Need sexual relationship advice. Serious answers only.?

Question

My significant other and I have been together for 10 years. He is still the light of my life and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. With in the last year, our sex life has diminished. We just can not seem to get in sync. When he wants it, I don't and vice versa. When we try to get into it, we have like five minutes of foreplay and then one of us fizzles out. It has gotten to the point where he knows how to get me off and I know how to get him off and we do the robotic moves to get it over with. I used to love sex with him before and now, I dream of the days when we used to be so into each other and go for hours. Now it is a 10-20 min deal once every two weeks. I still crave it more. How can we get in the mood and stay in it to the end?

Answer 1

My guess is that after 10 years, you know each other's body as well as you know your own. It's difficult to feel that same level of sexual intensity thoughout a long relationship. If you've done for nine years, I stand up and salute you. You two are awesome together!

My suggestion is to work on the friendship, the romance, and the caring and the lovemaking will get better. In other words, I'm trying to say that if you feel closer to each other, you're lovemaking will get better.

So, set aside some time each week to talk. Plan your future. Plan a vacation. Spend a weekend at a spa. Figure out what happens in your lives over the next five years. Get him to plan a day just for you. You plan a day just for him. Open a bottle of wine and take a long bath together. Talk openly about the good things in your relationship and the bad things.

As you feel closer, I think the lovemaking will get better.

If you want to work on the lovemaking in the meantime, then you might try scheduling, yes scheduling, seductions. Take turns, each week, seducing each other. Thing of some things you've never done together or done very rarely and set up a nice little seduction. You should take the first one so that he will have an idea of what's expected.

Good Luck to you!

Answer 2

This happens, and sexual passion waxes and wanes throughout the course of most long-term relationships. My husband of 8 years and I have periods of high passion and periods where we're so busy, preoccupied, stressed, or even ... yes ... bored with each other that sex becomes an effort rather than a pleasure. We were like rabbits in the beginning, and most new couples are. Sex gets predictable, and it doesn't mean that either of you are doing anything wrong.

Surprise him ... no calendar, no schedule. Think of something you've never done before, and spring it on him when you think he might be receptive. "If it's not new, it's through". It may be up to you to make the conscious effort to put that fire and spark back into the relationship.

i know that twice a month seems like nothing, but talk to many couples who've been together for 10 years and have fallen into the rut and see how often THEY'RE having sex. And do be grateful that you both still get off ... some couples never even get to that point, at least the women.

Answer 3

I can completely understand what you are saying! My husband and I used to be the same way, in the sense that we would be so in to each other that we would go on for hours and not even realize how long it had been! We are having the same problem right now and believe me I feel your pain! I know what it is like to be craving that affection and loving from your husband!
This is all that I can tell you, cause we still have not fixed our situation! But maybe this will help: Try to put some fun back into your relationship, which I know can be easier said than done, especially if you both have demanding jobs or you have kids! If you can, go out at least once a month , for dinner, a movie, things that you used to do together and enjoy doing together!
Also you can try flirting with each other like when you were dating, send each other e-mails and love note, cards, etc. for no reason at all, just to say I love you! They can even be a little provocative like, I want you to touch me (fill in the blanks), or I love it when you do(fill in the blanks).Try to put some of the passion back into your marriage such as cuddling on the couch, taking a shower together and things that you enjoy where you have physical contact! And most of all continue to communicate, that is the key to a happy and long lasting marriage!
And please never forget to tell each other how much you love and appreciate each other, in our busy lives we sometimes forget the simple things can make a world of difference!
Hope this might help you! Good luck and God bless!

Answer 4

Depends on him as well. If he is open minded, when he has some free time, tell him to write down or email you a fantasy of his he has always liked to do with you. And you respond the same way back to him. Dont be upset with anything he says, because that could push him more away. And you be truthful in your answer as well. That is one way.
Also, you can go out and get some books of new positions or even an DVD. The point I am trying to make is that you two need some spice to get out of your two's 10 year rut. Told my best friends dad who was having a similar problem to have sex in a public place at night, like the bleachers at a local ball park or something. That worked for them. They now only have sex in public venues.
As you can see by my response, there are many ways for different people to change the direction life has brought them. It is up to you two to choose which way to go or keep moving on, on the same course.
Hope this helps.

Answer 5

You can try setting the mood with music and candles. Spice things up by visiting a local sex shop and try something different. Spend a romantic evening together to have the mindset before foreplay. A change of scenery could help too. Make reservations one weekend for a romantic getaway at the sybaris or a nice hotel.

Answer 6

i agree with change!
My hubby and I have been together 12 years.
we have had "dry" spells, but a little sizzle and change of scene heats us back up.
Also, we spend a few days apart when we can, so we have a chace to miss each other.
When was the last time you acted a little different to get out of the rut?
Move the bed to another part of your bedroom, and change the bedding (it will feel different)
Woo him. treat him like you don't have him yet, and you are trying to get him to notice you.
Most couples have "dry" phases...this will pass with time and effort.
Love him and love life, and keep your chin up!
***I just took a look at your other questions...noticed there were some pregnancy questions a few months back... If YOU are pregnant, this could be the reason for the stagnant state of your love affair. Hormones, and exhaustion, and many many other pregnancy blessings will knock your drive into the dirt! Not to mention the change in attitude about your body that your man may be feeling. Talk openly! get the truth out***

Answer 7

Try romance. Nice dinner candles and time alone with no kids if you have any. Nice hot bath with each other. My man and I been married 12 years and sex is better then ever we talk about what we want and we can do for each other. Just a few month ago we got toys and some oils at the adult store that has help us you should try it. Hope everything works out for you and your man talking is the key use it

Answer 8

Is it really about the sex, or is something else going on in your head (or his)? Big changes in sex life are often linked to new/different stressors. How's your/his job? Any kids? Finances?

If everything else in your life is pretty much the same, then it's boredom. Treat the boredom, rather than the symptom, which is your diminished interest. Do fun things outside of the bedroom, play together. Having fun together is the best way to feel sexy towards each other. Good luck.

Answer 9

Maybe talk about it, seek advice from a sex counselor or marriage therapist. Go to a adult book store together, and buy some toys! try watching porn together, try making your own porn! slip sexy little letters in his pockets for him to find during the day. Get some new sexy clothes, PJs! Turn the TV off and actually spend time together. instead of eating at home fix a pinic basket and go to a nice quiet area and watch the sunset and have a pinic. There are many ways. Also, try new sex postions! There are so many these days. Try role playing, The Best of Luck!

Answer 10

Take a romantic getaway, just the 2 of you, to some secluded place or couple only place. Feel the romance again. Think about how you guys fell in love 10 years ago. Sounds like there's a lot of love and passion in the relationship, and maybe things just started to get routine.