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2006-08-07 11:50:00 · 34 answers · asked by Your Favorite Worst Nightmare 2 in Arts & Humanities Books & Authors

34 answers

It's better to remain silent and have people think you a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

Time flies like an arrow,
Fruit flies like bananas.

2006-08-07 19:49:42 · answer #1 · answered by John D 1 · 5 1

Pillage, then burn.
If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.
Do unto others.
The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy, no more, no less.
A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
If you're leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.
That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.
How do you tune a bagpipe?
It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Anyone who says nothing's impossible has never tried to slam a revolving door!
Just remember... If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. (This one requires some programming knowledge to be funny)
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
In the end, everything is a gag.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
The gods too are fond of a joke.




"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)

"Plato was a bore."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal."
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

"Hemingway was a jerk."
- Harold Robbins




"Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things."
- Epictetus (55-135 A.D.)


"What about things like bullets?"
- Herb Kimmel, Behavioralist, Professor of Psychology, upon hearing the above quote (1981)






"I don't feel good."
- The last words of Luther Burbank (1849-1926)


Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
This isn't right, this isn't even wrong.
I worship the quicksand he walks in.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy's eyes.

2006-08-07 11:59:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I don't have a favorite but here are some I feel are noteworthy




"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars" - Oscar Wilde

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple" - Oscar Wilde

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land, there is no other life but this.” - Henry David Thoreau

"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Achieving life is not the equivalent of avoiding death." - Ayn Rand

"I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine." - Ayn Rand

2006-08-07 16:43:32 · answer #3 · answered by Blair 1 · 0 0

favourite opening line (although I shouldn't like it)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife

And favourite quotes

I wouldn't join club that would accept me as a member

I once dreamt I was a butterfly and now I no longer know if I am a man who once dreamt he was a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming he is a man

2006-08-07 11:56:04 · answer #4 · answered by Bob-bob 3 · 0 0

Time Waits For No Man

2006-08-07 11:57:52 · answer #5 · answered by gnostic 2 · 0 0

When the chips are down the buffallo is empty- Garrison Keillor

Thank God we don't get all the government we pay for.- Will Rogers

That jasper don't know if his bunghole has been keypunched or gouged out by crows- My Dad

2006-08-07 17:29:39 · answer #6 · answered by spudfarmer 3 · 0 0

Oh gosh there are too many!

"Don't be afraid of death, be afraid of an unlived life.
You don't have to live forever, you just have to live."
Tuck Everlasting

or

"The things you're scared of are usually most worth while"
-Bridges Of Madison County

Those are my top 2

2006-08-07 14:04:04 · answer #7 · answered by allison 3 · 0 0

Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be marrow. Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespear

2006-08-07 14:01:01 · answer #8 · answered by Goddess Princess Minky 5 · 0 0

Never drive faster than you can see. Jack Burton

It's amazing how much they look like orchids. Lazarus Long

Always keep your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.

2006-08-07 11:55:28 · answer #9 · answered by captlazarus 2 · 0 0

The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have, in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is the dog.

2006-08-07 11:55:21 · answer #10 · answered by Jessica 2 · 0 0

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