I made a story already. Go 2 my profile and read it. FOr those of you who did. Chapter 2.
Later at the lunch hall: " Hey,Hinata!! Over hear" Kiba yells across the room to her. "Oh....okay..." She says and walks over...though she wanted to sit with Naruto today. " Hey,um....didja ask anyobdy to the dance yet?" Kiba asks Hinata "No....but I heard that Temari asked Abumi....cause she wanted to be the 1st one to have a date. " Hahaha!" Kiba laughed. "A-and Tsuchi got asked by Kankuro...""Woah,weird. Tehy dont even know eachother....They are makin me look bad! I gotta sk somebody before all the hot girls get aksed!" Hinata giggled at how silly Kiba was being.
"H-h-hey N-Neji....um......can I ask you a question?" TenTen stammered. " Okay." Neji says confused. " Wanna go to the dance with me?!?" she quickly blurts out. " What!??! Oh.uh...........sure......" Neji says freaked out a bit. "Hey! I should ask Sakura my love!" Lee says and runs to Sakura.....
To be continued. Comments!!!!!!
2006-08-07 14:59:10 · 11 answers · asked by Rikku 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Comics & Animation
tick tock tick tock tick tock Time goes by...so slwoly
2006-08-07 15:13:50 · update #1
THAts soo cool i want more!tick tock tic tock time goes by so slowly(gwen stefani)LOl!MOre!
2006-08-07 16:07:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that everyone is so out of character is funny but sometimes it is confusing with the dialog but I just think it's because you didn't space between them. I suggest you post it up in fanfiction.net or some other fanfiction websites so you can get more detailed comments and reviews.
2006-08-07 17:23:27 · answer #2 · answered by Lady_Wolfwood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a dance @ the academy?.......DONT GO THERE! hahahahah dont turn it into an american thing! just dont. it sounds like its gonna turn romantic which naruto isnt really about. add ACTION and FIGHTING but pictures/drawings speak out more than a script. take out a paper and start sketching
2016-03-27 03:04:12 · answer #3 · answered by Geraldine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your story could be improved if you fix your spelling and punctuation errors.
Try putting spaces between dialogues, because when it's jumbled up like that, it's too confusing to read.
2006-08-11 20:38:57 · answer #4 · answered by Infinite Inficio 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it has some Spelling and Punctuation problems, but other than that ist good. Hey, are you a author on fanfiction.net?
2006-08-08 11:07:37 · answer #5 · answered by Echo♠ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
send it in to japan or at least the writers in the US. see what happens.
2006-08-07 15:45:04 · answer #6 · answered by Mango 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely keep writing...save the stuff...it's very interesting....
2006-08-08 01:45:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty spiffy stuff:D
Keep writing^_^
2006-08-07 15:16:41 · answer #8 · answered by smilenbspecial 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
killer awesome canada says awsome
2006-08-09 05:30:24 · answer #9 · answered by Leo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, its cool.
2006-08-08 05:36:23 · answer #10 · answered by Sumara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋