what do you do when you "fall out of love" with your husband....we've been together for 13 years....help

Question

He's been my best friend since I met him at 19. He was about the 3rd guy I had only dated and was a virgin......yes, we had sex before marriage and that wasn't the problem......I'm 32 now and am wanting to see what else is "out there". We aren;'t getting along and I feel that we aren't going "to the same place" anymore. We still are the best of friends but have fallen "out of love' with each other. He still wants sex but I don't want him that way at all anymore.. I still love him dearly and don;'t want to hurt him........Help........

Answer 1

Oh, honey. The same thing has happened on and off in my own marriage. We're very close to the same age, you and I (I'm 33, married 13+ years), and the answer is so simple, it will amaze you if you just try it.

Here it is: love is a choice, not just a feeling. I guarantee you that if you make the efforts to choose loving, selfless actions towards him that your heart will naturally follow and you will wonder why you ever fell out of love with him in the first place. I know. It's happened to me. And not JUST me. So many others, too.

Some practical ideas are these:
~Greet him when he comes home with a warm smile and a glass of his favorite beverage (Dr. Pepper for MY hubby).
~Put the kids to bed and watch his favorite show together, even if you hate it. But do it gladly.
~Leave him a note in his lunch that says simply, "Just thinking about how glad I am that you work as hard as you do for our family. Thank you."
~Clean up the kids before he comes home and have them lined up at the door to greet him. It sounds June Cleaver-ish, but it's so cute when the kids get into it.
~Think about s*x during the day so that you can engage in it willingly at night. Actually engaging in it has this transforming effect on us women. We're not built like men; we have a more emotional attachment to s*x than they do. I find that when I'm not craving s*x with my hubby, but I indulge his desire for it, I end up glad that I did and feeling warm and bubbly towards him.
~Make a list of 5 things you admire about him. As you become apathetic towards him, look at your list, read it over and over. Add more to it as you think of them. Make occasions to tell him some of those things from time to time.
~Rub his shoulders after a long day at work.
~Make his favorite meal... twice in one week!
~Call him just to hear his voice.
~Plan a date night all by yourself. Get the sitter, arrange the event, and tell him you want to hang out with him.
~Smile! Smile! Smile! Hubbies are naturally attracted to a smiling wife. And you'll find yourself desiring to smile more when you see how it affects him.
~Take his criticism or annoying habits with a grain of salt and choose NOT to let it get under you skin. Remember: you're pretty annoying to him sometimes, too.
~Do those little things he's been bugging you to do for years.

And, whatever you do, don't get divorced. The grass is NOT greener! All the grass everywhere has weeds and pests in it. Nothing is better than what you already have built with this man, your best friend, your husband, your life!

Many blessings to you!

Answer 2

I think you guys are just tired of looking at each other. The same person every day, it's completely normal. If you aren't getting along and feel so "disconnected" then you should talk it over with him and make a firm decision. The way you say you still love him dearly sounds like you love him now as a friend or as a person. Loving and holding a person dearly are very different. A person who loves cries. While a person who just hold someone dear laments.

Answer 3

stay in each others lives. It sounds like you want one yet another. yet you're able to keep the obstacles set with the help of the regulation, too. So keep all of it very loving and such do merely not bypass and make a mess of it with the help of having too actual. That way you'll earn comprehend from her figure/s also. My bro had a gf who replaced into that age, he replaced into 18. She replaced into mature previous her years, and that i confirm that is what's happening the following. And it worked out. So what the heck does it count number? i imagine age is the suck. And suited success! deliver me an invitation once you get married some day! :)

Answer 4

I met my husband when I was 16, and we got married one month after I turned 18. We have been married for almost 6 years, and I haven't been in love with him for the past two years of our marriage. I regret staying in the marriage for the past two years, just because I was afraid of hurting him. It made me and him miserable. I got to where I didnt' want to be around him at all, and when I was around him, all we would do was argue. We recently sat down and talked about it, and decided to get a divorce. He is hurt a little, but I know that if I hadn't have talked to him about it, I would just end up hating him. I would rather end it on good enough terms that we could still be friends. Maybe you should sit down and talk to your husband about how you feel, and explain to him that all you want is to be able to be happy, and that you don't want to hurt him, but you feel this is the best for you and for him. You don't want to let it keep going til you both despise each other. I hope that everything works out for you.

Answer 5

Marriage counseling.

Actually this is one of the biggest reasons people get divorced. The number one reason men get married is because the girl is their best friend. Then they stop being sexually attracted to them. Seems like you've got the same problem. Talk to a counselor and they'll help you figure out how to get back to where you were.

Answer 6

The help I will provide is to tell you to stop being selfish and understand that marriage is a lifelong committment. You want to know what else is out there? I'm a man and I'll tell you.. 99% of men are pigs.

You're free to do what you want, of course, but I still gave you the help you requested. I think you know I'm right.

Answer 7

Everyone has a novel to write. I'm going through the same thing with my wife; except for the virgin part. After 12 years, you seem to get stuck in the same old dull routine. Now, not being attracted anymore. I would say leave and go find what you're looking for.

Answer 8

This what happens when virgins get married. You are pathetic. You want a divorce just because you don't want to have sex with your husband. Your are the lowest form of human scum. You are looking for any excuse to get out of your marriage so you can ***** other people. You are a whore.

Answer 9

ok look i have been with my outher half for 12 yrs on and off and when that person was gone for how ever long it was i miss that person so what i do is when i think i am not in love i think about what is it that made me fell the way i fell about this person and then i start all over again like going on a date and if you r truly not in love with this person then honey you really need to see if the grass is greener on the outher side

Answer 10

Love is like fire: it's beautiful when it ignites and glows bright as the sun as it burns, but as it burns it consumes eaveything around it and itself for fuel, until it dies out and turns to smoldering ash and embers.

Now for the answer: You want another guy and don't want your hubby to know, but stay with him for financial reasons, I bet. If you fall out of love, you shouldn't have started that fire in the first place, cause you just can throw cold water on his burning flame. You can't be a cold fire either. So either burn, or extinguish.