Am I too early to think about marriage?

Question

I know we love each other. Unconditionally. But, we've only been dating for about 4 months. We talked and want a future together. We talked of having our own place to be together. But is it too early to think, "Oh my God, I want to marrry this guy!"

I don't really want to get married yet. I just dream with it. We want to persue the same careers and have the same passions and fairly similar goals. We do want to take our time. I just wanted to know if thinking about marriage so soon was healthy...

Answer 1

My wife and I dated for six weeks before we got engaged, then we got married 5 months later. This was nearly four years ago and I've never regretted it. It doesn't take long to get to know somebody.

***HOWEVER***--look at the situation rationally. Before I proposed to my wife, I forced myself to rip off the rose-tinted glasses and ask myself some hard questions:

Is this person a responsible adult?
Does this person share my values?
Does this person respect me?
Would this person make a good roommate?
Do I want this person to be the mother of my children?
Can I grow old together with this person?
Am I ready to commit?

It was tough to force myself to answer these questions objectively and honestly, but I think I did, and they were all in the affirmative. The woman I married isn't perfect, nor are we a "perfect match" (something that doesn't exist), but we have a sound, happy marriage and are still deeply in love.

Speaking of "love," I can tell you that "romantic love" is, by itself, a very poor foundation for a marriage, for the simple reason that it DIES. Romantic love is a sort of "initiation" to a relationship, but after not too long, it is replaced (if the couple is compatible) by "companionate love." This kind of love is stronger, more stable, and much less "blind" than romantic love.

So my advice to you is, no, four months is not too short a time. It's just important that you be completely honest with yourself in determining whether or not you can happily live with this man for the next several decades. Don't blindly make such an important decision based solely on the feelings you get while dancing in fountains with him.

Answer 2

Unless you're religious and consider living together sinful, try doing that first. You find out alot more about a person by living with them. Consider it a trial.

SO you know he's the one! Congratulations! There is however more than one 'one' for everyone by the way. However that said, that isn't to say that you and this guy won't get married and be happily married till you're 150 or something.

It depends on how old both of you are, it depends on whether you'd each need to move to live together, it depends on a lot of things, including how compatible you are - I'm not talking about whether your stars match or numerology fits but I'm talking about what you both expect out of a long term relationship like marriage. Do you want kids? Do you not want kids? Do you want to be a stay at home Mom or not when the kids come around?

Also here's a hint. Whilst there are some rare - I mean so rare it's biblical age wise, relationships where there Are NO disagreements, but back in the real world, how you each deal with disagreements is a big telling factor.

Are there things about him you don't like? Is he tight with money and are you overly generous? Is he too social and you like staying home? You'd benefit from really examining your emotions and reactions from how you deal with problems within the relationship..

And good luck!

Answer 3

It is absolutely way, way, way too early to be thinking about marriage. If you are both consensual adults, then, at the very least, you should date several more months before living together. Most people would be much better off if they simply lived together for five years to see if the person they're with is really so wonderful when the newness and the romance wear off. Cohabitation is the surest prevention to divorce. But, above all else, there is one rule you must follow: DO NOT GET PREGNANT UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED. No other advice will save you more heartache than that one simple concept.

Answer 4

Way to early.

Dosen't mean you have to break up with him though.

I dated my wife for 18 months before we got married. We are happy now, but looking back we rushed things along.

When my wife and I got married, we never fought. We both thought we were the perfect couple, but we nearly got divorced 2 years ago (after 7 years of marraige). It took a lot of work and trust to keep our marraige alive. Eventually, you will have some significant challenges to overcome together.

Think long term!! Add a child, mortgage and 10 years of age into the mix- you will both change a lot. Those butterfly feelings you get when you see each other now may still come, but they will happen less frequently! 4 months is not enough time to get to know someone you may spend the next 50+ years with.

Answer 5

You're on the right track. Many couples don't even talk about their path -- and how they see their future.

That's a good start. You need to think about those things -- your careers, how you will keep a budget, when you want to have children, and if you share the same goals and passions regarding life and eternal things.

You didn't mention how old you both were -- that makes our response difficult. Seek the counsel of a wise person -- like your pastor. Like I said -- it's great that you've discussed issues with him.

Your remark about being stunned that you want to marry him is funny, but it happens to a lot of folks! Yes -- 4 months is early, but the foundation seems good.

Answer 6

Four months is way too early. You're still in the infatuation stage, so you're going to be blind to the negative aspects of your partner, and it's simply not enough time to get to know a person. Take at least a year, if not more, before you make any sort of legally-binding decision, and make sure you talk about big issues like having children, careers and where you see them in the future, past relationships, argument and communication styles, etc. If it's a good relationship, there's no need to rush---you'll get to the altar eventually.

Answer 7

LOL. Nah. Everyone in my family knew almost from the moment they met that they'd be together. And, so far, there's only been one divorce out of four marriages.

My parents were married six months after they met, having lived together 3 months. Married over 37 years.

My older brother knew who his wife would be after the very first telephone conversation. Married over 14 years.

I knew I would marry my hubby by day four. Married over 13 years.

My little brother knew who his wife would be almost instantly, too. Married for 4 years. Incidentally, this is the only one divorced. His wife denounced Christ (and even her Jewish heritage), left him for another man, and started wearing short, unprofessional skirts, got a tattoo, started smoking, and shacked up. I think it's an identity crisis.

Answer 8

Its perfectly ok to think and plan for the future. What is important is that you act on it when you are ready. Marriage is something that you need to be completely sure about before you commit.

You can always stay together even without get married first.

Answer 9

Well my husband proposed after 6 months and we were married 8 months later. August 16 will be our 3 yr anniversary and I am so happy. You are the only one who knows when the time is right. Dont let no one tell you any different. Follow your heart. You will know when it is right.

Answer 10

in my opinion maybe it is too early to get married for you . but i got married when i was 19. and my husband and i where dating for only 5 months when he proposed to me. i said yes and we where married 8 months later. as of today we have been married almost 2 years and we have a wonderful son.
but dont rush into this unless you feel that you can see yourself with him for the rest of your life. marriage is not a one person thing its you and him decideing everything about everything. so it is really up to you weither he is worth it or not to give your whole heart and life too.