Who Won -- Me or "Her"?

Question

Ok. I have a serial cheater of a boyfriend. We have two children together, he has cheated on me for 4 of the 8 years we have been together with different women. We split for 6 months, during this time I found out he was seeing this girl. I can admit tha she is a really nice girl actually and he had (has) feelings for her. They would do stuff for each other and talk on the phone for hours.

Even after he begged and pleaded for me to come back home, he continued to talk to her (for hours) on the phone. I put a stop to it.

My question is, WHO WON, me or her?

She is 8 years younger than me, she's very attractive :(
a nice person, has a good job, and her own place, and she has no children so she has lots of freedom.

But I on the other hand, have the man. We live together with our 2 kids. But sometimes I wonder if she doesnt have it better. She doesn't have the constant stress of living with a man that she cant trust, but she DOESNT have him.

Who has it better, me or her?

Answer 1

*WARNING* You may not like what I am about to post but I must share my opinion because you asked. Not trying to be harsh but just sharing my opinion.

This shouldn't be about "who won". You indicated that you have a "serial cheater of a boyfriend" so why are you still with him? Do you feel you MUST be with him for the children? Do you feel noone else would want a relationship with you? Do you have low-self esteem and feel you have to depend on this man? Ask yourself these questions to figure out the reason you need to be a man that run from woman to woman. There's too many diseases out here for all of that running back and forth and I suggest you gain some confidence and stop comparing yourself to another woman.

*WARNING 2*

Who has it better you ask? She does. She does not have to put up with his cheating ways, she doesn't have children with him and just by reading what you wrote about her, she is very independent and don't need a man to rely on or to define who she is. By no means am I putting you down but I hate to see women who needs a man to define who they are and would put up with anything just to say "I got a man". No need for that. You deserve respect and your children deserves respect as well.

*WARNING 3*

More questions for you. Why do you feel this is a competition? Are you intimidated by her because of what she has? And I must ask again, WHY are you putting up with this dude's cheating ways? You need a man who there physically, mentally, financially and emotionally. You shouldn't have to worry about this other woman and what she has. If this man can't be a one woman's man then you don't need him. What kind of role is he setting for his children when he runs in and out of your life? What is this teaching your children? Demand respect from him and if he doesn't give it (respect) than you need to move on. If you don't handle this, the pattern will continue and you will forever be comparing yourself to his "other woman".

Answer 2

Well I am not going to say that she won, because as a mother of two kids I know how complicated things can get once you have children with a man. When you are single and free you don't think about things as deeply. As women we say what we won't take from a man, and then when we get into a serious loving relationship and that bond comes along, one between a mother and father, you will find yourself taking things that you never thought you would. Your boyfriend is a bastard for what he did to you, but if he can change and really begin to earn your trust and not cheat on you then maybe you can get some peace of mind. I know it hurts girl, and it's hard, but you are doing right by taking into consideration your kid's feelings as well. Life is tough sometimes, and these emotions are very real. While you want your family to stay together, you don't want to look like a fool either. I understand what you are saying, and just think about it like this: You got back with him to try and make the relationship work for the sake of saving your family. If your boyfriend isn't capable of being the man you need him to be, then you gotta do what you gotta do to be happy. If he is a good father, he can still be one from a distance to your children. Just keep in mind that you are still valuable even though you have kids, so stop comparing yourself to that other girl. If you are worried about the bond that they established in their relationship then just remember, hell there could be somebody out there that you can bond with like that too. Keep ya' head up girl and be confident, because life is hard enough.

Answer 3

Sorry, but i dont think either of u are the winner, she may be nice ect.. but she's scum for being a wedge in a relationship that has children u already live as husband and wife even with out the paper.. so she is the misteress and she knew full well that he had a family.. so she may be all that on the outside but very ugly on the inside, and little respect for relationships , other women and herself..

You lose because well basically what is your trophy? A two bit loser that will hurt u over and over again cheating on u constantly just to have u forgive him so he can keep doing it to u??? Wow what a prize.. NOT.. u lose because u lost self respect in yourself, ur enabling him to cheat on u , knowing that u'll take him back, that u'll put up with his BS and he'll just do it again, which in turn is teaching ur 2 children that its ok for men to do this to their wives and wives should just take it.. he is emotionally abusing u and ur letting him..

So what if shes attractive, nice person , good job , her own place, wheres your self worth???? i didnt hear u say anything positive about yourself.. and u seem to think the only reason he comes back to u is because your had his child.. wow what a way to live..

Its one thing to work on your relationship and try to mend the mistakes of the past, but if he is constantly doing this to u, then u've become nothing but the martyr that loves to dwell in the , "look what he's doing to me now" instead of being a woman who not only does whats best for her but best for her family..

Answer 4

Actually, there is no winning situation here because each of you are getting what you all want. You are with him, but she is still getting it from him. You will never find happiness in that. I know you probably hear this all the time and you probably don't want to hear it but "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" He think he can have his cake and eat it too, and he will continue to "eat" it. I say you should ditch him and let him go meet her since he wants her so bad. If you do stay with him, don't expect to be happy. You can do bad all by yourself! Don't allow him to do that stuff to you. You say he talks with her on the phone for hours and you know this? Don't let him do that to you because all that will do is make you hurt, make your self esteem go all the way down and your outlook on men will change; you will be scared to love again. I have 3 solutions: 1) Ditch his sorry @ss 2) Put him on child support 3) Be there for your kids and don't ever let them see you down or hurt (no crying especially) and do everything in your power to ensure they live a happy life even though daddy may not be there. Either way it goes, YOU will come out on top if you follow these 3 solutions.

Answer 5

You ask two different questions here.
1) WHO WON, me or her?
2) Who has it better, me or her?

The answer is obvious to you if you read your own writing...he is a serial cheater.
If she has all you claim looks, job, place but still wants a man that chose another over her then she is a loser...claim yourself a winner of the cheater.
Are either of you better? You live the cheating daily...she does too, knowing that he is with you. I'd say you both are running 50-50 on that.
I'd get out of the relationship before the children get old enough to know what is happening in the house with a cheating father and an over stressed mom. Life's too short and there is enough troubles in our lives without having to deal with those problems, Besides, if he is cheating on you please use precaution in the bedroom with all the diseases out there today,

Answer 6

<> And this man has a history of cheating on you and leaving you with children to support...She on the other hand is free, can come and go as she pleases isn't putting up with a man who cheats on her and can enjoy being single without kids. She doesn't have to worry if her man is going to be home at night or if he's out boinking someone else. She doesn't have to wonder how she's going to maintain a roof over her kid's heads and food in their bellies without having to rely on the taxpayer to do so. She doesn't have to worry if the chick he boinked before he came back had a disease that she gave to him, which you no doubt would get. She has no worries...what do you have?

Answer 7

Sweety if he is a serial cheater why are you still with him?? Your relationship with him is nothing if you can't trust him!! You might as well let her have him so that she can find out for herself that he is a serial cheater, and you have to remember honey once a cheater always a cheater!! He will never stop cheating and you deserve much better you might as well just let him go!

Answer 8

tro be honest neither of you have it better or won, becuase they man yall are describing is disgusting and gross, and yall have to live with that, and you must have serious problems to still be with a man that cheated 4 times out of 8 Are you crazy.... how are yall raising yall children under and infedile roof, that is horrible and for you to come on here and think about who has won is absoulty crazy to me for that all 3 of yall should find something better to do with yall lives, i mean how can you come on here ask a sincerne question and then want to know who has one and who has what, ok she dont have your kids that a plus in your corner, but yall both want the same that is a cheater, and why, he has nothing more to give either one of you because he has already given it to world already. Women in your area must be despoerate to be with him, and of course he likes it becuase he has his cake and eats it to, what is up with that, good luck to yall

Answer 9

Neither of you. Aren't you afraid of any diseases he might be bringing home to you? I recently got out of a ten year marriage to a controlling man who cheated on me once that I know of. I have three kids with him. It was hard to leave because I thought I'd be alone because no one would want me with three kids. Now only a year later I'm with a man that is wonderful, sexier and a better father to my kids. Drop him, let her have him, then consider yourself the winner!

Answer 10

she won, you saved her from a man that will eventualy cheat on ther like he does you. you lost cause now your stuck with a guy that is no good for you, you know he is a cheater, and always will be, i would think that it would be more important to you to make sure that he stays in your kids life , but not to the point to where you are with him and he is setting a bad example for the kids, letting them know that its ok to do what he is doing. i would drop him and let him see the kids but find a man for you that is worth your time and love. good luck.