do i wait for this married man?

Question

a married man declared his undying love for me a year ago, told his wife (this is true as I have met her several times and we have had v strange chats about divorce, kids etc as we both have children), & is splitting up with her once he feels she is ok about it all. but i found out from her that he had been sleeping with her whilst claiming to have finished a sexual relationship with her. i would have never started anything with him had I known it wasn't finished. He used to be an alcoholic and has since gone back to drinking heavily. he's going into a clinic soon to sober up and once sober he will leave her. he wants to do this when he is sober, not drunk. I find it extremely hard to trust him after having been lied to all this time re sexual relationship with wife. yet I love him and i know he loves me.

Answer 1

Why would you want this guy? Is he the best you can do? If he is, what does that say about you? He's a loser. Are you?

Answer 2

Honestly, if he has a drinking problem, that is the only relationship that will matter. Even though he is going into rehab - booze is a part of him like breathing in the air around him. THey are called RECOVERING alcoholics for a reason - there is no cure.

While he has claimed that he and his wife may indeed be divorcing, until he can prove that he only has eyes for you, Be there for him as a friend. When he has proven that he can keep his dick in his pants and not in his wife, and that he don't need the bottle when he is reaching rock bottom, maybe you have a chance.

Alternatively, you coudl Sever All Ties, and find someone else!

Answer 3

If you don't trust this man why are you considering being with him? What makes you think he will stay faithful to you when he is sober. He'll probably still go over and see his ex wife and sleep with her. I think you need to find another person, and think of your own childrens lives. Is it right for them to live in the same house as an alco? You need to read some accounts of children that have grown up with an alco, it may make you consider your children instead of yourself. Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to be.

Answer 4

Oh dear, if I were you I would stay well and truly out of this mans way and his life, he is such a liar saying he will leave his wife for you, his wife has probably asked him several times to leave because of his drinking, alcoholics are very manipulative at getting their own way in everything, you are well out of it so stay out of it and go find someone who will be 100% honest with you and love you for been you and not just an excuse to get away from one person who is worried about his drinking, good luck.

Answer 5

if your friend was in the same situation wouldn't you say she was nuts to wait around for a married lieing cheating alcoholic loser.
in this drama your only a bit player used to score points in the real relationship of man and wife. leave now with what little dignity you have left


yes you love him but guess what you have loved before and will love again........but no the only person an alcoholic loves is the bottle and you will always come second to that. he loved you so much he slept with his wife!!!!! doesn't that seem a little crazy?

Answer 6

HONEY HE SOUNDS LIKE A LOSER, BIG TIME. YOU CAN DO BETTER. DON'T YOU THINK YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN A DRUNKEN CHEATER? IF HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE HE WILL 100% WITH OUT A DOUBT CHEAT ON YOU TOO. HONEY HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU, YOU NEED TO EXCEPT THAT. IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULD NOT LIE TO YOU. ITS OBVIOUS HE'S NOT TRUST WORTHY, IF HE WAS HE WOULD OF NEVER CHEATED ON HIS WIFE. THAT PROVES HE CANT BE TRUSTED. HE CANT EVEN TELL YOU THE TRUTH. WHAT KIND OF MAN IS THAT? YOU NEED TO RUN THE OTHER WAY, HE IS NO GOOD, AND VERY BAD NEWS. YOU DON'T NEED ALL THAT DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE. YOU WILL GET NOTHING FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP BUT LIES, ANGER AND PAIN. THE SOONER YOU GET OUT THE BETTER. IF YOU CHOOSE TO STAY WITH HIM THEN YOUR CHOOSING THE CONSEQUENCES, SO YOU ARE PARTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MISTREATMENT YOU RECEIVE FROM HIM.

Answer 7

sure,be with him.and then when he marrys you,he can pledge his undying love to the next women while still having sex with YOU.WAKE UP,not only is he a cheat but he's a alcoholic.you dont need the baggage.take care of your child and wait until a REAL man comes along.what goes around come around whether he stays with you or not,nothing good is gonna come outta it AND most importantly your setting a VERY bad example for all the children involved.

Answer 8

What are you waiting for? Let her have him. You have children to think about don't you? Your decision has to be made for what will be best you you and the children. Is this the kind of man you want raising your children? Getting in bed with every night? Waking up to?

You surely can do better!

Answer 9

He is not worth it. He is an alcoholic and it's hard to kick the habit. Furthermore he lied about sex with his wife. He is a liar. Find someone else.

Answer 10

We as humans are like mirrors of ourselves - in our partners. What we are missing in our lives or things we avoid in seeing within ourselves and yet can accept - is what we look for in our partners. here is a example: say i had a family member (say father) that i had unfinished business or the lack of communication with and because there wasn't resolution to that event and it hurt too much to deal with - but then years later was seeking 'love, communication and stablity in a relationship ' then we as humans would pick out a partner based on the unsolved issues of our past - including expecting them to take care of those issues of the past, even though it wasn't them that created the issues. We as humans are blind until we 'choose' to see the truth, not based on what other's tell us. This man -that is married however, he feels that with you in his life or a part of his life has balance and positives, but at the same time hides from the reality of marriage due to choices that he's made and the lack of effort in working towards intunement with each other. Nothing will change for him, until he works out his issues with himself, so that what he learns about himself is projected outwards towards the nearest and dearest and for the right reasons. same way with you - nothing will change until *you* take back the control of your life and issues and start focusing on inner stregnth. So as a suggestion - move on from him, so that he can learn his lessons from past events, and the same for you, then as you get yourself confidence back and your self worth under control, then what you seek for in a partner will be 'just like you' and not something that you have to question the trust with.

Answer 11

no you gave me nothing good to support your feeelings for him. he is using his drinking as a way to stay with the his wife and if he gets sober now what is stopping him from going back to his old ways when he is with. it may turn into a very abusive relationship.

THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN