My 18 yo hsgrad son only works 17 hrs/wk - doesnt have his license yet - doesnt help at home & overspends HELP

Question

My son and I have a loving relationship, but he takes advantage of my good nature. He "forgets" to do what I ask - runs around all the time - and doesn't contribute to our household (either monetarily or with chores). I don't mind the money part...but it is annoying to have to beg for him to help me out. I made a chore list for him and his 15 year old brother and he only follows the part he wants to. I want to help him out by paying for the first year of his community college and letting him drive the extra car...but he is so lazy about everything that I am resentful about doing these things for him now. I threatened to kick him out tonight and actually meant it. I am sad and unsure what to do next. I am a young mom - 36 - so any advice from older parents who have successfully raised a productive member of society is welcomed! I love my son very much and care deeply for him and his future, but cannot go on like this much longer before we split forever. :o(

DISCLAIMER: He hasn't driven the car yet...I *want* to give it to him when he gets his license. ;o)

Answer 1

I watched dr. phil the other day. And it was about son's and daughters being mooches. They lived with mom and dad and did nothing and got what they wanted. Dr. phil said cut the cord, it stops there. He is old enough to get a part time job,save for his own running car, it don't have to be a fancy just to get him to work and school something he can say he earned. You have told him numerous times to help with the chores,and for college they have grants to help pay for college so u dont have to. why should you do a favor for someone who cant even help himself or the family. You have every right to be upset you feel used and unpreciated for what you have already done for him. But you have to draw a line. kids should know we are not here to be their best friends but a parent and if they dont like it, its change the way u act or do things or there is the door.

Answer 2

First of all. You said he doesnt have his license yet you let him drive the extra car. Not safe or legal. This doesnt sound like a loving relationship it sounds very one-sided. Hes walking all over you and you need to put a stop to it before your 15 yo does the same! Glad you threatened to kick him out but don't just make threats. Give him a week to grow up or hes on the streets. Hes a grown man and shouldn't be treated like a little boy. If you dont put your foot down now you never will.

Answer 3

Why is this person still in your house? He obviously hasn't been taught respect of his parents, his home; and he obviously hasn't been taught any kind of work ethic. So, are you wanting a parasite or are you wanting to teach him----now that he's too old to teach-----how to be a decent human being?

Where were you in the "teaching" department when he was 5, 6, 7 , 8, 9, 10----the ages he needed to learn these lessons? I guess now he's going to have to learn the hard way what you should have been teaching him throughout his life. This is not all of his fault, you know? You have some culpability in this.

If he's 18 and he's behaving like that, show him the door; change the locks, and tell him "Good Luck Living Like You Want To Live."

Answer 4

OK now I'm a new mom. Just 21 with a 2 year old but I know what my mom would say because he sounds just like me! She would say to stand your ground and kick him out. Yes it will hurt your heart but you have to do what you gotta do and be strong. Hell he might even be mad at you that his free-ride is over. But you deserve respect and you should make him give it. Besides one day you're not going to be there and he's going to have to learn to grow up. And don't worry about him being made at you, you're mom, he wont stay mad forever. Again I know from personal experience. He wont do anything for himself unless he really has to. Make a stand and stop being a door mat. You don't deserve that. Good luck.

Answer 5

Tell him if he doesn't want to help out around the house then you are going to take the car privileges away as well as any extra cash that you give him. Tell him you don't mind helping him but he must help you. Don't budge either. He needs to learn and with you bailing him out all the time he learns nothing. Its a hard job to be a parent but it is a harder one to guide them in the right directions. Good luck.

Answer 6

Do you watch Dr. Phil? He gets that kind of question a lot. If he doesn't help out, make him go. The college is paid for? He's lucky he has that. Hope he can find a way to class. Don't let him use you. He'll be a baby forever. Of course, you love him. It's called tough love.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

You don't necessarily have to kick him out of the house, but take away some of his privileges. For instance if he doesn't do his chores, don't let him use the extra car (except for work). If you let him get away with everything, he's just going to keep pushing you further and further and doing less and less becasue you let him get away with it.

Answer 9

give him some tough love and boot his *** out. you dont owe him anything and he is old enough to support himself or help support himself and he should be doing so at his age.

give him a time limit to get a job and help out and if he doesnt kick him to the curb, if he HAS to support himself i am sure he will figure out how to. DONT feel sorry for him because he is playing off of your feelings.

BE TOUGH

Answer 10

Time to give him a deadline to move out. He will need to increase his work hours and find a way to support himself. I saw this great quote the other day, "Don't make things easy for your child, because you will handicap them". Make him grow up, because he's not showing any initiative.