I need advice so please help it is about my father so someone give me advice please i really am in pain.....?

Question

I HAVEN'T SEEN MY FATHER FOR 6 MONTHS UNTIL TODAY HE SHOWED UP AT THE LIBRARY WITH MY LIL SIS GRACEE JO AND I WANT TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO LEFT ME AT 3 YEARS OF AGE.

Answer 1

if you really want to talk to him which you should because everyone makes mistakes in their life and this was probably one of his...talk to him try to see how his life has been in those past years...ask him why he left...try to get what he is feeling and communicate how you feeling

Answer 2

Exactly why is it impossibe to talk to him? Are you mute? Just by your question I can tell your mother has worked a number on you. Stop, take a deep breath and try to look at this whole mess from a different position...an intelligent one.
First make a choice.. do you want him to be in your life or not. (Believe me he wants you to be in his)
If you don't ... no problem... ignore him and he will go away. (I have proof of this but it is too long to explain here)
If you do want to have some kind of relationship with him then you have to be open to let it go as far as it can. To do this you are going to have to cut your mother out of this (do not listen to her or allow her to interfer) Slowly start updating your dad what is going on in your life (no rehashing the past imistakes he made, this is just about positive stuff) tell him about your talents, interest, dreams and most important your goals. Ask him his opionion about things. Don't expect him to always be the one to call you or set up a get together.... invite him to school things (if mom can't come if she isn't civil) Within one year things will be so much better for you.
You need good people in your life, people that have only your best interest at heart, if they don't... kick them to the curb.
The one dirty dead most every exwife's do is... alianate the children from their father and then say. "look your father left you" There shoud be a law against this, it does more damage than any other kind of abuse.
Now grow up, get an education so you can make wise choices and be happy. (the spell check is not working, so sorry for any misspelled words)

Answer 3

If he has an email address, communicate with him in that manner. People tend to loosen up when they are corresponding via email. It weems more informal.

But, what to say. My son and I don't communicate with each other and I don't know why. I wasn't a perfect dad but I tried my best. I was tough on him because I wanted him to be strong and be successful in life. I don't believe in artifically enhancing a child's self esteem. I believe that this kind of conduct creates an adult who has an overinflated view of himself and therefore feels that he is entiled to almost everything, including a job, happiness, etc. So, I was tough on both of my kids. I gave no quarter and they both reacted to my childrearing ways in differenct ways.

My daughter accepted my advice as it was intended. I was just attempting to show the kids the right way to live based on my everyday example and my lectures about how to conduct ones life to be successful.

I'm not saying that what I did was right, I'm just explaining why I did what I did. Looking back on it, I was probably too critical and harsh with both kids.

My son tuned me out in his teenage years and we have been estranged since then.

I wish I knew how to break down those barriers that have been erected between us.

I'm going to attempt to re-establish communication between us over the next few months. My plan is to be up front with him and tell him that I made mistakes, but that is in the past. All I want from him is to forgive me for my bad parenting skills, but not to forget about the mistakes I made as a dad. Hopefully, he can apply what he has learned from my bad actions to become a great dad for his children.

In your case, maybe you can look at the problem in that light. Give him the benefit of the doubt and decide to believe that he is a good man at heart who had to make some hard decisions when you were younger. Obviously, things didn't work out as both of you hoped, but I think that there can be a reconciliation there if you make the first step.

Tell him that you can't forget what happened, but you can forgive him for what he did.

Maybe, he'll soften up after that.

I should say that my father died when I was seven years old. I never knew him at all. My mother put me into foster care when I was four years old. So, I never had a relationship with either of my biological parents. Looking back, that lack of communication with my biological parents has left a tremendous void in my life.

You still have a chance to establish a good relationship with your dad. Go for it.

Good luck.

Answer 4

That's all up to you, because whenever my father decides to show; which is every blue moon. I choose not to talk to him because it's like an emotional roller coaster filled with lies and broken promises. And I just rather not put up with it anymore. I mean don't hold an grudges or anything but just move on. To me it's better for my father not to be in my life rather than to come back in my life every three to five years promising me things that I'll never get or promising that he'll stick around this time. Heard it too many times before, you get fed up after a while. Good luck in you decision.

Answer 5

Your father obviously wants a relationship with you,if he didnt he wouldnt have turned up at the library.
Do you know the full story of why and how your father left?
and i dont just mean your mothers and your families side of it.
You need to find out all the facts to establish what really happened and why it happened.
My partner has just come out of a similar situation as yours.
His kids were told aload of rubbish about him by their mum,he didnt see them for nearly 5 years coz their mother booked a holiday for them all and expected us to pay for it.
When we told her she booked it so she should pay she stopped my partner seeing his kids.
They were 10 and 13 the last time he saw them.
The oldest is 18 soon and now has a mind of her own to realise there is always 2 sides to every story,she found out the truth and contacted my partner to meet.
He was ecctatic and they have built up a great relationship now,although their mother doesnt like it coz the truth has now come out and proven her to be a liar.
Arrange a meeting with your father in a place you feel safe(like a shopping centre etc) and find out the facts of what made him leave.
Then make up your mind as to what you want from this situation

Answer 6

Its hard my dad left before I was born and I didn't meet him until I was 15. Its scary I know but just go up and talk to him that's all you can do. Don't expect to much and you probably wont get any answers for why he would leave you like that but you may gain a really good friend. I did. Good Luck and be strong you can do this.

Answer 7

it's only impossible if you can't get beyond the deep anger and rage you may feel about being abandoned. you could start with some letters (that you may not send at first) telling how you feel and felt towards him. as you get your thoughts into perspective, you will be in a better position to say them out loud when the occasion comes.
try:

dear dad,
when you did -------- i felt: angry, sad, hurt, worried, sorry, enraged, etc., and whatever you need to tell him about your reactions to his behaviors. (sometimes it helps to get really angry and beat up your bed, pillow, soft furniture, etc. - don't harm your self or others while doing this)

I want you to: apologize, explain, do or say this or that, give me this or that and anything that you feel he can say or do to give you some kind of satisfaction.

you may have to do this process several times to feel relief and get some kind of satisfying response from him or you may never get an adequate response but at least you've gotten it off your chest and have learned to tell others what you want.
your next task is to do some self-esteem studies to learn to handle things better.

Answer 8

I know how feel my father left when i was 6 but your lucky mine never came back i would say give him a chance try to look past the wrong he has caused you and try see the good in him and he is your father and he loves you very much

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear that but if u truly want him in your life try having a small conversation with him like: Hows life or whats goin on? Its up to u whether or not u want him there or maybe if u want him as a friend or a father its all up to u nobody else. But remember everybody makes mistakes and you are going to have to forgive him eventually so try to work it out

Answer 10

Just go up to him and say hello. Take it from there. You may want to just tell him you need some closure or some idications as to why he left you. This is knowing from experience that unless you try to ask him directly, you will go through your life wondering and one day, like with me, it will be too late to ask him anything. My father died when I was in the 8th grade. I never got any answers and still.. I am 44... I wonder "Why?"

Answer 11

I'm sure he has many regrets about that. Talk to him, you never know where it will lead. You may end up with a great dad after all. If you don't at least you will know for sure. You don't know what he was going through when he left. Maybe he will try to explain this all to you. I'm sure not a day has gone by that he hasn't thought of you.