Tell me what I should do..... please. Serious Answers only......... read details?

Question

When I was 19 and married to my first husband, my best friend moved in with us. Later I caught the two of them having an affair, and then divorced him and never spoke to her again until a few months ago. The every time that I saw him he told me that he loved me and was a fool and how my friend had started the whole thing. I never believed him for one minute. Now that I am 26 (married again and moved on), this past Feburary her father passed away. So I just sent an email telling her that I was sorry that her dad passed. Since then we have reconnected and are best friends again. She lives about 1000 miles away and in a bad relationship, and wanting to leave. I am thinking about going there to help her leave. This girl and I were like sisters and she meant so much to me. I was angry for a long time, but then found out that the ex husband was lying about alot of stuff. Am I crazy for trying to help her? Or should I just forget about her? Isn't forgiveness part of life? Thanks 4 the help

I am not remarried to him, I am married to someone else have been for almost 5 years.

She won't be coming to my house, I am picking her up and taking her to her mom's home here in Michigan.

She is not with the ex husband either. She is dating someone else. She learned her lesson about the scum bag too, and shortly after I left him, she moved out too. She wanted to contact me for years but was afraid that I would tell her to go to h e double l.

Answer 1

Well you're right. Everybody deserves a second chance and forgiveness is a part of life. I think you really want to be friends with her for the rest of your life. At least as long as possible. Help her. Be a nice person and give her a second chance after all she's been through. I don't see why you shouldn't.

Answer 2

To forgive someone is a must for all, but to forget is another thing. You have to weigh it all. Both your husband and your friend are equally at fault. It does not matter who went after who or any of the details, they both betrayed you. How does your current husband feel about you starting up a friendship with her again? Make sure he understands why you would want to do this and make sure becoming friends with her again will not cause any insecurities in you. There is no excuse for what she and your first husband did to you. No matter what the circumstances are they are equally at fault. Even if your ex told your friend lies about you, it still would not have been an excuse for her part. She needs to own up to her part with no excuses. You are the only one who can make this decision, so God bless you and good luck with your decision.

Answer 3

I am no expert on things like this but seems to me you have a huge heart and a forgiving one and if you truly have forgiven her for her part in a hurtfull time for you then i honestly think your doing the right thing ,, After all your ex could have said no ,,,but he didn't ,,and now that your remarried i hope that your alot happier ,, If she is going to be staying with you , i would put some ground rules down first thou ,,,

Answer 4

You really should go help her out regardless. If this girl was truly like a sister to you then you need to help her, and forgive her it sounds to me like you both were screwed over and even if you don't want to forgive her i think you should take her out of there. Your not crazy for wanting to help her out the fact that you want to help her out shows your a very good person. And really if your 1st husband was a scum bag then she did you a favor my exposing him to you instead of you having to come home one day and finding him there with some hooker while he was supposed to be watching your kids.(lets just say it might have happened if it had gone on to long)

Answer 5

what comes around goes around ,did she help u when u needed it, come for u when u where in a bad relationship even thou there was no death in ur family ,,, forgiveness is part of life that is what makes us human but not inhuman, but do not to forget so tread carefully when around her she just might do it again ,,u can help her in some ways for the loss ,but she has to move on an realize people die an not forgotten especailly when it family it hurts but that is part of life ,,just phone her or write her to let her know that u still care for her but have not forgotten what she did to u an give her ur [eace of mind (what she did to u) never trust ur friends that much look what it got u no matter how close they are to u (let her move in with u again an see what happens) ,,,,,,,

Answer 6

Let her deal with her problems on her own. She left you to deal with a broken marriage, her fault or not. It is not in your place to help someone out that did that to you. She does not even deserve to talk to you after she betrayed you that way. It takes two people to do it. So they were both at fault for having an affair. Why would you help her out? Did she help you out when you had to hire an attorney? Did she help you out when you had to pack up your things from your home when you got a divorce? DId she dry your eyes out when you discovered her in bed with your husband? NO! So why would you even consider doing the same for her?

Answer 7

Lending an ear is fine, but can't she move out on her own?
Whats the point helping someone who doesn't have the courage to help herself?

Please speak to your husband (current) for his suggestion since this involves your ex.

Also please be true to yourself on this question:-
Does something deep within you give you the feeling that justice has been finally done - for whatever wrong she brought into your life. And are you wanting to be there to also see the extent of justice done besides of course the good cause of helping her.

Best of luck

Answer 8

Being supportive of her is one thing, traveling a 1000 miles away is another thing. Remain supportive via phone calls and emails. Listen carefully to what she says, this will let you know if she is for real or is trying to play you.

Answer 9

Helping her is a great idea, but putting her in ur house should be out of the question!No-one is to enter between the couple not even a motherrrrrrrr!!!let alone a friend!!!!!!!!Be careful how u handle it!Byeeeeeee!!

Answer 10

its a good idea to help her.but whatever,keep a little distance from her so that you wont be hurt again.and do not remarry your ex-hubby.why should he go behind another girl when you r there wid him??and never divorce your present husband.