Okay, here's the thing- There's a guy who is really sweet, and really nice and all, and he fauns over me. He's one of the only guys at school that thinks I'm beautiful how I am. (And I'm not a supermodel... or popular.) He does a lot of things I like, too. What's the problem?
I don't want to get into a relationship with a guy yet. I'm young and restless. But every night he haunts me, seeming to ask why I don't like him, and why I haven't asked him out yet. I also don't like how immature he is, and how lazy and his lack of effort. He's also quite overweight (I say so at risk of sounding shallow), and I know he could lose a few pounds.
I've been even plotting with my gal pals to give him a makeover. We're desperate. I don't want to leave him high and dry, nor do I want someone I won't be happy with.
I'm torn in two. What should I do?
2006-08-07 16:10:01 · 13 answers · asked by Leafy 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Do you want to be in a relationship with him? You talk about his physical appearance and giving him a makeover. You are either going to have to like him as he is...or give him an AFFIRMATIVE no. The sooner the better. You said he's the only guy at school that thinks you're beautiful. Maybe you like the attention that he is giving to you? Is that why you don't know what to say to him? Once you tell him NO he could just go off and find someone else to admire. Is that what you are afraid of? It's obvious you are not physically attracted to him and you don't want a relationship.
I think it would be very mature of YOU to tell him that you are NOT interested (do not use the stupid lines of "I'm not ready yet" or "I don't want a relationship" or "It's me, not you"). Just tell him you will only think of him as a FRIEND and NO you do not want to be with him. By being concise, forceful and not dragging it out longer than it has to...you will save your friendship and his feelings and your anguish. The longer you wait to put your foot down the longer he will have hope that you will be together.
No matter which way you tell him...it is going to hurt him. It is like if your boss is going to fire you...would you like it if he took you out to a nice restaurant to do it or if he just told you point blank? The outcome is still the same. You're fired. The outcome is still the same for him...you don't like him, he will get over it and life will go on. It is part of growing up I'm afraid!!
Good luck and be honest!!
2006-08-07 16:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by Jenny Girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, why does he expect you to ask him out? That's dumb, guys should ask girls out! ("and why I haven't asked him out yet")
Tell him also that you have always wanted a certain type of guy for a "dream guy", and he's not your type. Tell you really like him as a friend, but that him being hung up on you is not good for him or you.
If you think he could lose weight and get a makeover and start acting more mature to become more attractive to you, maybe you should tell him that, too. Even if he feels a little hurt, at least he would learn something from it, that would give him better chances with you (and other girls) in the future.
2006-08-07 16:56:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him, dont be with someone more especially if you dont feel the same way he does, you'll just hurt him, just say i want to be friends only and keep it like that, when enough time passes he will be over you and understand, if he keeps bothering you then eventually tell him you have a bf and then he should leave you alone, its ok if you dont want a relationship with him so dont feel guilty, you seem to already see some of his attributes and honestly if you cant picture being with him 5 yrs from now then dont waste time anymore, it sounds like ur in high school and probably arent even considering marrying anyone but if you cant picture yourself happy with him in the future, then going out with him is a waste of time, just play it off like you're busy with your friends, or no time for a relationship, only time for friends that way you're rejecting him in a polite way, he will and should eventually give up
2006-08-07 16:19:21 · answer #3 · answered by Butter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, my daughter just had a similar experience
you said it yourself, you are not interested in getting into a relationship yet....tell him so
soften the blow by telling him that is it not personal, you don't want a relationship with any guy right now, and although you appreciate how persistent he is, it is starting to make you uncomfortable...if he has half a brain in his head he should get the hint after that
on the makeover note, scrap that plan, that could backfire plus it might seem cruel and you don't want to hurt the guys feelings
2006-08-07 16:17:50 · answer #4 · answered by Willow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-08-28 11:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you don't have to be with him out of pity. (: You sound like a sweet girl, and shouldn't have to be put through that. Try to let him down softly, and don't punish yourself! It's not your fault that you are wanted. You should just tell him no, you don't like him, and you would like to be friends if that's possible. Good luck!
2006-08-07 16:16:17 · answer #6 · answered by romaniboheme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly you should go for looks. If he makes you happy isnt that all that matters. You would seem shallow over the little things
2006-08-07 16:16:02 · answer #7 · answered by newpastorofgod 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel. But you shouldn't put his feelings in front of yours when you don't have any feelings for him. Just explain to him that you just want to be friends, and thats it. I completely understand what you're going through, and i learned that you just have to tell them like it is. You don't want to play nice and then have him ask you out, and you feel pressured to say yes.
2006-08-07 16:14:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'dd at least give him a chance I mean he might turn out to be what u have been looking for all along. So Give him a chance and if u don't feel it then don't go for it.
2006-08-07 16:14:14 · answer #9 · answered by Blake 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
plz don't listen to me if you re scared or don't know how because I'm single and boy friend less but hears what you can do
wright a letter
tell him how you feel
ask you re friend to set you to up
become a secret admirer give him a gift
compliment him
look at him look away see if he dose do it again
Just don't lie
2006-08-07 16:21:59 · answer #10 · answered by fl_ak_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋