rate this poem one to ten and tell me what you think and feel?

Question

i woke up early today just to smash the early bird with a f*ckin brick!i went back to sleep and dreamed a little dream about my mind not screaming anymore.
i laugh at crippled people and then remeber that just because someone's and invalid doesnt mean they're in-valid.
i most of the time ejaculate too quickly.
god was wearing ripped panty hose and smeared lipstick that looked like her 6 yr old son put it on with his elbow.
i stop crying long enough to make a lude sexual referrence towards her.she slaps me.why all these needs for splitting hairs when babies die so you can wear diamonds? am I tired to death of the need for righteousness and order and answers for each miniscule grain?
they never stop to think the answer may be within the lack there of.
serenity is a gaping void.a box on top of a box means "we rule all" now take a close look at a chevron logo.waking up inside of a nightmare i am making up because we/I deny my/our true potential.
what is the closest star to earth?

Answer 1

I think this fails as poetry, but you have potential..you need to study more, read more, write more, and try rewrites. As it is, it is a rambling, unconnected disconnected thought line as if you are on drugs. Get to work, edit out the unrelated thoughts and it will work. You ask for an opinion, I am giving you one...you can get there if you work on it...I couldn't get as far as you have. Good luck

Answer 2

I would say an "8" because there is a lot going on and the vision is attainable to the reader. I particularly liked, "serenity is a gaping void.a box on top of a box means "we rule all" now take a close look at a chevron logo." It identifies with the oil situation we all encounter.
The need for splitting hairs when babies die so we can wear diamonds is a fantastic way of summing up the ridiculous nature of man in general. Sacrifice vs. Righteousness.
I like it - a lot.

Answer 3

First of all, I should mention that I'm no expert on poetry or anything like that. That being said, this poem, to me, is mildly intriguing mostly because of the format, but it doesn't strike me as being particularly expressive nor does it give me a really clear picture of anything. On first reading, it just seems like a riff of a bunch of brief, unrelated rants and thoughts like talk radio hosts sometimes do. If you want a number 1-10, I'd put this somewhere in the 5-6 range, but I think you have a good start here. In my non-expert opinion, it could use a little polishing. There's elegance in brevity, so I'd say cut the length and be VERY deliberate in the words you choose.

By the way, run it through a spell check. There are a lot of errors there.

Answer 4

8

Answer 5

You have talent, but check punctuation and grammar--find a way to get rid of some of the ? endings to your lineage. Your mood is very angry at first, then glooming, then ends sort of..desperate. The talent and ability is there, if you want an opinion I'd give it a 9 after revision. But if this is your outlook on the world, you need to get a kitten or spend some time around a newborn baby. You'll realize that you are doing everything in your power to contribute to what matters. Worrying and pessemism and uncertainty wastes so much life. Good poem though.

Answer 6

It's a little bit out of order and random. But the ideas are good. You might wanna stick to just a couple of topics in poems instead of with all these random ideas, although some is good. But I think the poem needs a little bit of work. Don't be upset or mad at me. I'm just telling my opinion about it like what you said. I would give it a 7 1/2.

Answer 7

I read this and kept waiting for the poem to come, but it didn't. It appeared to be more prose than a poem. My thoughts on this composition is that is would receive a failing grade; something below par. Your point wasn't clear. Your grammer was bad. Your thoughts seemed very confused and disorderly. I felt like whoever wrote this has emotional problems and trouble putting their thoughts together. Creative writing can be exciting, but to be successful it must offer a complete thought. Rambling is not creative writing or poetry or prose.

Answer 8

well any writing is mostly just the expression of what is going on inside of you. what i would do being a person who loves writing as a way of expressing myself too, would be before i post anything i would write and rewrite and rewrite some more so it made sense to me and other people who will read it too. that way everyone gets to enjoy it. for me myself it was a little disjointed and i am never sure of where you are trying to take me. i feel confused but i am sure if you are done with it and think it is fine as is and comes across as what you are really trying to say...then no other opinion but yours is necessary is it?

Answer 9

from 1-10 i would rate it a 0

Answer 10

You just sound like an angry 13 year old that didn't get his way and now is crying poor me. This "poem" and I sure wouldn't call it one, sucks ***. Worst bunch of random thoughts thrown on paper that I have read in a long time. Rating: NEGATIVE 10!