Do I have the right to be jealous?

Question

one night when me and my boyfriend where laying on his bed listening to his music on his laptop and he happen to come to a song that him and his ex listen to all the time. (his first girlfriend) I guess you can say it was “THERE” song. Well he told me that he made a promise to her that he would never dance to that song with another girl. He told me that he would never be friends with his ex girl friends...but he’s friends with “her” Yes I’m a little jealous. He told me that he never could see himself getting married when he was with his ex-girls, he said I was different, that he wanted to get married to me and I want to get married to him....Even though I had only had 1 boyfriend in my whole life besides him and only had sex with one guy (him) and I’m 17 years old. I love him so much but I hate that fact that he’s still friends with Nicole his friend.....his EX, first love. I pisses me off. [sigh] do I have the right to be jealous? Is it bad that I feel this way?

If you have something to say to me and it’s mean please, please keep it to yourself because I’m already depressed I really don’t need someone else to bring me down.
I can’t help it I wear my emotions on my shoulders

Answer 1

If you feel jealously, then the relationship is in the wrong place.

While part of you feels ready for a serious (lifetime) commitment, you are still very young. You have a man who is willing to bring "ghosts" from past relationships into your relationship.

That's arrogant and rude, and immature.

Whether you ahve the right to be jealous is irrelevant. You have the right to a thoughtful boyfriend who is completely past his old flames.

Answer 2

He sounds sketchy to me.

First, how long was there relationship?
Plus, whys is she different from the others.

I can understand your hurt.

Your only 17, and there is so much more you still to experience.

Also, I know this hurts to hear"but if he wants to marry you and loves you as much as you love him..he should be able to separate the past from the future"

I was in a relationship, where my ex was still friend with is ex and it was hard.

But remember, don't get mad or paranoid, cause if will only make him mad and run to her for advise.

Talk to him and tell him, it makes you feel uncomfortable. It he really loves you, he will understand.

And if he gets defense, then I would be concerned.

There is always going to be jealousy with an ex..

Answer 3

for some reason, i don't think he would say he wanted to marry u if he didn't really want to..u guys are young, and u seem to be pretty committed..there really isn't a huge reason for him to lie, saying he wants to marry u but *secretly* wants to marry her... =T.. of course u have a right to get mad, but the question is..do u trust him? notice how i say the question isn't do u love him... cuz that is obvious. what u need is to be secure with HIS love. does he make u feel safe, happy, wanted, needed, and cared for? does he ever give u reason to distrust him? if he does, then yes i would be concerned. but if not, and he's just telling u the truth about her, that he did care about her at one time and had a song w/ her. what u can bring up to him is the statement where he said he would never be friends w/ his exes.. then why IS he still friends w/ her?? that's weird..... but like i said, how do u feel about him as a boyfriend. if he is trustworthy in ur eyes, then i would give him the benefit of the doubt. but u have to let him know ur boundaries, and ur expectations from urself and from him in the relationship. if his friendship w/ that girl gets Closer, that's a bad sign and an indicator that ur jealousy is validated. but if his friendship is an aquaintance and doesn't impede ur relationship, then try to be understanding. he's with you, not with her. just make sure he doesn't get defensive or angry when she comes up, because he needs to validate YOUR feelings as his girlfriend.. .regardless of if u are overreacting or not, if something upsets u, he needs to address it and help you understand and fix things together. if it really bothers u, tell him, but don't accuse; just say sometimes it's hard for u to feel comfortable w/ his friendship w/ her, not cuz u dont' trust him, but because u know they had something, and it makes u feel sad about urself. hopefully he is loving and understanding and will work w/you to find out a solution.

Answer 4

No he's not over her if he can't even dance to what was their song with you. Why is he still putting so much value in a promise he made to an ex girlfriend who he's still friends with when he told you he wasn't friends with any of his old girlfriends? He's not completely over her mentally. It's up to you how you feel about that and if you can deal with it. Of course he'll deny any feelings for her still. But then again he is with you not her.

Answer 5

All I can say is get over it.. I'm not saying that to be mean.. its just how it has to be.

My boyfriend still talks to two of his 3 ex girlfriends.. he talks to some girl that lives in Austrailia that he slept with. He talks to some russian girl he slept with. He slept with our friends wife before he met me, and he still talks to her because he is still friends with her husband.

Do I like this? Of course not.. but I'm over it. I don't get jealous anymore. The only reason to be jealous is if you don't trust that your boyfriend is over his ex. There is a reason that she is his ex. There is a reason that he is still with you. If you trust that he loves you.. that should be all you need. If you cannot trust that.. maybe you should take another look at your relationship.. I'm not saying it will be easy.. but you have to get past this if you ever expect your relationship to last. Otherwise eventually, thoughts will start brewing in your mind of things that might be going on when you arent around and it will tear your relationship apart.

Answer 6

No I dont really think you have the right to be jealous , it was just a promise he made to her and he is just holding up to his promise. It sounds like he loved her but now he is committed to his relationship with you. However if he is cheating on you with her you dont need him you can do better. I would just keep an eye on him .

Answer 7

my fiance gets jealous to because my ex and i had a "song" and they do not get along, but i love her and i dont love my ex and we dont speak although my family still consider her a friend. if your boyfriend really loves u and not them he'll prove it by not making u spend time with her and he will stop seeing her if it upsets u. its okay to be jealous sometimes times aslong as it doesnt ruin friendships or relationships

Answer 8

You do have the right to be jealous. I would be pissed too.I'm Not trying to hurt your feelings but it seems like he still has feelings for her. Maybe you should talk about this more with him. It seems like there's more to it then he's telling you.