Once you forgive, how do you FORGET? Husband made me feel physically inadequate about my body?

Question

First off, please no rude comments as I am a very attractive woman...from all aspects.

I forgave him because I began to see him as the insecure and weak person that he is....which, unfortunately didn't make him look very sexy back. Honestly, it's kinda gross because it went on for over a year after I met him, but it wasn't immediate that he started this...it took a while before his true colors came out. He was or is a pig.

To me, this mentality by men is just ignorance and lack of intelligence, which is pretty gross to boot.

Now...I'm "the most beautiful woman in the world" according to him, but I already HEARD all of his endless remarks about boobs, butts, legs, etc. from his comments to me and about other women. I truly do forgive him...but I so wish I could see him as the man I knew and was so in love with before his true colors came out....any thoughts? Do men like this really change?

Answer 1

No. You have seen his true colors and found out what things he values. You have also been shown lack of consideration and total disregard. Why do you think you have to change him? He won't and you can't. You found out what he was really like. Why question that. What if he were into kiddie porn? Would that make your decision any easier? He forgot to keep acting, like he did when you two got together. Leave him and spend time with someone who inspires you to feel good about yourself, like he picked YOU out of all the other women out there.....you deserve no less. Best revenge is to live well. So move on, let him wallow. He probably needs to see women objectified and reduce them to physical body parts because the whole real woman intimidates him and makes him feel inadequate. It is easier to bring others down to the level he feels like he is at, then to rise up to the level you're at. The way people treat others is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Now he is trying to sweet talk you to stick around so he can feel like at least SOMEONE will have him.....don't give him the satisfaction.

The man you fell in love with was the man he pretended he was...which does not exist....so now that you know he's not that man, you have to let go. You don't have time to waste......

Answer 2

So he was weak and insecure and you had inadequate boobs and butt. This went on for a year and you still married him? In that time how many times have called him a pig? It sounds like you are both being ignorant and have no clue how to communicate without derision. Actually it sounds like he has changed with talk of beauty BUT you have not. How long do you intend to play this martyr game? Maybe the question should be how long does the spiteful woman carry a grudge?

Answer 3

I think it's possible for them to change, but then the damage is done. I had an ex who made me feel that way as well. I remember when I bought a 2-piece bathing suit (I was wearing size 9/10 jeans at that point) he told me that just because I had a belly didn't mean I had to show it off. And he made it very clear that he preferred skinny blonde women who wear heavy eye makeup, basically the opposite of me. Yes, it turned me away, and the later he could find no wrong with me. So I completely understand - it's VERY hard to forgive and forget the damage that's been done.

Answer 4

men do change....i have never been this way towards my wife but its a situation thats not that hard to put yourself in....sometimes men go through phases in life...one moment they will love you and think your everything to them...and the next moment they could hate you and think of other women who are ten times better then you...they see the grass being greenier on the other side so to speak..anyways something eventually will open their eyes either right away or too late to even take any of the mean things they said back...in your case your hubsband opend his eyes and sow what he had was the best....it may seem like he is just doing it to keep you..but really guys have hearts and change when they know the best thing in their life is about to fall apart....
you may have forgiven him but you'll never forget what he told you all those times....you can put it in the back of your mind but it will always be there...just dont focus too much on it because that can cause another problem in your relationship...just going on with today dont think about yesterday or tomorrow....cause yesterday you wont ever get back and tomorrow may never come..but today you can live life to the fullest....i hope everything gets better for you....and like i always tell my wife....as long as you love yourself and think your the most beautiful women then you are...i tell her she is all the time..but you dont need someone to tell you if you already know....well take care and have a great day

Answer 5

When he made the remarks, he changed something in you too, You can't go back to square one with just him changing, and like you said, you can;t forget he said that.

Maybe you two can do some kind of sport or fitness activity together, maybe a martial art - preferably one that you are better at ;-) This could help both of you regard your bodies differently, since you are using them in a different context than the usual marital ones. Otherwise you'll just have to leave him or cheat on him!

Answer 6

I swear, women find this most insignificant things to fret over. This man is your husband. Aside from God, there is none higher than that. Through his eyes, if you're the most beautiful woman in the world, you're the most beautiful woman in the world. You could have dung seeping from your skin, and you'd still be a fox to him. The fact of the matter is ALL men need eye candy from time to time. If he's going to change, he's going to change on his terms, not because you want him to. Don't force it, either.

Answer 7

Some men who know that they are with a woman of beauty and quality, start to have a fear that they cannot hold onto, nor have the looks equal to the prize that they have. So they resort to directing "put-downs" and showing other behavior towards the woman, hoping it will lower her self esteem.. They know she is beautiful but they don't want her to know or feel it.. It is surprising how while the man was pursuing the lady, this side did not show.. He is reminded every day when he looks at you, how beautiful you are.. And he fears that he will have a hard time taking care of himself to live up to your beauty.. Good luck and continue to take care of yourself..

Answer 8

You may forgive your husband but you'll never forget. It will be on your mind and in your subconscious for a while, especially if it was done for a long period of time. If you're willing to continue with the marriage you should think about councelling what he was doing was verbally abusive and degrading. Good luck with your marriage, and I hope you're going to work on your self esteem you deserve to be happy

Answer 9

No, but if it is such a concern with you, why did you marry him in the first place? Maybe you need to be a little more creative in the bedroom to help both of you out. What is more, is although a decent size penis is great and all, women if they allow themselves to, can just as easily get off with rubbing and the friction of skin on skin.

Answer 10

Girl a man will tell you anything to win your heart, but once he does he thinks that he own you. My husband woed me with cleaning, cooking, washing the car, cutting the grass, etc... those things turn me on. Now the only time I can get him to do something is if I throw a B**** fit. They all do that