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We have been together now for 4 years and we have a 3 year old child. He is extremely controlling with money especially when it comes to me. He now gives me $40 a week. He didn't even give me any money for 8 months after i had our son, not even to get a drink when i went down town then he started giving me $15. Then i insisted on getting $40 a week if we had to live downstairs form his parents while we renorvate our house. He didnt want to give me that but his parents knew about it so he had to. But now he will not give me enough money for food and things for my son so my money goes towards that. He calls me names and puts me down all the time. And everything has got to be his way. he doesn't care about what i need at all. He has decided he wants to have another baby and is trying to blalckmail me by saying we can't get new furntiure unless i have a baby. But i wont because it is not a good situation. He won't let me use the car to see my family 7 hours a way. he will not get counselli

2006-08-07 17:35:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

17 answers

pick up your child walk out the door and NEVER look back.... it is NOT going to get better, only worse....

you can create a better life for you and your child far away from this person.

2006-08-09 00:40:29 · answer #1 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0 0

You stood firm on the $40 issue and he feels that he's losing control of you. He doesn't want another child - he's trying to add weight to the anchor that keeps you there with him. You didn't mention physical abuse so I assume there is none. What do you think he would do if you left? You probably have a domestic violence program in your area. Find out and get the help you need to get away from him. I wouldn't even bother speaking with his parents - they're the ones who raised this control freak. He will most likely never admit that he has a problem, much less seek help for himself, but imagine the damage he will do to your child's mind if you don't get away from this mess.

2006-08-07 17:54:21 · answer #2 · answered by Who the heck is Bobby? 3 · 0 0

You are having panic attacks due to the stress in your life. Once the stress is removed your panic attacks will fade away. How can you possibly remain in a marriage like this? This is unbelievable.....men are suppose to cherish their wives and nothing in what you say indicates any such thing. He is a controlling out of control man and he knows you are unhappy, so you having another baby will (in his mind) keep you there. My thoughts scream GET OUT OF THERE AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!! This is not love in any way or form and I would take my child and go to my parents and fight for your lives and I mean in the way of gaining control of your life so you can become healthy again.....no more panic attacks....no more abusing spouse. I really hope for your sake and your childs you find a way out, even if you have to do so without his knowledge. I hope you do not fear physically that he will harm you....do what you have to to be safe with your child!!!

2006-08-07 17:45:30 · answer #3 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0 0

I myself get these so-called "panic" attacks when driving. Not always, but sometimes - I try and listen to music - but that doesn't always work. If the attack is "overwhelming" - I pull over - and take a good deep breath - fresh air - a drink of water - Google your problem - there are a lot of methods to try out there in cyberland! Just for a laugh - I sometimes get a panic attack when I can't find my keys to the car!! Go figure!! somethings that happen to us through our lives are just not explainable... Take care of yourself - OH! another thing I do now - I totally avoid major highways if I can - if I can't I try to go on them at times when the traffic is lighter... I chalk my panic attacks while driving up to the fact the "you don't have to take an I.Q. Test to get a driver's licence".... and the roads now a day, sure have a lot of "idiots" driving on them!! Be Safe...

2016-03-27 03:15:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Give me five minutes alone with this guy and immunity from prosecution.

Ok, I am going to be more honest with you than you are going to like. It will not be pretty, but if you believe it, don’t take it the wrong way, and use it, you will get through this thing just fine.

The truth is that control is not, and cannot be, forced on anyone. Control is a contract of mutual benefit between the controller and the controlled. Through the course of your relationship, your partner and you exchanged a series of interactions that gradually wrapped you into a web of control by your own consent.
Why your consent? Because you always have had, and continue to have, the option to say no, stand up, fight back, and refuse his control of you. I know that this is a simplification, but let me explain by asking you why do you not refuse his control? Fear? Cowardice? Apathy? Several or all of the above and/or more? It’s complicated, I know, but if you really give it some thought, you will be able to identify and even rank your reasons by importance.
Ok, now that you know why you can’t break lose, let me tell you how you can. For example: Fear. Since you mentioned panic attacks, I’ll take for granted that this is a big one. Fear of what? His words, actions, influence, your own inadequacy? Why? What will he really do? what will he really say? Who will really do his bidding if called on? Are you really as small as he tells you that you are? He wants you to believe that the worst possible fate will befall you if you leave. The truth is that the worst possible fate lies with staying with him.
Now that you are looking deep and questioning yourself, think about the lies, not just what they are and what the truth is, but why would he make those lies and enforce them on you? The answer: Fear. His fear.
This is your advantage. Because he fears to lose his power, you, who have semi-involuntarily given him his power, can take it back. He fears this and thus he fears you in a way. That is why attempts to break away from him are met with strong reactions. Because he is afraid to lose the good deal he has with you.

Here’s where it gets ugly:

Why are your thoughts about leaving him so troubling? Your fear. Of him? Sure, to some extent, but he is just a man. There is only so much he could do if you protect yourself and get law enforcement and your loved ones involved. The stronger fear is fear of losing your side of the bargain.
He gets to feel big and in control, but you get something in this bargain too. Like I said, it is a contract. Each of you get something. What is it you are getting? I already made too many assumptions and I don’t want to further belittle you by pretending to know you from your question, but there is something you fear to lose. You have to identify it, come to terms with it and learn to let it go. When you do that, you’ll break your end of the contract and gain the power to break his hold on you.

2006-08-07 18:26:26 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

Let me tell you what I tell any woman in a situation like that, YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now repeat 500 times a day: I DESERVE BETTER, I DESERVE BETTER...

One of my girlfriends left a jerk like that and within a few months, she had started a new job, her co-workers set her up with a new guy. He's a gem! He's respectful and admires her and loves her so much! And she's crazy about him. For their wedding I found the greatest card it said on the front: LOVE, then you opened it and it said, "It's not just for fairy tales anymore." I thought that card was so appropriate for that wedding in particular.

I hope you get some protection from your family or police or whoever and get yourself and your child out of there and get your belongings if you can, if you can't then don't worry, you'll get other things. A guy like that does NOT get nicer, he will only get worse. And how long will you wait until your baby's mother is dead???

Now, RUN the heck out of there! (I recommend reading a Melody Beattie book about co-dependency, so you learn not to repeat this pattern, many women do that, sadly enough.)

Good luck and may you have peace and find the love you deserve.

2006-08-07 17:59:34 · answer #6 · answered by Polly 4 · 0 0

Talk to his parents. They may know why he is this way. Does his family resemble the same role/relationship? Was he like this before you got together? This is serious because you have a child that needs a stable role model, and you need a healthy relationship to grow. He is controlling, and that is not fair to you or your child. If he will not get counseling, you may consider residing with your family even though they are seven hours away. Don't let him be your voice, and please...don't have any more children if you know it will result in further harm!

2006-08-07 17:41:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

This is a LOUSY relationship. I would be afraid of having panic attacks staying with a low life like him! Being afraid of having a panic attack is no reason to put up with this kind of abuse. There are medications you can take for anxiety and panic. Do you have family members ---parents, siblings, who can help you out financially or with a place to stay until your able to stand on your own two feet? If not, I would suggest contacting a women's shelter like the House of Ruth or another similar in your area.
Do whatever you have to do to get out and get away from this cretin and never look back.
Good luck.

2006-08-07 18:05:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Gather what you have left and leave his azz!! It's HIS insecurities that are making him behave this way and when you respond by allowing the behavior, he loses respect for you.
You are apparently alright with being his "scrub" that he can push around... Right? It's also apparently alright that you teach your child that he/she should be treated the same?
Go straight to Legal Aid and file for divorce. Don't talk to him, don't see him, nothing... You can get assistance with housing, food, etc.... from the state.
If you have another baby he thinks it will tie you down to him even more.... He believes you will never leave him and stay gone because of the child you share as it is, it seems... Prove his azz WRONG!!!
Good Luck.... I hate to see a child in the midst of this...

2006-08-07 18:01:01 · answer #9 · answered by ~Me~ 4 · 0 0

I was in a marriage like that for 26 years. Get out when you can.
Believe me that a man who has that much control will just get worse. And about panic attacks.....the longer you stay the worse they will be. I had them like crazy until I left. Having more children will make things worse. When those children get to be teenagers, can you imagine how they will feel about their controlling dad and their mom the door mat.
If you fear him, make an escape plan.

2006-08-07 17:49:16 · answer #10 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0 0

You need to speak to your parents, make arrangements to just leave him and don't go back because his never going to change. I now i have a friend going through the same thing and all she dose is cry and hope he changes, he noes she is weak and just laughs at her. He is weak, selfish, has no self esteem and needs to be in control of some one and your the one. He takes it out on you because you let him and your to nice. Stop been nice and PISS HIM OFFFFFF. your better off in a tent and happy then in a new house and miserable. Good luck

2006-08-08 23:03:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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