if a close friend tells others that he does not like some of my qualities and not me. what should i do?

Answer 1

Since you found out, I would go to your friends and talk about it. Do not get mad....nobody likes All the qualities of a person...its a sign of a really good friend.

There might be more...or less, to the story then what you are hearing third person. Maybe something was said innocently and then blown out of proportion. It happens.

Answer 2

Friendship is supposed to be based on loyalty. Even when a friendship is 'over' it is a betrayal to go around saying unkind things about another. It is even slanderous since it is based on his own assessment - right or wrong about your qualities - a friend should not do that.

If he or she is bothered by something you are doing or a personality trait, he or she needs to trust and respect you enough to tell you how much it bothers him or her. If you can and if you are willing to change those things, great. Perhaps it is a good thing for you to do - you will know if they are simply a whim or if they are truly poor traits on your part. Obviously you have faults - everyone does. Your friend cares about you in spite of them, as a friend should.

However the 'conversations about these traits' should be with you and you only - since that is the real crime. Your friend needs to be confronted, and then depending on how he behaves/reacts - you can decide whether he/she is still the friend you want. Maybe he will see that it was unkind to talk to others, and be very sorry for putting the friendshp at risk.

Then you will know at least whether he/she is someone you want to keep as a friend. It is not unreasonable to expect loyalty in your relationships - it is necessary.

Answer 3

This is actually a very mature thing of him to do. To say that you have qualities he doesn't like, but that he still likes you....that's a good thing. And if he's telling everyone else this, then he's leaving them open to make their own decision about you and that there are qualities about you that he likes that obviously stand out more than your bad qualities because he still likes you.

You could ask him what those bad qualities are and if you feel strongly enough about sticking to them (or if they're qualities that you cannot change), then just accept that he doesn't like those qualities. Otherwise, you can work to change them.

We can't please everyone and obviously he's a really great friend, so I wouldn't worry about it.

Answer 4

If the qualities are negative, accept them and try to diffuse them ( eg. kicking animals or pushing old ladies off the road etc ) but do consult with him face to face first, if he admits it then I believe hurling " You are this and that" back and forth wont solve the problem, best thing to do is confront your friend and ask if he really does see those negative qualities in you... if they are negative no harm lessening.

But if he said he didnt like your taste in foods, or books or anything that personal and forms YOUR personality... you might want to think twice, if he is a close friend he should accept all your flaws and qualities... even Cindy Crawfod was considered "flawed" coz of her mole ,until Ford Agency spotted her and that turned her bane to success, into her speciality to fame and fortune .

If its a personality trait, forget it, looks for like minded friends coz friends accept the good and bad in each other and build on it to enhance the friendship not to destroy. But if others also complain that you are like this and like that... then time to rexamine the situation.But for now, talk to him first... all else is just theory until you speak to him face to face.

Answer 5

Why should you do anything? If it is only some qualities who's perfect? I am sure you dont see you're friend as perfect in everything. You accept the bad for the good! it's a package.
I would just like to know why was your friend telling others? was he being critical or did you anger him in something?

Answer 6

He likes you but not some of your qualities? I don't think it's possible to like every single thing about someone. But you take the good with the bad. If their good qualities outweigh their bad, then it's worth it. But talk to him, because this is a discussion he should be having with you, not a third party.

Answer 7

Talk to your friend and see if this is something you can work out. You need to be able to show him that you are willing to listen to what he says. You need to figure out if the qualities he does not like about you are things you need to work at changing about yourself. Or maybe this is a friendship that is falling apart because of ways that he is changing or you are changing. It may be a painful conversation, but if this has been a meaningful friendship, it's worth trying to save it.

Answer 8

Wouldn't a close friend tell you? I guess the only response is to tell people that you thought he was a friend, but it looks like you were wrong if he talks like that behind your back.

Answer 9

I would make you wonder just how close you two are. If it was me I would approach them and ask them. I would not give up where I got the info from(that would be two-faced) but I would ask. You don't know. He/She might not have ever said that in the first place and the one telling you that might be trying to stir up strife. May God Blesss

Answer 10

Find out if it's true first and if so work on your qualities/kick him in the butt!:) :0