I'm not getting married now. My boyfriend wants to get married in two years. I am not at all comfortable with displays of affection. So even thought it's a long time away I'm trying to talk him out of marriage. Being married is not so much what bothers me, but the actual wedding. I don't want to go through with it. I wish I could just sign something and be married. He says that I don't want a future with him and that I don't want to get married because he's not special enough to me. That's not true at all. He wants me to walk down an isle and talk about love and have all this attention focused on me. I can't even handle the thought of that. I don't know if I will ever be comfortable with getting married, but I don't want to break up with him. I've told him I'm not ready to get married and he's it's still two years away. I'm thinking about this way too much. I'm hope over time I will mature and not see a wedding day as something I should dread. I am open to any suggestions on what to do
2006-08-07 16:57:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well... I think I know what you mean. I wanted to get married though... But the church part scared me a little. When we finnialy did get married, I had just had my baby girl a month earlier, and by that time I hadn't even kissed my boyfriend in front of my parents or his. So I know what you mean when you say your nervous about talking about love and all that in front of family and friends... But my wedding day was cut short, no one could actually come... Seriously. So you could just go to the court house and get married. or have a very small and private church cermony and have a party afterwards. But you don't have to have a church part and talk about love and all that. But if you love your boyfriend, and do want to be with him forever, don't let that worry you know. 2 years is a long ways away. and you can just sign papers and be married.
2006-08-07 17:04:12 · answer #1 · answered by Dana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. My advice to you is that if you are not comfortable with PDA, but you would like to marry him, you can just go get your license and go to your local court house and just have a judge marry you. The only people who would be there would be the Judge and I am not sure but I think you do have to have 1 witness other than the judge. Can you handle that? That is what my mom and dad did cause my mom didn't want a wedding. So call you local court house and ask about it. I think that is the closest thing you can do to signing a piece of paper. Best of Luck to you.
2006-08-08 00:06:24 · answer #2 · answered by beachchic705 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear the way you are feeling at the moment, DONT DO IT, you have got alot of sorting out to do in your mind and feelings. Famous old saying, "When in doubt, DONT", so again I say, if you have any doubts, dont do it. Yes you are right to think maybe in time you will mature and be able to assess what you want, sounds like you have had some sort of horrible experience that you have not spoken about, or seen some terrible marriage experiences, which again you need to be able to be mature enough to know what you want out of marriage. Please dont let anyone push you into it. It is supposed to be a life time committment, but today I dont know that it is, alot of marriage breakups are happening, so be sure before you take the final plunge. Maybe you need to discuss things with a councillor about your fears, they might be able to shed some light on the situation for you. Good Luck
2006-08-08 00:08:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that you will marry him in a very small civil ceremony. You don't want a big wedding. Tell him what you told us. If he doesn't understand and respect your feelings, you will have to reconsider him. If he can't make allowences for your feelings now, he will not when you are married. If you want a wonderful relationship with him, you have to talk to him. This is how we get to know our partners. The worst that could happen is that you find out you are wrong for eachother.
2006-08-08 01:18:01 · answer #4 · answered by william m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i got married at city hall and wish now that I had had the big wedding and super special day that my parents offered to me. But if you just can't handle it, tell him. And hopefully he will understand. But the main thing is: 2 yrs is a long time you may feel different then. Let it rest for a yr then start worrying. You are borrowing trouble.
2006-08-08 00:14:00 · answer #5 · answered by beth l 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of dwelling on the marriage in two years think seriously about a trip to Vegas. You can go to a Chapel and have the ceremony preformed and you'll be married without all the attention on you and have a wonderful honeymoon to boot.
Good luck
2006-08-08 00:22:35 · answer #6 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it if you are not ready. It sounds as though there are some underlying issues you may have. I would seek some professional help. Not only that but if he truly loved you it wouldn't matter if it was a massive event or a justice of the peace thing. Sounds like he has a bit of insecurity too.
2006-08-08 00:05:56 · answer #7 · answered by fourwells77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A suggestion: get away from each other. This is a relationship made with disaster.
PS -- Weddings do more to ruin marriages than anything I can think of.
2006-08-08 00:53:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling to find the underlying reason you are uncomfortable with this and if you don't want to get married 110% than don't do it even the best couples find marriage hard...
2006-08-08 00:09:50 · answer #9 · answered by lol_des 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just think of it as a couple of hours, your love will bring you through it and you will be glad you did. Every little girl deserves to be center of attention at least once Try to enjoy it good luck!!!
2006-08-08 00:17:19 · answer #10 · answered by cowboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋