My boyfriend of seven years cheated on me, how can I get past this?

Question

J (my BF and BFF) cheated on me. This is what happened. Five days ago my brother (J's employer) can to our house (which we own together) and said he knew J was abusive. I said he was not and he is not. But my bro wouldn't listen. Then he said he wanted me to stay the night with his kids I said okay. He was rushing me to get my stuff and said we'd buy new stuff which really confused me. When I got to his home he was talking very badly about J and I thought it was because my bro was drunk. I called for someone to get me. Ended up that my bro confessed that some woman called him and said J was cheating and that he was abusive and held a gun to her head then she thretened to tell. I wouldn't believe him so he called his source. It was S a woman J worked with for a few years. She was 50 and lonely and J became close to her taking her to the hosp. and all kinds of stuff. Any she said he cheat with some girl at work. I had J come to my bro's house. He confessed (contenued on next thred)

J got to my bro house and confessed. He got involved with her out of pitty. They had sex on several occasions. He tried to break it off and she thretened to tell me if he didn't stay with her and he did it with her more. Then he got fired and she called me and i didn't call her and Jake knew and he went to tell her to stop and it was over and he slept with her 2 or so more times. Then 5 months later she's continued to stock him. She called my mom and said he beat me and mom told her she was nutts. Then she fallowed J to work and when he stoped at a gas station he said to go away and he drove next door to work with my bro. She pulled in frount of his car and was going to tell my brother that he cheated so he rear ended her car and busted out her windows and my bro had to pull him off the car. J confessed to my bro and asked what he should do bro said not to tell me. (said he wrecked into a junk car) Then a month later I find out bout alla this. The other woman sued J for almost 3,000.

He got charged with criminal damaging a 1st degree misdormeiner. Nearly a felony. When J showed up at my Bro's he started crying and I made him get down on his knees because I felt he was dirt. I swore I'd never be with a cheater. He told me how it started and it was over and how long it lasted (off and on 6 months). Now I still love him. But I don't and never will trust him. I'm hurting and he's hurting and we've spent the past 5 days holding each other crying. We met at 16 and been together ever since we're 23 now we own a house anda car and all these things married people do. I don't understand how this happened all I can do is try to accept it. He swore that it was done and he'd never allow himself to be in that situation again. And that he'd spend the rest of his life making it up to me. I feel like we've started over I feel different and he looks different in my eyes. I told him we should start from scratch date before we atempt to go any further. Last night i was horney and

and I thought I would be ok if he just gave me head so I said for him to do that and after a while he put his dick in me and it was ok at first and then I got this image of him and another woman and i pushed him off and started to cry. He said he was sorry and I felt bad that I got him going and made him quite. He said he'd wait as long as I needed him to. I'm worried that if I don't put out he'll give in to another. He asures me he only wants me and he'll wait but I can't trust him. I want our first encounter again to be special. He said that his afair wasn't about sex. I can't understand that. I'm hurting so badly. I gave him a list of things to do to help me get over it. Should I stay with him? He's young, we're both young and may this is really it and he'll be good to me from now on?
Or maybe I'm better off to leave before children come into the picture?
I really need someone to help me through this, he was my only friend after so long together we've lost track of friends. HELP!

THE GUN THING

Never really happened. S called my family and said all this stuff. She said that it was another girl who I called the other girl and she said that someone called her BF and almost broke them up and that she never knew J. I believe that because why would J admit to screwing a 50 year old women? That's really quite crazy for a 23 year old that wants kids. J has never ever laid a hand on me. He's not just my BF he's my best friend and it's so hard to turn away and so hard to stay. He said I could cheat on him to pay him back but I don't think that's a healthy way to heal the pain. My heart believes that he'll be true and be a better man than he would have ever been. But my head don't trust my heart. I have to get a restraining order on S cause she won't stop calling my family.

Answer 1

XXXXXXXXXXXx I think you need to kick J's cheating butt to the curb for a little seperation time at least to give you time to think if this relationship is worth saving. No amount of talking in the world will help you forget or forgive what he has done to you. If he really loved you he would have come to you with her threats and not put up with her blackmale for so long. Obviously he was still turned on by her otherwise he wouldn't have been able to perform. J needs to get a new job, and stay as far away from this woman as possible if he wants to keep this fast crumbling relationship with you and build it stronger. I would not trust him until he does. I think your head is telling you the right way you should go because you can't relax and concentrate on the love making because of his infidelity. You heart is pulling you in another direction because you still love him. His heads has been going in the wrong direction. Not just the head on his shoulders, the head he's really been thinking with, I mean also. I guess he wasn't worried about your realtionship because he was abole to concentrate enough on the sex he was having with his co-worker to perform. You are crazy if you stay with this man. He's taking advantage of your vunerability and crying to help with his cheating heart. Don't play the fool and let love keep you hanging on. Obviously love didn't stop him from being in another womans bed. Who knows how many times he's left her and came straight home to you and without a bath having sex with you. ewwwww That's disgusting, unforgiveable and shows he had no mercy. Is this the man you love and want to live with for the rest of your life? And all he has to do is apologize and cry for forgiveness? The only reason why he confessed is because he was caught. And that hasn't stopped him either. Just his wife with benefits. That's all you'll be to him now. He's broken your trust and that can never be repaired. He got past his marriage vows when he cheated the first time, they only deminished each time afterwards. It made it easier for him to come home smiling in your face as if he was the perfect husband throughout your married. How can you get past it? YOu can try honey and pray and cry for the next upteen years but a woman betrayed is scorned for life. XXXXXXX Sorry about all this mistake in typing, I don't want to go through this nightmare again in my head. XXXXXXXXXXXX

Answer 2

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Answer 3

If you forgive him now, you will regret it later. If he cheated on you he will do it again. I know it hurts but you can and will find better. Thank your lucky stars that there are no kids involved (assuming) and that you are not married to him. I would definately take your Brothers advice. What is with the gun deal? Sounds to me like he is abusive and if not now then he will be that way if he is treating other women that way. Sweetie I am so sorry and I know how you feel. Please be strong for yourself and leave. It is not worth being with someone like that. As much as it may hurt to walk away, it really is the best thing. If you stay I promise it will happen again and you will end up regreting it. I hope this helps. Hugs your way and good luck.
Best wishes! Kimmy

Answer 4

Once a cheater always a cheater. Proven fact!!! Kick him to the curb girl! You deserve better then that. He is not worth it. You should not be down graded like that. No women deserves that kind of abuse. and if he's dangerous, then you are better to keep yourself safe. But just be careful, cuz if you break up with him, there is always that chance that he may come after you. Have more respect for yourself and move on and find yourself a man who is going to treat you with the respect that you deserve! Good luck!!!

Answer 5

I've seen this so many times and it still kills me. Your not going to fix him, he isn't going to change, and it isn't something you have done. Their are too-many good guys out their for you to even try. And yes their is some one out their that will treat you right and be a real partner thought life. Just remember when you are looking for him don't look at the same places you found the last jerk. Look for better qualities that last for a life time, Not the ones that are over in a few minutes.
Look at the question: Why do beautiful women gravitate to a$$ holes and leaches?

Answer 6

This would be the first time I've ever answered this way,
RUN AWAY.
RUN AWAY FAST.
You need to get clear of the freak show your life has turned into.
Get the house up for sale get your money and get out.
Talk about your fatal attraction. He needs his head examined for introducing these whack jobs to your life.

Your big problem will be getting your money out of the house. You have just learned one of the drawbacks to "living together".
Were you married, you could sue for divorce get him out of the house and put it up for sale on your terms. Now you are just friends and have no legal recourse to force a sale. Next time live alone or get married but don't partner up without a contract.

Answer 7

End it now before you fall in too deep. Trust me, if they do it once then they'll do it again! If he really loves you he wouldn't be screwing around. If you give him another chance, things might be okay for a while but sooner or later you'll get hurt again. I know because I've been there and I didn't leave and it happened again and again.

Answer 8

Well something like this is going to take a lot of time to get over ex-specially being that you spent a good amount of years with him. 7yrs is a long time to be with one person and then have them **** up like that. But it's the price we pay when we put our all in a man and he turns out to be a dog. Just pray girl and take it one day at a time and in time your heart will heal. Good Luck !!!!

Answer 9

Do you really want the drama of THAT? Life in general is enough drama. Lucky he is just a BF and not a husband. DUMP his sorry ***! Listen to your brother he loves you and cares enough to go to the extreme he did to save you from this idiot. You'll heal enough to where you will learn how to pick someone who really cares about you and make you his princess.

Answer 10

Ohhhhh... freak.. I have been with my bf for over three years and one of the golden rules in our relationship is that if I ever catch him cheating on me...no questions asked. i will walk out the door. I would never stand for any guy that cheats. Been there done that and know from experience that once a guy cheats..they always cheat.