My partner blames me for their excessive drinking. Okay, that is an understatement, this person drinks nearly a mid-size bottle of scotch everyday, no exageration. We live together, and have been having major relationship trouble. I was told today that if I was not in their life then they would not have to drink. The biggest issue is that when I have a problem or something that concerns me, I like to bring it out into the open and discuss it right away, and try to find a solution. My partner on the other hand does not like to confront issues head-on, instead all attention is diverted elsewhere. Therefore, we clash all of the time, over nearly everything. It has gotton to the point where I am completely avoided, and the reason I am given is that I cause too much stress for them to deal with. But I can't fully figure out if what they say is actually true. Is it fair to take some responsibility for the drinking? What can I do to help my partner?
2006-08-07 23:54:01 · 18 answers · asked by lovehavok 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
your partner is looking for someone, anyone but themselves to blame for their drinking problem. personally, until that person is ready to get help and quit drinking there is nothing you can do to help them. you can leave or you can try and stick it out. until your partner is ready to quit nothing you do will make them or help them quit. they have to want to quit and be ready to quit.
2006-08-07 23:59:22 · answer #1 · answered by tiggerkitty3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hiding from the problem in drink will only exacerbate the problems. The difficulty is that you both have different ways to resolve the problems but it sounds like you are not capable of doing it on your own.
You need advice. Marriage Guidance is not only for married people so you could try there.
However, I am like you in how I deal with problems, my wife is like your partner (but doesn't drink). These differences are not easily resolved and in reality may never be and from my own personal experience I can't really give you any positive advice.
However, your partner is drinking excessively and I would say they should really try to deal with that by contacting AA or at least recognising the path they are currently potentially on.
Life's not all the Brady Bunch is it? I'm not really convinced it ever was.
2006-08-08 07:04:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The people who are blaming you, have no understanding of the truth! He is an alcoholic! An alcoholic finds any excuse to blame another or causes a problem so they again can blame another! This has nothing to do with you, he has made a choice to continue to drink, not get help, not work a 12 step program, or seek out any type of place that will keep him , so he can dry out and be in the place for a few weeks or more! You need to get help, not because you are the alcoholic, but because this type of problem causes crazy making and you need to take care of youself, going to AL--Anon meetings will give you support because the meeting is for thr relatives and friends of alcoholics. It can help you learn how to live in this situation or you may decide it is time to get out? He need to get his act together alcohlics anonymous. It is you that will pay the price if you do not get help, we become as sick as the person with the addiction. Please go to a meeting it needs to be given about 6 meetings and then it will be a life time of learning and living a healthy life style. This part is what you do for you! I have an addiction, i have gone to meetings for years and by going, the grace of God, and now practicing the 12 steps, living one day t a time, sometimes one moment at a time, phone support people, you can heal. The same for him, you are not the cause of his drinking, he is! You do not have to listen to thiose other people apparently they are in denial, so is your man, do not be in denial about your self, get going get help! Best of luck! I am too tired to check spelling!
2006-08-08 07:52:36 · answer #3 · answered by my4dogs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years. There will always be an excuse for his drinking so much. At the moment his excuse is you, so much easier for him to justify his excessive drinking by blaming it on someone else.There is nothing you can do for him, he is the one who must admit he has a problem, that it is his problem and he is the one who can do something about it. Have to ask yourself why you are still in this relationship, what are you getting out of it. Who will he blame his drinking on when you are gone, the dog? the neighbours?his employment? it just goes on and on.
2006-08-16 06:11:06 · answer #4 · answered by kate d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,?If you love your partner you have to help him or her come out of the situation by tackling the drinking issue head on by telling your partner and taking him to a rehabilitation centre for alcoholism and induct him in a alcoholic anonymois centre where they have regular meetings on people who had gone through hell because of their habit of alcoholism and how happy they are without alcohol which gives motivation to stop the habit for good. If the relationship is so so and for convenience sake there is no point in carrying on as he or she is already blaming you on one pretext or another it is loosing relationship which will only lead to more pains for you in this case if you are financially independant leave the partner for a short term telling him in advance that you are going out of relationship and unless thepartner wants you to you arenot coming home.Sometimes people dont realise the importance of your being available company till they are alone confronted with the real lonelinessand lack of love .it hits them like a whirlwind and they come to terms with the reality and come to know the importance of their partner when alone.So you can try this too .Well good luck see you with your relationship saved and your partner rehabilitated .Bye for now.
2006-08-16 04:52:24 · answer #5 · answered by sumant b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are doing is called "enabling", you really cant do anything for your partner until he hits his bottom. Until such time you might get ahold of AA
and discuss this with them. If the relationship turns abusive or has already, get out.
2006-08-08 07:02:59 · answer #6 · answered by captcruzer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR PARTNER HAS A PROBLEM. IT MAY BE MORE THAN JUST ALCOHOL. CHEMICAL IMBALANCE. PEOPLE WHO DRINK ALOT, WILL BLAME EVERYONE BUT THEMSELVES. THEY TAKE NO RESPONSIBLITY FOR ANYTHING THAT GOES WRONG IN THEIR LIVES. I KNOW, I LIVED WITH A MAN THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOUR PARTNER. ASK YOUR PARTNER TO SEEK HELP BECAUSE YOU REALLY DO CARE. DEPENDING ON YOUR PARTNER'S ANSWER, YOU WILL KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. ANY TYPE OF ADDICTION IS REALLY TOUGH. HANG IN THERE AND GIVE IT EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT. IF IT AILS, THEN YOU KNOW YOU'VE TRIED.
2006-08-15 22:39:46 · answer #7 · answered by popcopgoldieoldie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for one thing an alcoholic will blame others for their drinking there work anything they feel in their minds they have to find a scrapegoat reason to justify there drinking to much as for causing to much stress perhaps they mean you pressure them into something they don't feel ready to discuss right away
2006-08-08 07:02:23 · answer #8 · answered by precious_52804 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one is responsible for another persons actions, The best thing you can do is not take responsibility for his actions or his drinking. Make him be responsible for his own actions No excuses for him etc.
2006-08-16 01:54:38 · answer #9 · answered by bisquedog 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is an alocoholic, and of course he wants Someone to blame and it is you... you didn't make him drink, he just does, and you can't help him if he doesn't want help...
my advice is go to Al-Anon, so You understand more, and You get help... when he is ready he will get help, but not until he is really ready
2006-08-08 07:06:45 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋