No pets allowed?

Question

I have no pets at the moment, but I do love animals and would love to have a pet dog or bird or even a cat but my fiance told me in no uncertain terms that if I "want a dog or a pet of any sort I should seriously look for another guy who is a pet lover". I have spoken to him about this previously in hopes that he might have changed his mind, but he is adamant. I am in near disbelief that if someone truly loves you they would be so hard and fast about a simple pet. He said that pets are more responsibility than children (not allowed to have one of them either). . . Is this enough for me to consider calling it off with him? I mean, I am happy to compromise to an extent but I'm wondering if he is going to be laying down hard and fast rules left, right and centre through the marriage. I always thought that if someone loves you, they want you to be happy and are prepared to put aside their petty grievances - however his grievance with pets doesn't sound too petty. Oh what to do!!? ?

Answer 1

Throw the engagement ring at him and RUN like HELL!!!

During the courtship and engagement period, people tend to put forth their best behavior. That being said, if you really think that this is his best behavior, then what type of hard, fast rules do you think he is going to put down after you say "I Do"?

Seems to me that he is both controlling and abusive.

Answer 2

Tough dillemma you're in.
Not sure your age and how long you've been in this relationship, but at first to me it sounds like your fiance is being clearf about what what matters and what is acceptable.... doesn't seem like a lot of comrpomise.
Could you entertainthe idea of fostgering a dog or pet temporarily ? There are many pets that need a home between shelters and finding new families.
I would explore thneconcerns and fears and try to put them in some perspective.... find out from friends how much a pet reallhy is taking up time/energy/schedule etc.... what arrangements would you make if you were to take off for a weekend - who would care for the pet? We usually have a neighbor who is able to dogsit... so does my mom, otherwise we take my dog to a vet for boarding which is about $15 a day.

I love my dog -- don't know what I would do without her... obviously I love my husband too -- Dog is man's best friend and definitely adds to our family, our home and our marriage.

I hope you can work out a compromise ...l. but if not I guess I woudl wonder what other issues you might comke across where you greatly differ in opinion.

Ultimately, a good relationship is about communication and compromise.

Best wishes -- take time with sorting this out -- be wiling to be patient and ask to revisit the subject rather than harboring any bitterness and considering the subject closed because it obviously is not a closed subject for you.

Answer 3

I hear ya! To be honest, my boyfriend was really funny about me wanting animals. I love my cats and if he wants to compete, he can try! But he wont win. When he finally met my cats however, he changed his tune. I think most guys see pets as a softy thing that men just don't do (regardless of the fact that my boyfriend is now smitten with our cat but shhh, don't tell anyone!)

How long have you nagged him for? I've found long, consistant nagging can work wonders too. Don't start off too heavy, try and get some fish, or something easy to manage so you can show him they're a pleasure to care for.

Yes, if he loved you, he'd be willing to compromise. Make sure you explain to him that this is making you really unhappy. I suspect the whole "find another man" thing is a way of stopping you from asking. I'm sure if the tables were turned "I'm getting a cat/dog, if you don't like it, get out", he'd act differently.

Pets are a wonderful part of life and are part of the family every bit as much as a baby. Don't let him do you out of this. Its not fair.

Actually, just read it again, you're not allowed kids?! What, NEVER?! RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS. This guy cares about himself, I'm not sure I could stand that sort of treatment for long...

Good luck anyway, and keep nagging!

Answer 4

If he is already laying down petty rules imagine what other rules he's going to have next. What do you mean he won't let you have children?In a relationship you compromise. If he's not willing to compromise maybe he's not mature enough to be in a serious relationship.You have to think to yourself what is more impt. him or a pet? he's obviously not going to let you have a pet. If you want to work things out see if you can get something little like fish. If he's not willing to compromise with that there isn't going to be any compromises through out your marriage.The question is are you willing to deal with this. If there answer is no then you should leave. If you want to stay then you have some things to work out.

Answer 5

If you compromise your wants you will end up resenting him. This is unfair for him to not allow pets OR children. It sounds as if you clearly want at least pets if not kids. You cannot change him nor should you try. If you cannot live with the no pets or kids rule, then you best end it now and find yourself a man who loves all living things. You sound too compassionate to give these precious things up in your life. Please think about this before you marry him!

Answer 6

just because he tells you that you can't get a pet, doesn't mean that you have to listen. if you decide you want one, then go get one and see what he says then. obviously, he's not going to concede at all just by having a conversation about it, so make it harder for him to say no. and guess what, it might make him angry. oh well, you'll both deal with it together. there will be more than one occassion where one of you manage to piss the other off. you need to be able to talk to one another. and if all he has to say is, go find someone else who's a pet lover, then you should do just that.

Answer 7

I think you've answered your own question. Love is compromise. If he's this out of control about an animal (AND children???) I would think the minute you do marry him, he WILL be laying down the law. Love is a 2 way street. It sure sounds like you're in a one way relationship. I'd get out.

Answer 8

Relationships are all about compromise. It sounds to me like it is his way or the highway. If you want pets or children, I would get the heck out of there. I wouldn't want someone that is laying down rules like that without even considering you or your feelings. He should at least think about it....

Answer 9

This man is very immature in his unwillingness to accept responsibility for something as simple as a goldfish. You have some very serious issues to work out with him.

So it's pets and kids now... what ELSE is he not going to take responsibility for -- sexual fidelity? Owning a home? Going to work reliably?

You have to accept the probability that you will NOT change him and he will NOT grow out of it. Time for a real heart-to-heart -- and don't phrase it as an ultimatum for him, because he'll just blame YOU for it.

You have to decide what's important to you in life, and you have to accept that if you stay with him, every decision from here on out will be cast in such a way that if anything goes wrong, it's going to be YOUR fault, because he will not have taken responsibility for it. Whatever it is.

Answer 10

You need to break off your relationship with this cold fish IMMEDIATELY. He doesn't want pets or kids, and you do. Right there is the answer to your question. You are not compatible and never will be.

And, yes, he will continue to lay down the law and give threats if his rules are not obeyed.

Do yourself a favor and end it now. Then, get yourself a puppy and lavish all your VALUABLE love on it.