Told my parents I was gay right after starting a relationship which has continued to last for 2 years, I am 19 right now. Nothing has changed in their views since, & they have been trying to end our relationship since the beginning.
They're really mean to him too & it is upsetting him, & it hurts me to see them treat him so bad too. :-'(
My parent won't seem to let go of the following views they have, which is why the treat him bad:
1) You can't know you aren't straight until you are at least 28.
2) You should try out being married & having kids before you can say you aren't straight.
3) If you decide you aren't straight you must wait until the youngest child's an adult before ending the marriage.
4) You must wait 10 years after the marriage ends to begin a relationship with someone of the same gender.
5) You cannot truly be in love with someone of the same gender.
6) You should be the same age in a homosexual relationship (he's 17).
Anyway to change their views?! How?
2006-08-08 00:20:30 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Your parents sound warped. It probably was not a good idea to tell them while you were under their roof to begin with. Try and get on your own asap and live your life how you see fit. People hear what they want to hear.
2006-08-08 00:26:25 · answer #1 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't actually say whether you live at home or not. If you do---leave the house. You cannot expect your significant other to take that kind of abuse from your parents and you will end up losing him.
Now--17 is jail bait. You do realize that right? In some states sex with anyone under 18 years of age is against the law. Some states say that if you have sex with an underage minor who is 2 years younger or more, then statutory rape could be charged.
I don't understand your parents putting time lines on the situation. How could they possibly suggest you get married and have children and then stay married till the last child is out of the house?
I am not in favor of single sex relationships---so please do not think that I am coming at this situation from a state of agreement with your lifestyle. I have a relative who is also in a same sex relationship and I saw how my parents handled the situation. The word is "BADLY".
Perhaps you should seek counselling from a disinterested 3rd party to get another perspective. It might also do you well to determine what the state laws in your state say. Just in case your significant other's parents are as concerned as your parents are. They could always have you arrested if your state is one of those that bans sex between an adult and minor.
You aren't going to change their minds. Just move on with your life.
2006-08-08 00:35:08 · answer #2 · answered by oph_chad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are basically homophobic for their own reasons, and all these views are nothing more than a decoration.
It is possible for someone to be uncertain of their orientation at the age of 28, however that doesn't apply to you as you're already certain.
If you're an only son, then your parents are probably upset at the fact that they won't be having grand children. If they are religious and you're not, then they are looking for "non religious" ideas to try and "convince" you. Alternatively, they may simply be frightened that people will think less of them for having a homosexual son - basing all this upon misconceptions of homosexuals.
Another possibility is that they can only see the world through their own eyes. For example, a heterosexual may say "I can't understand why someone could not love the opposite sex," because they are thinking in terms of their own attractions.
Getting married is a mistake. Your parents don't seem to understand that the girl (who could very well be their daughter in law) would be subject to a lot of hurt and trauma over this. If kids are involved, then it becomes even more messy.
You could try showing your parents the web site attached to this posting (American Psychological Association). Alternatively, refer them in the direction of mainstream psychology (which concludes that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality).
2006-08-08 04:44:27 · answer #3 · answered by nemesis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Radagast_23 100%. I think your parents are entirely wrong on all counts. I never heard such an outrageous set of impossible demands. It's as if they are deliberately setting out to make you ruin your life - and not just yours, but the life of any woman you would be, in effect, experimenting on if you gave into their criminally irresponsible pressure and got married.
And what for? To keep them happy, nothing else. How about you being happy?
From what you say, I don't think you can change their views, to be honest. You'd be best off disregarding them, but if you want to explain to them why, tell them they don't seem willing to try to understand the first thing about your situation and two years is long enough.
For starters, how do they know you can't truly be in love with someone of the same gender? Have they any direct experience of it? If not, they can defer to someone who has: you.
And if you think it would do any good, I would tell them plainly that to follow their advice and try out a marriage would be disastrous to you, the wife and any children, whereas to stay in the relationship you have already will do no one any harm and you a lot of good.
If they can't start to behave like rational adults, including showing some consideration for the person you love, then I would take the first opportunity to get out of their way. Forgive me if I sound harsh but I wonder if they wouldn't actually prefer you to take yourself off, and relieve them of a big problem they can't handle (the "What will the neighbours think?" problem).
By the way, I admire you for sticking by your partner in the face of this manipulative harassment. It must be extremely stressful for both of you. Stay strong.
2006-08-08 13:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by Dramafreak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure you can change their views. They'd like to change your views, and I'm sure you'd tell me that THAT is an impossible task!
So, as you are able, you become independent of your parents and see less of them. You make a good life for yourself, a life of which they could be proud, if they could get past the gay part.
YOU can be proud of the fact that you didn't "try being straight" with some poor female who has no idea the ride she would be in for, being married to, and mothering children with a gay man. You conduct your relationship(s) with love and respect, including respect for yourself. If you had lied to a woman and married her, you wouldn't respect yourself, and sooner or later she wouldn't respect you either.
Maybe your parents will come around. Don't shut them out, but distance yourself from the behavior which is disrespectful to your partner, and just put yourself through as little of the anti-gay rhetoric as possible. But accept the fact that your parents may never respect your mate or your relationship, you can't change them.
2006-08-08 01:31:59 · answer #5 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents should be happy that you told them or would they of preferred it if you had kept it a secret from them. Do they think you should live a lie. So ok if you meet a lady get married and have kids, how will your kids feel when you go of a few years down the line to find a boyfriend???? Believe me it is hard enough seeing your Dad with another woman let alone another man!!!! That would totally screw the kids and your wife up, she would think she turned you gay. Your parents are always be like they are but just tell them this is the way I am and if you aren't going to except that them I won't be round anymore! It sounds harsh but you have got to live your life for you and not your parents. If one of my kids told me they was gay I would be happy for them as long as they was happy and safe. That should be all parents want for their children! Good luck.
2006-08-08 00:40:36 · answer #6 · answered by claire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry for you , I would like to reassure you in some way but unfortunately there's nothing to change your parents views,if thats what is in their minds. My mum has known 6yrs of my coming out. She thought that my becoming gay was because my dad's relationship with me was not good when I was a kid. Nowadays she still complains sometimes that she's not a grandmother like all her brothers and sisters. But on the whole she has come to terms with the situation since I moved out two years ago. Live your life, they will accept you after some years but don't push them too much, it will only harm your relationship
2006-08-08 01:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but i don't know a way to change their views.
I hate to be harsh but i think the only way would be for you to move out. And before hand sit and tell them why, expalin how you feel, without getting upset or angry, just be rational and ask them where they got their views from?
I feel awful for your partner, but if he loves you, and you are loving then he should also understand that you cannot help your parents.
What it all boils down to is you should ask yourself (and your parents) whether they could seriously bear to see you unhappy in a straight relationship?
If they can deal with you living your life unhappily how they want rather than how you want happily, you should evaluate where they and you stand in one anothers life.
I feel awful for you, because at 19 this must be so hard for you.
Hopefully yourslef and your partner are strong enough to deal with all this. And i really hope your parents see that you are a happy functioning human.
Good Luck
2006-08-08 00:30:00 · answer #8 · answered by catx_pye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You won't change their views, they sound as if they are crazy - so 28 is the magic age to know whether you are straight or not ?!!!!!!!! They sound so unbelievably selfish, they don't care who they hurt as long as they don't have a gay son. So they think you should get married and have children - they really don't care how many peoples lives they mess up. This may sound hard but if I were you I would tell them that you are not going to agree to carry out these cruel demands, if they don't like it , cut them out of your life. Parents love should be unconditional not dictatorial.
2006-08-08 20:05:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're trying to help you avoid life as a pervert. Whether you like it or not, it is abnormal and, still one of the prime vectors for AIDS, along with drug users.The queer enthusiast groups have made a PC statement to try to stop people thinking realistically about this but facts remain facts. There are psychiatrists who can help here. Mostly by helping you recognise your own abnormality. Instead of thinking of yourself as "gay" try thinking of yourself as someone who likes sticking his w111y in a boys bottom. Then you'll realise how revolting it really is.
PS to radagast23 - a very nice statement of political correctness. Of course, it it had been shown that queers were the primary vector, the world would have revolted against them and not one would survive. The fact remains that anal sex is the most dangerous form of sex as it includes blood, sh1t, mucous membranes etc. It just ain't intended for that function. The queer organisations are determined to try to persuade the world that it's righ and proper - something about a vested interest possibly.
2006-08-08 03:57:21 · answer #10 · answered by rationalist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn, your parents have some weird views and rules, but anyway, no, you won't be able to change their views, they are set and that's that. What you can do is distance yourself if it's going to help your relationship. No one needs to get hurt over stupid remarks, and viewpoints. One of two things will happen: They will either except the relationship in order to see you more, or they won't. It's really that simple. Unless, of course, you live with them, which you fail to mention.
2006-08-08 01:59:09 · answer #11 · answered by buldawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋