things they like doing and do those things wit them.....if the relationship your in is new then maybe they need some time to get use to you....if its been a while try sitting down with your step kids and talk to them...they will come around.....but i know somebody thats been in that situation and i told her to sit wit them talk wit them see what kinda things they like doing and do those things wit them let the kids know you are into them in every way

Answer 9

it is according to how old the kids are. i am in a relationship with a guy who gets his kid every other week. she is eight and very smart. she says she loves me more than she does her own mama, but i dont really trust the kid. she has given me reasons not to. when her daddy is at work and i am with her, she is good, but when her daddy comes home, she is a whining big *** brat and smart mouth one at that.

Answer 10

According to the research, the average amount of time it takes for integrated families to find a kind of peace, is 7 years....
Being a step parent is one of the most difficult positions to be in. The deck is stacked against you. Children already have something against step parents. They are caught up in the middle of a power struggle and their loyalty to the other parent. They can sometimes feel like any friendship or acceptance of the step parent is a disloyalty to their other parent. They can sometimes feel territorial, as if the step parent is an intrusion into the home.and into their lives. DO NOT TRY TO DO THINGS TO GAIN THEIR APPROVAL! You don't NEED thier approval. They may have the notion that if they hate you, you'll go away and eat worms.... They already have their preconceived notions that you are the enemy. They do not trust you, they do not respect you, and question your sincerity. It looks as if you just want to be popular (with them). Avoid any attempts to discipline them, also. That is not your place to do. Just be yourself, be kind and patient. Show unconditional positive regard. Show respect and acceptance. Show consideration. Be consistant. They will eventually come around and open up, when they can predict what your intentions are and how you will reat, with 100% accuracy. Think of it like they're walking around blindly, faliling their arms to find where the walls are. When the find those walls, they are more comfortable and have a better idea.....those walls being boundaries and expectations. These kids may try to test you, your patience, and your self control. They may try to manipulate you. They will try to find out if they can push your buttons, partially to "figure you out" and partly to lash out at you for their pain. They may try to aggravate you so you'll react negatively, thus proving their theory that you are a bad person. You are a target. Don't let it phase you. Don't cave in. Keep your cool, and do not devote any energy to it. Take the high road at all times. This is the best model for them. You might want to wait for their comfort level to form before you try to interest them in spending any time with you. You may eventually want to tell them you're going somewhere, then invite them. You will have to accept rejection gracefully for a while. Just don't let it bother you but never stop asking. "Hey, I'm going shopping, anyone want to come?" or "Hey guys, i am going to the museum, anyone care to join me?" Like I said, they may be withdrawn, and hope that rejection will hurt you. Stay positive and lively, say, "ok, then, maybe next time" without missing a beat. It shows the presumption that they are not interested in the activity, not you. Act like you always assume they have good intentions or mean well....like you assume they wouldn't dream of trying to make you feel bad, or unwelcome. When they see you are not concerned with their approval, they may eventually attempt tp gain yours......this is a huge step for them, so be accepting. It may take a while. They also need to see their father show a great deal of consideration for you, but too many many displays of affection may sting for them to witness. I am not saying to avoid that, but go lightly at it in front of them for a while. Never speak negatively of their mother to or in front of them, even if they try to instigate it. They may try to idealize their mother to you with snide remarks here and there, trying to illicit a response. Giving them the response they want will reinforce their negativity toward you, and give them ammunition to build a hate campain to take to their mother. Also, everything that happens in your home will be reported to their mother, filtered and revised by their attitude towards you. You are being monitored at all times. Keep this in mind if you have deiagreements with their father, and keep your relationship problems private. Quit worrying about being young and hip. You are too old to be their friend. They have peers for that. Kids make everything about them. They can't help it, that is how their brains work. They take responsibility for the failed marriage, like it's their fault. It is easier to shift blame and anger to you, the replacement wife, so they can ease their guilt. These things just happen. Not your fault. They might need some counseling from an objective third party.
Good luck and Take care!