I'm 13. my dad thinks we have to talk about stuff when he is ready,not me and i dont whant to talk he gets mad

Question

at me and screams. how do i get him to understand that im not in the mood and if its about me i shold also be in the mood to talk?

i also forgot to put when he screams at me i tend to slam my door and break something on it. but today he yeled at me in the car and i was calm.

agin i forgot i yell back,i dont start the yelling,i just get angry when he and my mom yell at me or my 16 year old sister or my 21 year old brother

Answer 1

Make him think you're a weird not talking and quasi-autistic kid.

Answer 2

U should accept the fact that ur dad might be tired 4rom work n' over-acting or impatient sometimes.However,if he shouts at u while u r calm n' 4 no reason try simply explainig to him that it irritates u seeing him like that n' if he doesn't understand that stop the discussion.Remember u should be able to control ur temper better than an elder man!Not only out of respect but because u don't have the stress he has.

Answer 3

Do you have a mom around? If so, explain to her that you're not ready or comfortable enough to talk to your dad. If you don't have a mother, you need to make it clear to your dad, I mean really stand your ground, that you don't want to talk to him right then and that when you are ready you will come to him. But, you have to be open at least sometimes to let him in on what is going on in your life at the moment. He is your father afterall, and he only cares about you. You are very lucky.

Answer 4

Your Dad and you are going through the beginning of what are classically the most difficult times for both of you as parent and child.

Tell your Dad that you realize he needs to talk to you, and that you are trying to understand him through your raging hormones, Tell him that sometimes, you are so pent up that you can't understand his verbal discussion. Ask him if it's possible for him to write it down so you can read and reread what he says so that your teenage emotions don't get in the way, and if they are you only have to look at his letter again to review what he says.

If he's really screaming at you too much to understand a simple thing like that, then he's being more the child than you are! In that case, tell him you are ready to have a calm talk with him in a normal voice, but if he keeps screaming it's too upsetting for you to understand what he means (which is true).

If that doesn't work you will both need counseling. Your folks should know you have a right not to be screamed at. You can go to your local community center for counseling if your folks keep screaming at you. If you don't know where to go, you can call your local police station (the regular phone number in the phone book, NOT 911) and they should be able to tell you where you can get help. If your folks scream too much, you may be a victim of abuse (you have a right to be talked to in a civil manner, even if you're only a kid).

Sometimes your folks will clam up if you start doing chores around the house. The secret is to charge them $1 for each chore. The reason it shuts them up is because it makes them impressed with you. They think you're being grown up, and they can't yell at you as long as they think you're too grown up to be yelled at.

For example, tonight during dinner, tell your Dad "I'm doing the dishes tonight." Then when he answers you or looks at you, say "That'll be a dollar." Do this every night. The yelling should stop soon.

If they don't want to pay you, then you tell them "OK I'm doing them anyway! If you don't want to pay for it that's fine! If I do a good job, then pay me what ever you think is fair." Remember, your goal is not to make money, it's to get them to stop yelling.

If it works, then offer to take out the trash. That's really going to shut them up. If you start vacuuming or sweeping, they will never bother you ever again. Don't forget to go through the same routine before doing each chore, by telling them "I'm going to vaccum the carpet this afternoon after school. That'll be a dollar please," or I'm gonna do the dishes tomorrow morning. That's gonna cost you a dollar, please." Don't forget your goal is not the dollar, it's to get them off your back.

I used this technique when I was 14 years old and it worked like a charm. My folks didn't pay me at first but after about six months they felt bad and they started giving me better presents for birthdays and stuff, then they gave me an allowance. They started asking me what kind of stuff I wanted them to buy for me! It was great.

Sometimes when they would yell at me, a good way to get out of it would be to tell them, "I'm gonna do the dishes now," or "I'm taking out the garbage now," and they would just shut up.

They might still yell sometimes but, for me it really made it seem a lot easier to take. Like you're being the grown up and they're being the kid! LOL. Makes ya feel bigger than them.

Hold that helped!

Answer 5

My mom and I went through this. We set up chat times....same day same time twice a week. We got caught up on school things and life things...both have to come to the chat ready to talk. Set a time and date with your dad. He has lotts going on and you do too im sure...that way you both know when it is time and can clear your minds and really 'talk'.

Good luck and dont fault him for trying. Some dads dont give a crap one way or the other...sounds like you got a good one!

Answer 6

Seems like both of you are being somewhat confrontational. You need to understand why he wants to talk about 'stuff' and he needs to have a calmer attitude towards you.

Instead of just saying "I'm not in the mood right now.", try saying "OK, I'm not feeling like it [or I'm busy with my homework] right now but can we make a time to talk, please?" and suggest a time ... say in an hour. Then listen to what he has to say!

Answer 7

there is no way to get him to understand, he's your dad and because your only 13 then he thinks he's right, so even though you might not be in the mood to hear whatever he has to say, just sit there and listen to it, at least once its all over you wont have to hear it again, but your be able to go to him when you need to and then he will listen to you.

Answer 8

So sit down and listen already, what do you have to lose? your father needs to reassure himself that you won't be going out in the world without a little guidance so humour him, teenagers think that they should be argumentative, ease up and get less pressure...

Answer 9

Your Dad is spending many of his waking hours concerned about your interaction into society and family. This is a time for learning for you, to open up, be honest and talk about anything that interests you whether it is the stars, his habits, your neihbours, anything. He wants you to be able to talk to him when you do have problems, and believe me you have thousands ahead of you. Learn to talk to him, learn to listen to him he won't take no forever. It is a beautiful oportunity to build a perfect frienship. Pete.

Answer 10

Oh.you have problems with your parents too? I guess everyone has problems.you gotta tell him calmly and slowly that you're in the mood.if he still screams at you like CRA-ZY then he's at the wrong. take good care.

Answer 11

wait until he's not in the mood then cut loose on him.
or explain the situation to your mom, maybe she can talk some sense into him.