I love her and cant let go?

Question

I am seperated from my wife since mid december, the reason she gave is that she didnt love me any more and i didnt show her affection, since then we are getting on brillently we still sleep together occasionaly we go shopping, out to the cinema etc she has said she never wants a divorce we were together for 14 years married for 3.5 of them, she says she fancies me, she enjoys the sex side of things and enjoys the trips out but says she couldnt love me, i love her to bits and have tried to break away but havnt found the strength to do it, is it worth me carrying on as we are hoping we will get back together as man and wife or try to forget her and move away(which i dont know if i could do)

Answer 1

Sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it to.
She is using you and you should not let it continue.
I would be willing to bet that you are paying for the dinners, the movies, the shopping, the trips and everything else.......Am I right?

Let her go and find someone who appreciates you and loves you.

Being in a one sided relationship will only bring more heartache for you.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to say, but she has given you her answer, yet is keeping you there, on a string, just in case, she doesn't find anything better. This is totally unfair to you, and rather selfish. She is living her life as she sees fit, and since you are emotionally attached still, you cannot see clearly that you, my friend, are being used. She is just not that in to you, and has moved on. ONE of you, must have respect for YOU. Since it ISN'T her, it must be YOU. You are worth more than that. What she wants is the companionship and intimacy, without the burdens, binds, and ties of marriage. Honestly, it sounds as if you really should not have gotten married at all. 3 1/2 years of marriage after 14 years? Sounds as if the marriage messed up the relationship. I think you need to pull yourself up, and out. You will have to find the strength to separate from her, emotionally, physically, and legally. Thank her for the years together, forgive her for what has happened, and forgive yourself. Grieve for the loss, and then slowly rebuild your life. Do not jump in to anything else for a while. There is no reason to add any other "casualty" to this mess. Make and keep new and good friends. Be happy with yourself. Get involved in projects, continue your education, work out, do what ever to keep yourself occupied. There will be times when you think you cannot go on. These are the times your friends will be good to have. Soon, you will start to feel better, and will eventually move on. When you are truly happy with yourself, you will attract others who will see that, and want to be with you 100 %, and not only on their terms. Best of luck, and stay strong. She does not deserve you.

Answer 3

This sounds a lot like me and my husband. I have hurt my husband a few too many times, and left him 3 times. What I don't understand though is how she isn't in love with you. I think she is still in love with you but when you were around each other all the time the love fell off. Me and my husband didn't live together for a year, and we did the same as you and your wife. I thought I didn't love him and then realized that I would do anything for this man, and I didn't want him to go away from me or the love to end. I say from experience that she still does love you she just doesn't want things to change the way they are right now. And I hope to say that she will to come around one day and realize what she is doing to you, but I don'tknow for sure.

Answer 4

MY GOD MAN! Ive read your other questions as I thought Id get some background info before answering this one. It sounds as though this whole thing is really messing with your head. There is really no point in going on with this as this woman is having the best of both worlds. If you cut her off completely maybe shell come back to you after she understands that her new man is a complete munchkin. If she doesn't come back forget her, from her behaviour Id say you would be better off anyway. I'm sure its hard to separate yourself but if you don't do it you will really end up messed up the way you are going. If you feel down about it talk to someone close and try to move on. Just remember that she doesn't deserve you!

Answer 5

I think that if it's meant to be than it will happen. You'll have been separated for almost a year yet and there hasn't been a change in the separation. I think that you should give it a rest for a while to see if this is what she really wants because if it is she'll be back. Right now I feel like you are allowing her to use you at her convenience, if she wanted to still be sexually active and go on dates than why did you'll separate. I think you should really think about this, I know that y'all were together for a while but that doesn't mean settle;e for less. I say you give it a rest and let nature take it's course.

Answer 6

Women love strong and confident men. You're sounding desperate and needy.
Do yourself a favour - if you want your wife back, stop running after her. She's playing games. If it doesn't work - well, you never had it in the first place.
There are many more deserving women out there. Try and find one that isn't so deserving, show her a good time and see how your wife responds. It might take the thought of your going to someone new that will open her eyes to what she really wants.

Answer 7

You both are still legally married. Is she wanting to stay married because of financial reasons?? Are you sure she's not doing this to just have her cake and eat it too?? I would suggest going to a marriage counselor first, then if things don't change, you may want to consider getting a lawyer. As I am sure you love your wife deeply, something is definitly wrong, and you deserve be loved in return for the love that you are giving her. If she's not giving you that, don't sentence yourslef into a loveless marriage based on the pyhsical aspect of it..

Answer 8

I'm not an expert,but i don't think this is healthy for you.If she says theres no way your going to get back together and she could never love you it sounds like to me she likes the perks of a marriage but not the responsibilty.Even if you did get back together could you ever get the thought that she doesn't love you out of your head? Maybe if you broke ties with her for awhile,there might be something else out there for you.What i mean is you've with her for 14 yrs.it's your comfort zone.Hope this helps.Good luck and God bless

Answer 9

I don't know. A friend of mine is going through the same thing in a way. I told him to petition God in the situation. (We're Christians). If you are, then I give you the same advice. Ask God. If you're not Christian, then I don't know what to tell you other than pull yourself up from the bootstraps and make a decision. Either leave someone who is just using you, or feel comfortable being used.

Answer 10

If there is no chance of you two getting back together slowly try and break away because if she starts to get interested in some else you will become what is called a basket case it can really heart you.