When people cross the line with you, how do you deal with it?

Question

I'm not referring to friends, but people that you work with or other acquaintances. These are people that you don't have to have great relations with on a personal level.

When they treat you disrespectfully/rudely do you verbally confront them or do you just become rather distant towards them? Please explain why you do what you do.

Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

For me I’ve always been a powerful advocate for being direct. That is to just come out and tell that person as succinctly and directly as I can that they are treading on very thin ice. I do this by first calmly calling them by their full name and asking them to follow me, which is out of earshot of everyone else and then I either just start in by asking them what issue they might have with me or by saying that their actions, attitudes, comments or whatever offensive social mannerisms are not appreciated and won’t be tolerated by you.

I’ve done this with people at all levels of the corporate structure, from those in lower job positions to those above me, and I have to tell you I’ve never been retaliated upon by anyone, especially by those above me. I know the law and I know how to file charges if the issue is something that can be handled in court or if it’s a corporate structural issue I work within the guidelines of that corporate structure until I get results. But for the most part most of the people above me generally don’t try to tick me off because I’ve always been an excellent employee and because I also have a history of knocking managers down in rank because I know how to work the system. Also I do work out in the ring a lot and I'm great at kickboxing so if a manager gets sore at me I generally make a friendly offer to them take a the chance to work out some of their frustration about me by stepping in the ring with me and having a few rounds. I’ve never had anyone take me up on the offer and they generally slink back under their rock.

The main point though is to confront the issue without loosing temper because when you do you have control of the situation, if you do it effortlessly you’ll generally find that the person you’re confronting will loose control and when they do you’ve just won the battle because the one who looses their temper first is generally the person with the inferior personality. And if theirs one thing that I’ve learned is that hostility and violence is generally the last resort of the incompetent.

Answer 2

I'm very direct but never sink down to their level because I know who I am and that is a very classy / respectful person even when dealing with rude people.

So say someone cuts in front of me in a line, I would never ignore and also not look to pick a fight but just say "Excuse me, you can't cut into this line. Go stand back there where the end of the line is." If they mumbled to "f off" or something I would just not waver, and say "that's really nice but you have no right to cut in here so just go to the end of the line and then I would continue to move into the correct space in line, ahead of them..."

The key is also in your attitude -- you have to show the other person that you mean what you y, you are not backing down and there are no other options in your mind. It really helps to have a good sense of humor, quick wit and just move on very quickly from the situation -- you are just wasting your time to hang around and argue with a loser...

Another time a person at a job I had refused to cooperate on my project b/c I was as young as her son -- she said some very rude things. I just said "no problem, this is obviously your issue to deal with and I will just let the chairman know that your part of the report will not be included -- you can explain to him why you will not do your job -- and from there I went back to my office completed the report and handed it to the chairman just saying that Rosie would not contribute."

Hope this helps -- you really do need to speak up and defend yourself and others from rude people; just don't let it bother you and don't dwell on these ridiculous people -- you've got your own thing going on so focus on that and deal with what you need to along the way! ;)

Answer 3

You have to make a choice. Do you treat them like an angry parent would treat a child and scold them? Do you treat them in an assertive manner? You also need to consider their position. Is it your boss? Is it a peer? Is it a female co-worker? There are a few factors to consider. I personally select the "assertive" method. I try to find some truth in whatever they are saying to me. I validate their point of view as much as humanly possible. Then, I ask if there are any other concerns that they would like to share with me. If yes, I listen. Once they are done venting. I point out my point of view in a polite, non-hostile manner and things usually workout quite well. Keep in mind that you can't argue with angry people. Angry people are not in control. It is always best to be calm before you try to solve interpersonal misunderstandings.

Answer 4

I have an aunt, who is related to me by marriage, and she is very hard to deal with. She's just very aggressive and tends to cross the line about 5 times in one night. she can be very rude. she tries to tell me what to do...she's been doing this since I was little...I'm grown and can take care of myself now and she still does this... anyways, I try to breath and let it go...there's no reason to start a fight with the entire family there. i usually dont lose it infront of her but i get very tense and stop talking to her and i hardly make eye contact.Its usually short one word answers that i can manage. Why I do this... it seems to work best. no huge argument to ruin the evening for everyone, i can't manage any sentence. It just works

Answer 5

Definitely let the person know I don't think the behavior is appropriate in a diplomatic way-try to ascertain why they are acting that way and change my own behavior if it is part of the problem. In other words-stand up for yourself but never assume you are not also at fault!

Answer 6

It depends on the situation and my mood...I've been known to look someone in the eye and make it clear their behavior or words are inappropriate and won't be tolerated by me...

....other times I'll simply excuse myself from them, and may or may not let them know why...


What I don't do, is just suck it up and allow it...I don't care who they are, no one should treat another person disrespectfully....

Answer 7

If a co-worker should commit a disrespectful act to me, I will talk to her or him in a place where nobody can hear us, and confront her/him with the problem. I want to know why he did what he just did to me.

If it is my boss who will be rude to me, I probably will just think of quitting my job.

Answer 8

well when people cross the line with me i onfront them and ask them if they had a problem with me, and if they did then i would try to work it out with them. If that didnt work and they kept it up I would go to my boss and explain to them what is going on and ask to be moved to a different department and if that didnt work and they still kept it up i would catch them after work and beat the crap outta them and then i would quit and find another job.

Answer 9

Story of my life. I just clam up and move away. The best way to win an argument is to avoid it.
A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.

Answer 10

confront them directly and leave judgment statements out of the conversation so that they will continue listening to what you have to say