Did I pick him to be a father figure.?

Question

My marriage of 17 years is falling apart. A friend told me her theory on our relationship. Which was that I was 19 when we met and he was 27 and because I had no relatonship with my biological father, that I married him wanting a father figure and now that I have matured and grown up that I do not need him any more. Sounds resonable, but does this seem like a reasonable reason?

Answer 1

yes!!!!! Sorry, but that does happen to people. We are looking for someone to fill a void in our lives.

Answer 2

Bull puckky! You married for love, and after 17 years, you have grown apart. You do not need silly excuses to have fallen out of love. But, if you loved him once, you can do it again. Perhaps he has "fallen apart" and some trips to the gym might put some life back into the relationship. Perhaps if you were to go to the gym also, things might start looking different. IF you were to invest the time and energy into what you have instead of something new, you might be quite surprised at what can happen. I hardly think that someone only 8 years older than you qualifies as a father figure. And even if it did, so what! things change by the hour in life. Start making each hour better and you will be happier. Only you (and he)can do the trick. We cannot. Stop looking for excuses to divorce and start thinking of ways NOT to divorce. Much better financially, emotionally, all the way around.

Answer 3

Dear Limbomom,

I think a better question is, why is the marriage falling apart? If you're looking for a reason, any reason will fill the gap, but the real reason would be the one which only you and he can answer.

What makes the above less plausible is that, if it just starting to fall apart, why did it take you 17 years to mature enough for it to happen?

It doesn't sound like he's abusive or alcoholic, or anything related, which leads me to believe that (as someone else suggested) you are looking for some "excitement" and / or because you're 35 and he's 43, you want some young blood. Remember, sex doesn't confer emotional bonding, and if you go looking for something else, you're likely to be disappointed.

If you're experiencing difficulty in emotional attachment, read "The Five Love Languages" - it will help you, I suspect.

-j.

Answer 4

So basically ur looking for an excuse to leave ur husband, and this theory is the best u could come up with to excuse the fact that u made a vow to be with ur husband through good times and bad .. ect.. and when things arent going the way u want them to go , that u want us to say yes the theory makes sense so that u can keep blaming the fact that u had an absent father for mistakes u choose to make.. lovely.. 17 years is a long time for a marriage based on "theory" .. and for someone that has supposively grown up at the age that u are, ur definately thinking immaturely..

Answer 5

Young girls marry older guys all the time, but that doesn't mean you did it to get a father figure.

The fact is when you marry so young, you trap yourself into a relationship. You don't have room to grow, experience life, try new things and date new people...so sooner or later you will feel stifled and suffocated and bored.

If you're happy, who cares why you got into the relationship...just enjoy it. If you're not, and don't want to reconcile and fix the issues...then talk about it and divorce. Just reach down and find the true reasons for asking this question.

Answer 6

Not at all. the age difference between you two is eight years and usually women are more matured in comparison to men at the same age. you have a perfect age difference as a husband and wife. How can a man 8 years older than you play a father figure?

Answer 7

This is a very old chestnut and really not worth the bother. According to the dates, you are maturing at 36yrs? Nope. Sorry to hear it is going wrong but nothing to do with a father figure I suggest.

If you still need a eight year age gap, Im 46yrs!!!!!!!!!!! Which is 2, two many!

Answer 8

Unfortunately, that is the typical young woman /older man scenario. Let me guess, as you've matured, you don't like his controling behavior, that has probably gotten worse as he's watched you go from an inexperienced young wife to an intellegent woman who doesn't need him to do EVERYTHING for her anymore. I am having the same problem, and let me tell you, it's not you, it's him. And, the tighter his control grip gets, the more you'll want to be free from it. The only way to save your marraige, if you want to, is to sit down with him and explain that you understand this scenario, and if he doesn't adjust and relax as you mature, he will end up alone, and doomed to repeat this cycle with another youngster. Good luck.

Answer 9

Did he marry you because he wanted a child. Tell your girl to get a grip and look at how long you've been married. The length of your marriage tells me you got married for love to a man whom you saw as he did as your equal. In life people change, but you have to work at your relationship to keep changing together not outgrowing the other.

Answer 10

see i dunno about that cuz im 21 and married to a 30 yr old and i did have a father figure in my life but i drifetd apart from my family and i dont find myself looking up to him like a father, he is my husband, lover, etc.... i wud never think of him in that way just cuz hes older than me, i know he will be an excellent father to our children when we have them, but i didnt marry an older man for that reason, it was cuz he loves me and wasnt immature.

Answer 11

That could very well be. It happens alot when you don't really have a father figure in your life. Good luck.