Should I come out at work or not?

Question

I have been "toying" with the idea of coming out at work. I work in a "very" rough / tough contractor world, for the most part "gays" are NOT accepted very well in this environment. Not to mention I work off of commision sales, I'm "assuming" that it "could" afffect my wallet if things don't go very well. I wouldn't even consider it but I have the utmost respect for my coworkers and I'm tired of having to "cover my tracks", "tell white lies" about the "real" me...Thoughts, ideas, suggestions?

Answer 1

Why come out I would not hide it if you don't want to but in that environment you would probably gain more respect by not hiding it but not putting it in their faces. A guy will not be threatened by your orientation if you are not making a big deal about it. Coming out makes a big deal about it. I would just start being honest. Act as though it is no big deal and then you will see that it truly is no big deal. You don't have to call your boyfriend your boyfriend just say he is your friend or your room mate. I am not saying you have to be ashamed of him but why label him if you don't have to. People have a tendency to create their own drama. Let me put it into perspective for you. My in-laws do not drink they have religious convictions against it. I have a wine rack in my kitchen in which I keep wines that I cook with. I also have alcohol in decanters on the bar in my home. I do not move them when they come to visit I leave them in plain sight. I do not serve wine at a meal that I might normally serve wine with or that I would serve wine with if I was entertaining my own parents with. It doesn't mean that I am ashamed that I drink wine just becuase I choose not to serve or drink wine when my in-laws visit but I know thier convictions and out of respect for them I choose not to. I also do not hide it from them.

Answer 2

You should not come out at work if you feel that it will affect your paycheck. When you punch a time clock, you are putting on a disguise for your employer. That disguise is a hard worker who tries to increase profits for the company. Your co workers also fit that exact same description. There must be some common ground for everyone to get along. That common ground is to simply not join in on conversations involving relationships, religous debate, or political stance.

That being said, I myself have come out to some people at work, but only to those who have asked. The first thing I do suggest you do is make sure that "sexual orientation" is defined in your state's law or in your union as a protected status. Employees and employers are not allowed to give you a hard time (harass) about it. If they do, the company can face a law suit and be fined.

If you do choose to come out then just do it slowly. Tell one coworker that is not very popular. That way, the word will travel slowly and give you time to adjust. When someone askes you about it, simply just say, "Yeah" nonchalantly and change the subject. Not because you are ashamed or whatever, but it makes it very hard for the coworker to ask you again or to bring up any further discussion which could easily turn negative. If you do manage to get into a conversation about it, you should be the one steering the conversation the way you want it. People, even construction workers, talk trash but don't really mean what they say. They are just trying to look tough in front of their friends. Knowing that there is a gay guy among them will supress the negative comments. Be sure you have their respect and be confident and secure.

Answer 3

that's a tough call! If you already know that, for the most part, gays are not accepted very well in your work environment, then I would say no. not unless you have an idea that some of your coworkers are actually accepting. I fortunately work in a very diverse office. there are 2 other gay coworkers (used to be 4 other!), as well as racially mixed, white, hispanic, black and asian. probably the 1st time I ever felt totally comfortable being myself. I didn't "come out" at this office until I had a pretty good idea that most everyone was accepting.

Answer 4

Why? To what purpose would it serve? Do you ask for details of your co-workers sex life? Do you plan on staging a Gay Pride day of your own? Are you tired of your job? There are other ways to handle discrimination and Gay Bashing at work...as an "insider." When "jokes" are made at Gay's expense, state right then and there....not funny because it is at other's expense. People get the idea very quickly that what they are doing is NOT accepted by everyone. IF you let them know you are Gay, your pouring water on their parade will not be nearly as effective. !! The "Real You" 's sexuality should not be a part of your work. IN fact, I am not so sure it should have anything to do with your work. But it is your life, you do what you feel is best for you..I just cannot see how this furthers you as either an employee or as a person. Just me, I suppose.

Answer 5

I don't see a need.

Do you just want to make the other people at work uncomfortable?
Do you feel some strange need to be a professional victim?
Are you a Drama Queen?

Why do your coworkers need to know this information? You don't need to know that Joe the bricklayer likes bondage, that Stan the plumber has a thing for midgets, or sally the receptionist has a thing for her rottweiler. Personal lives stay personal, don't bring it up, don't shove it in others faces, don't be a drama queen.

Just like I don't like religious people shoving thier religion in my face, I don't like homosexuals rubbing my nose in thier business either.

No real need to tell lies, but no reason to jump out of a cake with a banner around your chest saying "I'm Gay!"

Answer 6

I hate answering a question with a question, but..... What is it you think you will accomplish by coming out at work, especially if it could very well effect your physical and financial well-being?

Personally, I do not find it necessary for people at work to know about my sexual preference. I happen to work in a very 'gay friendly' industry and know many there that are very open about their sexuality. I do not see that who I have prefer to have sex with effect hows I do my job or the professional relationships at work. At the same time, I will not lie about being gay either. A few people do know, because they either figured it out or have asked. But in general, most do not know, and have no need to know. I am not advocating 'staying in the closet', but at the same time I do not find it necessary to fly the rainbow flag to everyone either.

Answer 7

As always, I say consider the possible consequences and weigh your options. Am I better off as it is, or by coming out. Then make a plan and stick with it.

Check out the coming out resources at the Human Rights Campaign, maybe they'll give you some idea.

Answer 8

You know I been in the closet so deep all my life I'm part of the dust Bunny's LOL But if I had to do it all over again I think I come out but that's how I feel and I really don't want to give you any advice on it but I do share your feelings and wish you the best on what ever you decide.

Answer 9

That's a tricky question. I can understand the desire to be honest with your colleagues. It can be an uncomfortable position, but is it really any of their business? If there is no need to share it, why share it? It's not a matter of hiding. Perhaps it is a matter of waiting until it is a more appropriate time.

Answer 10

i know that most people will probably say... be yourself and come out but i'm going to tell you a more realistic answer

if you already know that your work environment is probably not tolerable of gays, i wouldn't come out

you don't want to feel any sort of awkwardness and you wouldn't want managers to change their behavior towards you

for me, i felt that it wasn't any of their business and just never really spoke about my personal love life...you don't see them coming out and telling everyone that they're straight

whatever you decide, just be sure that you're prepared to handle whatever gets thrown at you