are all guys the same or does mine have a problem?

Question

i've been dating my bf for 2 1/2 years and i've been living with him for 2 years.at first we had sex every day then every other day then twice a week and now it's like once a month i hate it cuz i want more but he's always tired or something. and he use to be sweeter before and now he says he doesn't need to try to impress me cuz he already has me so i tell him i'm gonna leave him if he doesn't start being nicer and he changes for a while and goes back to being the same. i hate it cuz i really like him and every time i try to leave he convinces me of staying. he says it should be enough that he's always with me and doesn't go out with his friends and doesn't have any bad habbits. and another thing that pisses me off is that everytime i tell him something he doesn't listen but if his brother or mom or other family member tells him something he does it right away.
does he still care or what ? please help

Answer 1

I know that not all guys are the same. When I was with my ex husband, he wanted sex pretty much daily, if not several times a day, even after us being together for 20 years! But, part of that is that he is a sex addict. My fiance, tho, wants sex about every other day (when he isn't working his super long days/hours during the summer--2 to 3 months of working 7 days a week, 12-16 hours a day).

Most marriages/relationships go thru this where the sex drive of one or both partners does decrease, but not usually until they have been married for quite a few years. I do know, tho, that when a guy knows that he no longer has to impress you because he knows he has you for good, then he will stop doing all of the nice things to/for you. Guys typically figure 'why impress now when I already have her' Guys have to usually be told, or learn, that women want to be impressed for the rest of their lives, even if in a relationship/marriage for many years.

As for your guy not listening, this is typical. My fiance will listen to me and will, eventually do what I have asked him to do--as long as he remembers. But, I know that he works such super long days/hours so I don't ask him to do much. I am home so I can do pretty much everything. He will also do things for others (his mom, sister, brother, etc) faster than he does for me. That's ok. I encourage him to do things for others, especially his mom as she is in her 70s.

How about, when neither of you are stressed or tired and you two are just relaxing, you have a talk with him. Listening is a two way street. You need to listen to, not just hear, what he has to say as to 'why' he is being the way he is being. He, in turn, needs to listen to you. Maybe letting him know that you want to try something with him--a listening exercise. One of you says something while the other one listens. After saying something for say 3-5 minutes, without the listener saying anything to interrupt or watch TV or anything else--just focusing on the talker, the listener then says back to the talker what he/she thinks/perceives what the talker was saying in his or her own words. If it is correct, then the talker tells the listener so. If not, then the talker tries to say it in a different way and this goes on until the listener understands what the talker is saying. Then, once the listener understands what the talker has to say, the roles change. The talker becomes the listener, the listener becomes the talker.

If this exercise doesn't work after a few times (it takes quite a bit to learn how to listen effectively in this manner), then it might be a good idea to see a couples counselor. I can tell you, tho, that a counselor will probably have you two do the same exercise that I just described to you.

As for the sex once a month, you might want to find out if your guy is depressed or if he is taking some medication for something. Many meds will cause a lower sex drive (especially antidepressants). If it's not antidepressants or other meds or any other medical reason, then he may want to see a doctor to be sure that nothing is wrong. If that isn't it, and he doesn't want to listen to you or please you in and out of bed more often, etc, then you just might want to rethink the relationship and decide if this is really the guy for you. If not, then please don't stay in a miserable relationship. It isn't worth it to wait for years and years for a guy to change (no one can or will change unless they want to). It is better, if nothing else works, to leave and move on. It is hard to do (believe me, I had to do it after that 20 year long relationship), but it is worth it for your own happiness.

Answer 2

How old are you and him would have help. But if both of you are below 30, then it is too early for him to lose sex drive. A doctor could find out if you can convince him and you accompany him. Sex could last up to 50 years, if you get together at an earlier age, say below 20 or early 20. As for the listening, do some reverse psychology on him. Don't talk to him, just listen to him when he talk. dont answer or pretend no to be listening. Give him his own dose, it might work, but since you are not married to each other, be on the look out, he may have some extra curricular activities,, heheheehe.

Answer 3

If he's only having sex with you once a month, you'd better believe he's getting it somewhere else.

The problem is, you gave yourself to someone who didn't really want you, he just wanted what you had to offer. A man who really wanted you would marry you, not be telling you he doesn't have to impress you anymore.

Move out, get on with your life.