Whats the best joke you know?

Question

make me laugh!

I know this should be in jokes, but it was already asked there, and i want some NEW answers...

Answer 1

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit."

or

Two horses were walking back to the paddock after a days training.

One says to the other 'I can't understand why we are so slow, we come from good stock, we have the best of food, great trainers, and yet we come last in every race.'

There was a dog running along side them who overheard and said 'I know what your problem is. I have seen you race and it looks to me as if you race off at the start really fast and use up all your energy and then you have nothing left.

What you should do is pace yourselves and when all the other horses are knackered, put in a spurt and you're sure to win.

What do you think of that?'. said the dog.

The horses looked at one another and said
'WOW, a talking dog!'

Answer 2

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied. A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup" replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it.

"Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "YOU F*CK ING AS*HOLE....IT'S TEN PAST THREE IN THE MORNING!"

Answer 3

Two guys are playing golf and they are at the ninth hole when they see a funeral persision going by.The one guy takes off his hat places it over his heart,bows his head and says a little prayer,the other guy is amazed and says "That is the nicest thing I have ever seen"Then looking up and placing his hat back on his head the first guy replies"Well,I was married to her for twenty years"

Answer 4

a bum walks into a bar & asks the bartender for a plastic spoon. the bartender gives it to him, and the bum leaves. a couple minutes later another bum comes in & asks the bartender for a plastic spoon. he gives him one, and the 2nd bum leaves. a couple minutes later another bum comes in and asks the bartender for a straw. the bartender gives him a straw, and asks, "What are you guys doing with these things?" to which the bum replies, "somebody puked in your parking lot, and now all the chunks are gone!"

Answer 5

Ever watch a flock of geese fly over?Ever notice that one
of the arms in the"V"formation is longer?Know why???


Got more geese in it.

Answer 6

Why did the tomato turn red?





It saw the salad dressing!

Answer 7

i dont come cheep you know 10 dollars per joke

Answer 8

whats the differene between a cheerleader and bags of trash?
bags of trash get taken out mor often!

Answer 9

What kind of bees make milk?


Boo Bees

Answer 10

why did the boy throw the butter out the window?

to see the butter fly

ahh ahha hhaaa haaahhha hahahahha hha hHAHAHAHAHHahhaHAhHAHAhHhhHahhHhahHhahHAhhHahahHAhH ha... ha... ha...