money issues -- i have none?

Question

my wife keeps all the money and the checkbook. i was never good with money and she feels as a single man i should have saved thousands of dollars and when we were married i was pretty much broke. i do have money waiting for me some day after my parents pass away, but now it's locked up.

my check is direct deposit and the only money i ever get is when i ask for a check or sneak a pack of checks and then buy what i want. she never sees the bank statements and never knows. but sometimes i stop by and get some cash just so i can have pocket money for a coke or whatever.

she doesn't like to give the children much money but they are teens now and need at least $5-$10 a day to spend when they are out messing around.

how can i approach this topic without a fight?

that's the trouble she's very controlling on everything, but then when confronted says she is not.

Answer 1

I too keep all of my husbands money. He is just very irresponsible. If he left the house with a few hundreds of dollars he would find somewhere to spend it before he comes home. He will openly admitt this as a problem. He never had money before we got married, so now it is like Christmas everyday.
However, I do not deprive him of anything he wants or needs. If he wants something we can't afford he works overtime to get the money. Otherwise he gets $20 a day for his work. I give him extra cash for gas, etc.
If you calmly approach your wife about this she is more likely to be calm as well. This is your money too and you are a grown man. You should not have to steal your own check after it is deposited. She is treating you like a child and it sounds like you are following by acting like one.

Answer 2

I have some advice later in this answer for people who have their joint checking accounts under control, but let's start with your biggest problem first.
One thing that immediately jumped out to me is that if your wife keeps the checkbook and you, presumably, check the bank statement: who, WHO, reconciles the bank statement?
This is not an insignificant question. If you never reconcile your bank statement you never really know how much money you have, you never know if the bank is making mistakes, you are missing a golden opportunity to know where your money is going, and you are probably losing money from either paying interest or fees when you separately or together write too many checks or for carrying money in your checking account that could be earning better interest elsewhere.
The instructions for reconciling your bank statement are generally printed on the back of the statement. You will need the check register and a lot of patience the first time you sit down to do this, but it gets easier if you keep it done monthly. If you are not good with math, or the sheer build up of unrecorded information overwhelms you, THE BANK WILL HELP YOU LEARN TO DO THIS. There might be a fee based on how much help you need, but it's worth it. Alternately, maybe you can find a trusted friend to help you do it for a few months.
I'm guessing whatever her other faults your wife must be moderately careful with the checkbook or you would have legal trouble with checks bouncing all over town. If you explain that you also want to share in the responsibility of handling your money in a way that shows that you know that it is a responsibility, I hope that she would be willing if not eager to work with you on balancing your joint account.
Do expect that she might feel defensive like you are criticizing her way of handling the account. Try to admit that you have played a role in how disorderly your records are too.
After you get the joint account under control, how about if you and maybe each of the other members of your family get a separate savings account that gets regular, small, agreed-upon amounts put into it from your joint account. This would be like an allowance and each person could decide how to spend this money without having to explain where it went. When the savings account is empty, then no more spending till the next scheduled deposit from the joint savings account.
I hope this helps you have a better conversation with your wife about money and I want to commend you for caring enough about your wife and family to come to a good solution.

Answer 3

I would compliment her on how good she does with the money and say hey is there enough money for me to take out 30-50 dollars a week (or what ever you need) for me to spend on misc things or so I can buy you something with out you knowing. It is always good to have a little cash in your pocket. Also offer her the same. You should both take out money for yourselves. I hope this helps. It made a huge difference in my marriage. I was your wife. Be polite and complimentary!!

Answer 4

my money + your money = our money. It is a very simple solution. Both of you need to work together on that checkbook and share the bank statement each month. When you start hiding money ( the least of all things to hide ) what will be next? Consider the results of your actions.

Answer 5

Tell her you're a grown man. You work and make money and that you feel you can spend it if you want. Be a man! Don't let her have this control over you.

Answer 6

ok indexed less than are somethings you may do to get money. you will get all of your old toys you not use and function a small backyard sale, make your own sparkling lemonade and function a lemonade sale, ask your associates in the adventure that they favor help cleansing theeir backyard, or ask in case you are able to bathe their vehicle for $5.00. this is a commence.

Answer 7

If you're honest about it and admit that you have a problem and seek her council, then she may be a little angry at first, but I think she will appreciate that you came to her.

Answer 8

tell her the facts. she doesn't seem to be doing a good job of managing.

Answer 9

if you have none, please share the wealth:)