Guys: can a guy be so nervous in bed or feel under pressure to please his girlfriend that he can't come?

Question

Has any guy out there ever had problems keeping it up/relaxing to enjoy/ coming when making love with serious girlfriend? My boyfriend of one year tries to avoid sex.. he makes jokes about it, but the truth is, he is obviously haveing problems keeping it hard during, and I can tell he is NOT relaxed, even just kissing. Have I made him more nervous by telling him that I need more sex, more romance, and that he is not normal? i didn't say it mean, but I did say it, because I am frustrated and feel like we cannot bond without making love.when we actually do it, it is a nervous time for both of us.so is that why he now basically avoids it? He s very affectionate, loves to cuddle.but now, no kisses, and no hard-ons.and even if he DOES get hard, he does not innitiate sex! I am getting mad... he acts like that is normal.. or is he just hiding his embarrassment? I know he does not like eye-contact in bed either, but the funny thing s, emotionally/mentally it gets better all the time. WTF

Answer 1

It seems like you have a good idea of the situation but just need some further insight in the intricacies of the male mind when it comes to sexual intercourse.
First, regardless of who says so, there has been at time in most guys life’s when they have had an episode where they couldn't engage in intercourse. The problem however can have multiple causes. First, it's called performance anxiety. This can occur, like you said, from expectations that you cannot please your partner. The anxiety of not being able to perform, perform well, or last can be a very crippling obstacle to overcome.
It's not that your boyfriend doesn’t want to, it’s the fear that something could happen (not be able to maintain reelection) or that he won't be able to get hard enough to have sex. This situation can be very devastating to a man's ego. You get stuck in a rut and it can be one of the most frustrating things a guy can ever encounter. That’s why you need to handle this situation very delicately. For there is hope, you just need to be patient.
It’s natural for you to get upset when you want to have sex, but he doesn’t seem like he wants to. However, by showing him that you’re upset, he will feel even worst that he isn't able to please you and continue to fall even deeper into this hole. His sexual confidence is gone and if you ever want to be intimate with him again you need to help rebuild what has be torn down.
So, to begin you need to talk about this. It dose nothing for either of you to act like it is not a problem. But you need to understand that he wants to get over this just as badly as you do. You need to work together to get rid of the pressure of performance. The mind is a very powerful thing and if he doesn’t get into the right mindset nothing will happen. If he feels like he's in the spotlight to perform, he won't be able to feel comfortable enough.
The key to better sex is the two of you feeling "connected" and in order for that to happen you have to BOTH be feeling the mood. But before you work on having better sex, you need to first have sex. My recommendation for you is to be very supportive of your guy and to either see an urologist or a family doctor. You might be asking why you need a doctor. Well, the doctor will probably proscribe, either Viagra or Levitra. Now your thinking why would we need those, I thought those were for old guys. But he's the reality. Using these will allow him to get an erection with little need for arrosement and maintain the erection long enough (usually longer) to fully have sex. This is very important for him. It will show him that he can have sex and that he can please you. His confidence in himself will start to come back. And after a few times, he will feel better about it. But it’s important that he doesn’t get dependant on it. So try alternating between using those and the next time not using one. But make sure he knows that there is no pressure if he's not able to do it. After a while he will be able to have sex without any aids and then you can begin working on the improvements.
This can take some time so be prepared to be patient with him. Just look at this as a test to see if the two of you can get through this. You can and will if you care about each other enough to do what is necessary.
By the way, if you tell him, when the time comes, that you want him to just make eye contact a few times, he will begin to see that it does improve things. Remember take baby step to get what you want. We all hate drastic change, but little change over time is manageable, and worth it.

Answer 2

I'd disagree with some of the answers that I've read already. There's definitely something at the root of the problem, but be careful how you bring up the subject. It sounds like you may have compounded the problem already. No man like to hear that he's not satisfying his woman. It does put incredible pressure on a man to perform, and the more pressure the less likely he's going to perform and it's a slippery slope after that.
You might want to see a professional to help you guys through this.

Answer 3

From what you have described there are some past sexual issues for your boyfriend. Has he ever been molested? He is showing signs that this may be the case and if not then perhaps he just doesnt have much sexual experience and needs more time. The lack of eye contact worries me, its as if he wants to stay disconnected during sex, not good. Lay off a bit and dont put any pressure on him to perform. Let him go at his own speed and when he feels comfortable it will happen and be better for the both of you.

Answer 4

Sweetie, if anything, nerves are what makes him bust. I've heard of being so nervous that you can't get it up, but that evidently isn't the case. If anything, he may not be feeling anything. I'm not trying to be crude or vulgar, but perhaps you may need to try some other things in the bedroom to keep him interested.

Answer 5

Instead of telling him he's not normal and is not fulfilling your needs you can try making him feel more at ease. If he's so tense
it means he cares-maybe too much-and it appears that your
special brand of diplomacy has made him even more nervous.
It sounds like he needs to relax and you need to let up-you can't
unsay what you said but you can reword it so that you don't verbally castrate him. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Muy buenas.
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Answer 8

I think the problem is your vagina.....it's too BIG. Forget all this emotional eye-contact junk and just give him a BJ. That is all the eye-contact you need....for now. You girls are so full of sh*t.

Answer 9

Darling I think your man may be gay..If this has been going on for a while..

Answer 10

IF HE CAN'T GET IT UP HE PROBABLY HAD SEX BEFORE HE CAME OVER.