When my husband & I got married, neither of us wanted kids.?

Question

now 2 years later, I'm beginning to think I may want to have one but he hasn't changed his mind & doesn't want to discuss it. Should I press the issue or just let it go? Any advice would be helpful. Thanx

Answer 1

You guys need to have a serious sit down talk about your future. It sounds like you went into this relationship with an "open mind" considering that you both may change your minds down the road.

Sounds like he isn't ready to change his mind yet, or he may never... He may honestly not ever want kids.

If that is the case, you have a decision to make. Stay with him without kids, or gracefully move on and find someone who does...

Answer 2

As oprah reported before the #1 cause of dead for pregnant women is "MURDER"! Why? Because the women have kids that the man did not want and he goes and kills her over it and the unborn child too.
If you agreed to not have kids then sorry but you should have thought about what you were saying before you got married.
If you want to have kids really bad now you need to talk to him about it. Tell him you changed your mind and didnt realize what you were saying when you said you didnt want any. Tell him you want only 1. Ask him why he doesnt want kids and hear his reasons.
Ask him if he would consider it, for you. If he digs his heels in and says NO, then you should not have kids with him.
Either get a divorce and have kids with someone else or dont have kids if he doesnt want them since you agreed to it before marriage.
If you dont have kids you can still be apart of children's lives, just not your own.
Maybe see if he would agree to being a Foster parent, because you can quit that at anytime if it doesnt work out. That way you are kind of a parent temporarily but the kids dont stay forever always. And if he cant handle it later you can stop being a foster parent.
Or get involved with your friends and relatives kids. Get involved in the community, be a "big sister" to a child who needs a friend.

Answer 3

It depends on how old you are. If you think you certainly want kids and if you're already late thirties then you don't have time to lose. People can change their minds. Spouses should know this when they're getting married. You have every right to want a child and to open lines of communication with your husband (it is bad that he doesn't want to discuss). I assume your marriage is going well if you want kids, if that is right and if you're younger I'd forget the issue for a couple of years, but if time is of essence you should press it.

Answer 4

This is why so many marriages end....what we start out wanting may be the same but as time goes on our needs, wants and views change and may not always change in the same direction. If having children is something that you can't compromise on, it's probably best to end it now before too many years get invested or you end up pregnant and he feels betrayed and leaves you anyway. That would just be another child who had to endure a broken home which isn't fair to the kid. You may think that by getting pregnant he will change his mind but chances are it will only make him resentful. Good luck with your decision!

Answer 5

One of my husbands very good friends and his wife never wanted kids when they first go together. About 3 years into their marriage, she started thinking that she did and he still didn't and then she "accidentally" got pregnant (she was on the pill). He wasn't excited or happy at all that they were having a baby. Now that the baby is here, he is a good father and all, but it's not something that he wanted, so I think he's just along for the ride (so to speak).

Considering he doesn't even want to discuss it, I would drop it.

Answer 6

children are something that make people's lives worth while. If he is not interested in having kids, let him know how much it is starting to mean to you, and let him know that you may not have forever to make this decision. If you end up choosing not to have kids, and later on in life he does end up wanting them, it will be too late. Do your best and hang in there! Sometimes men who don't want kids cannot see beyond sharing the attention with another human being. If your husband likes toys and fun adult stuff, find a way to compromise - one good way would be to talk to your parents and see if they would be willing to take the baby for the weekend some times. :)

Answer 7

I would advise you weigh how important the issue is to you. If it is very important I would say bring it up to your husband again. This is if you know you definitely want kids. I MEAN without a shadow of a doubt. If it is not a big deal, I would say let it pass. Maybe you can volunteer at a daycare, become a sub teacher, or work with kids in another avenue. That way you can experience the joy of having kids in your life without the potential strife from your mate.

Answer 8

Do NOT attempt to change his mind. Not fair. And it WON'T WORK. You might get him to give in. But.....he will not change his mind. Only give in and be bitter.
Sorry to tell you this.....but statistics are not on your side.
If you've changed your mind and he hasn't, pretty much a divorce is looming in the picture. In a case like this, I would almost recommend a divorce. Just tell him you've changed your mind and it's not fair to him so you'd like a friendly divorce. Then get a different man and have a family.
Sorry to sound so harsh. But realistically, that's the best way to move on. The sad part of these situations is that it usually drags on for years and then when they do get around to getting tired of fighting and get a divorce they're too old for kids anyway. No one wins. Divorce NOW is best.

Answer 9

Oh my god! This is the exact situation I'm in. (I just posted my question yesterday.) Obviously, I'm in no position to give advice, as I am at a loss myself, but I just wanted to say: don't let anyone make you feel like you're a bad person for changing your mind. Some people who responded to my question were basically, "Well, too bad. You knew he didn't want kids." I know that it's not our fault...we couldn't predict we'd start to feel this way. Anyway, good luck to you. I hope it works out!

Answer 10

I wouldn't be pushy about it, but if you are 100% positive that is what you want, you need to tell him that you have changed your mind. If it is something that maybe you want, but are still questioning it, I wouldn't bring it up until you are sure. The reason for that is, he may want out of the marriage or you may want out if minds don't change. Marriages are supposed to be open and honest so you should be able to take this to him.