We hav been fitting over porn for 6 month, Dont get me wrong i've tried watching it too but i feel really bad after wards he know's that, we have had talk's about this subject many time he tell me that he won't do it but I find it all the time, also he just came back for vacation and took his lap top, I went through it and found a website for and excort service, Should I look out for this, we do have lots of sex's, We did get married very young @ 18 know we are 22, I am very scared. Should I give him a break?
2006-08-08 04:08:25 · 13 answers · asked by P.B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, divorce him. My wife went through the same thing with her X. People like that need help. And if they don't want it, get rid of them. Not to mention, your husband is f*cking around on you if he's checking out escort services. If I was you, I'd go get tested, and divorce the dude. Real men don't need porn.
2006-08-08 04:15:38 · answer #1 · answered by Gasman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a serious problem with just the fact that you are so young and having some real problems that will probably continue for the rest of your lives if you stay married. You don't like it...he does. A lot of guys like porn and you probably knew this before you married him, so hang with the porn thing.
The escort service is a totally different thing. You don't know for sure that he used it, but just the fact that it was on his laptop indicates he was interested.
People change a lot between the ages of 18 and 22. I wonder why he went on vacation without you. I would talk to him and try to work it out, even if it takes counseling. I would be concerned myself being in your position. Do you want to stay married? You have to decide on whether you can deal with the porn cause its not gonna go away anytime to fast. Either a guy is into it or he's not. You have no proof of the escort service and need some if you are going to accuse him of using it.
2006-08-08 04:28:32 · answer #2 · answered by honeybee4u2c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, bless your heart, honey. First, commit to yourself that divorce is not an option. Second, understand that most of the world will tell you that this is normal or that you should leave him. Neither of these things is true. Just because a lot of people are caught up in porn does not make it normal. It makes it an epidemic. And epidemics are NOT normal. And working on your marriage is so much better than divorce... ALWAYS!
Now, what to do... you'll need to understand that porn is addictive like so many other things can be to different people, like drugs, alcohol, and sex, but also like food, shopping, and the internet. What he has is a porn addiction, and like all addictions, he will need help. But understanding that he has an addiction should help you have patience and perseverence with him during those times when he falters. And forgive him, because this will be a process for him, and he will make many mistakes and will need you to be there to forgive him so he can forgive himself, too, and move forward. Talk to him about being accountable with a couple people, like you and maybe a friend or relative or two he trusts. These accountability partners should have full access to his internet history and have the right to ask him point-blank what he's been doing with his time. They need to be available for him to talk to when he's feeling tempted to indulge in porn. You can, and should, be one of those people for him as is your right and duty as wife. Also, I recommend removing from the home those things which are a stumbling block for him. For example, if you have cable or dish TV, maybe cancel service so there are no porn channels coming through. If it's the internet he can't be trusted with, then cancel internet services or modify his time on it so porn sites won't be visited. There are practical solutions to these problems. It's just a matter of figuring them out.
I hope these suggestions have helped. Bless you, dear.
2006-08-08 04:29:57 · answer #3 · answered by MomWtrmn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to consider the fact that he likes porn, and you need to accept that. Even if you don't enjoy it, humor him. There is nothing wrong with porn. My guess is that it embarasses you and it shouldn't. It's just you and your hubby and nothing that you do with your hubby should embarass you. You should feel free to do whatever you feel with him and never feel ashamed about it. Keep an opened mind with him, let yourself go and enjoy it or you could turn him away and he could go look for it somewhere else. That is how men work. They have to have there sexual desires met and there needs met and if they can't get that, then there is always that chance that they will go else where to get it. I'm not trying to freak you out or make you worry, i'm just trying to make you understand the whole picture and not every guy is the same. He could be completely faithful forever and just like looking and never touch. But you need to give in a little. Not totally, but maybe watch porn with him one night a month or something, give him one night a month that is his! You both are still very young and you never want either or you to feel that you are trapped or that you got married to young or that you missed out on something by getting married to young. Explore each other. As you get older you will understand what I'm talking about, but you need to start doing it now it sounds like! Good luck with it all, I hope it all turns out ok. Just remember, the same sex all the time, gets boring for a man, you need to spice it up from time to time! Surprise him with a sex tape! He will appreciate you more! Trust me!
2006-08-08 04:20:10 · answer #4 · answered by nalerij 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Sweetie, I think you might have a much larger problem on your hands than you realize.
At twenty-two your husband of three years is BORED. One of the things I'm sure everyone tried to tell you when you got married was that people change a lot between 18 and 25. Well, it happened. You husband is seeing just how much he can get away with and still keep you. You need to put a stop to it.
Porn is what it is. It's a way for men (mostly) to gain sexual gratification. Period. Men get off looking at other women. It's that simple. It is not harmless just because "everyone is doing it". It's adultery without the skin.
With a better than 50% divorce rate and sexually-saturated media, I don't think anyone could credibly argue that it is helpful or harmless. It is a part of the devaluation of marriage and womanhood. The whole idea in today's culture that marriage is disposable, or that serial monogamy is a normal way to live simply cheapens marital sex and committment...and women.
When your husband looks at porn, he is placing less value on you as a person, and your relationship as a whole than he is on his weiner. Degrading as that is, he made it immeasurably worse by searching for an escort service while on VACATION WITHOUT YOU. You have lots of sex, but he does this? ...And then LIES about it????
This is not marriage...it's convenient (for him) co-habitation.
Time for both of you to grow up. Either he is committed to you or he's committed to himself. His behavior has already given you the answer to that question. The remaining question is, how long are you going to let it go on? You teach people how to treat you and you have taught your husband, among other things, that it is ok to disregard your feelings. You have had many talks you say, yet he still does it. This makes you understandably suspicious and you spend your time going through his internet history wondering what ELSE he's been up to. How is that dignified?
I'm not saying you should divorce your husband. Far from it. But you are going to have to be the adult here if you expect to save it. Start with realizing your own worth and demanding respect of that.
You need more help than anyone on Yahoo can give you. You need support, and lots of it. Check into support groups in your area that deal with addiction. If there is not a specific porn-related one, you can join one of the other "anonymous" groups and gain a TREMENDOUS amount of wisdom which can be applied to your situation. You might also check with the minister that married you to see if he or she can provide some assistance.
You are still facing a lot of uncertainty with yourself as a person at 22. That's understandable. But I can tell you from where I sit (at 42), this question would never even come up between myself and my husband. He has far too much respect for me to pull something like that. Most women I know (my age) would never tolerate it. I guess sometimes you just have to live a little longer to realize how short life is, and how valuable yours is. It makes it much easier to set your boundaries when you realize you're not going to live here forever.
I wish you the best, and I hope you will seek answers somewhere other than Yahoo.
2006-08-08 09:57:04 · answer #5 · answered by Monica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cannot answer for other men but I think porn is normal for guys,it doesn't mean anything, just like looking at naked women. If he is using the escort service then it is a problem but I would guess it its just a site he visited. It does not seem like he is forcing you to watch the porn with him, so just let it be. Accept it as one of the things he will do that you do not like. Do not force him not to do it because then he has to hide it from you and that means lying to you. And once the lying starts it will only get worse...
2006-08-08 04:21:24 · answer #6 · answered by stoutseun69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont want him watching it tell him! And make sure he listens. Some people see nothing wrong with porn, however, i do! It makes me feel like my body and what i do isnt good enough! So there is something orng with it. Sex is between 2 people that love each other... and i believe it should just be me and my husband. Tell him how you feel and what you know. Maybe suggest filming you two in bed... yall can watch!
2006-08-08 04:16:20 · answer #7 · answered by NaVy WiFeY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to relax. It is completely normal for men to want to look at porn. Do yourself a favor and don't make an issue of it. You will only cause him to become secretive about it. Don't make him have to start hiding things from you. Besides, if he is turned on, don't you benefit?
2006-08-08 04:13:47 · answer #8 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never stand for that. Why are you not enough for him? It is very insultive to you for him to be staring at other naked woman. He is committing adultry in his heart. I would tell him that it is over if he does it again. Either he loves you or he doesnt. You should be special to him...if he wants that filth in his life than he needs to move on.
2006-08-08 04:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by Ginger H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahh newlyweds.. trust me by the time you have been married as long as I have, you will be telling your hubby to go watch some playboy and let you sleep! lol
2006-08-08 04:30:35 · answer #10 · answered by badoll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋