I don't like flowers or candles. So how would you set a romantic mood? Hubby says it can't be done.?

Question

My hubby says I make it impossible for him to set a romantic mood because I don't like flowers or candles. I say it can be done you just have to be more creative. Whose right him or me?

We've been married for 31 years and have three grown children. This was a discussion we had not an argument. He was telling me how I keep him on his toes and how he has to really think about what makes me happy because I'm not like most women. One of the things he LOVES about me. It wasn't a complaint it was a compliment. I just don't happen to think that the fact that I don't like flowers and candlelight makes it difficult for him to set a romantic mood. And he has never failed me in 31 years of marriage.

Answer 1

YOU are right! :) There are many ways your hubby can be creative in setting a romantic mood -- it just seems like all he knows is candles and flowers. Nothing wrong with those, BTW. I love them, but I know not all women do.

Anyway, here are some other ideas he can try doing for you...

- playing a CD of your favorite romantic music
- writing you a "love note"
- renting one of your fave movies and popping popcorn so you two can cuddle on the coach and watch the movie
- giving you a massage (feet, shoulders, neck, whatever)
- preparing a dinner of your favorite foods
- packing a picnic and taking you to your favorite park for lunch
- preparing a bubble bath for you (or for you & him together)
- dressing up in the clothes you like best on him (later, he could even give you a personal "strip show" as he undresses).
- you and him playing one of those fun/romantic board games or card games designed for couples
- heck, even balloons can be romantic, if the buyer gets the favorite colors of the person being surprised!

Answer 2

I say you are right...I'm not so much into flowers or candles either, and it has never been a problem with being romantic. Sometimes, when I come home from work, my hubby will have dinner cooking, the table set, he'll start me a bath, put on soothing music, dim the lights, and even have me a little something sexy laid out...and he'll put on something he knows I like to see him in, too. It starts a whole evening of romance and there were never any flowers or candles involved at all. He just needs to broaden his mind as to other things that can be taken as romantic. After all, if what is considered romantic by one person is not romantic to you, it's not going to impress or move you anyway.

Answer 3

You need to let him know the things that you DO think are romantic. Telling him he is not creative will not help...he needs a little guidance from you. If that means picking up sandwiches from the deli and going fishing under a willow tree or riding a motorcycle in the country or just getting a rental movie and ordering Chinese for the night...whatever it is let him know. Romantic doesn't have to be that "typical" candles and flowers thing it can be whatever the two of you enjoy doing together.

Answer 4

You absolutely do not need flowers and candles to set a romantic mood. You are right!!!!!!! Let me see....You can get some wine or champagne, dim the lights, put on some nice and sexy music, turn off the phone, tv, computer, cell phones, pagers...turn off all ways of communication with the outside world, if you have kids get a sitter, go to a novelty store and get some scented and flavored massage oils and other "toys" to spice up an encounter or moment........need I go on? Just focus 100% on each other and make sure there are no interruptions and spend an entire night closing out the outside world like you two are the only people on earth.............TRY IT!!!!!

Answer 5

Well, I think there's nothing more romantic than candlelight......tons of it.
But sure, there are other things that create a nice ambience. Nice fabrics strewn about like silks and satins, tiny white or other colored lights strewn here and there (no multicolored on one strand, that's cheesy or Christmasy), paper lanterns(which these days are easy to find and pretty cheap), maybe a couple little tabletop fountains, nice music. Think of places you've been that are romantic or have a cozy ambience and think of what specifically makes them romantic. Then try to copy it. Sometimes it's a simply as the layout of the place or the colors and textures, or the paintings on the wall.

Answer 6

Nothing good comes from who's right and wrong in marriage. Id say do what does make you feel romantic. I think its romantic to go to dinner at a nice restaurant with an outside patio overlooking the river, go for walks in a beautiful park during sunset, not only is romantic to walk hand in hand its also good excersize. I think its romantic to do things together that you both like. Go on a cruise or take a vacation to a lovely spot. Can you find common ground?

Answer 7

You, he just doesn't want to do anything that requires actual thought. His romantic mood would be to sit in front of the games, beer, pizza,. I don't know. Anyway, my husband likes to make me a nice bubble bath, no candles. We turn the hall light on and sit in the bath with just the shadows of the hall light.
There are so many things to do. Tell him to set out a picnic at night and eat under the moonlight. At least it's not candles and the only flowers would be that from the yard.

Answer 8

I'd set a romantic mood by finding out what my wife thought was romantic, but we aren't trying to prove which of us is right -- we're just out to enjoy each others' company.

It's a lot like asking what's sexy. I found out years ago that my wife looks silly in the classic leather-and-lace dominatrix look (whether it's because I don't like it or because it makes her feel stupid is a separate discussion). But I just get all twisty inside when I see her in a knee-length Pima cotton jersey nightgown in shell pink, or a flannel nightshirt that buttons in the front (because it suggests that it can UNBUTTON in the front too...)

Well, the same goes for romance. If candles and flowers don't say romantic to you (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!), what does? And more to the point, why haven't you told your husband what you think is romantic? (Or have you, and it just hasn't sunk in? That's not a matter of creativity... that's just being a guy.)

My wife and I have been married for 27 years, and I seriously doubt that four additional years of marriage is likely to make your husband any better at reading minds than I am. The difference is, when I ask my wife a direct question, she gives me a direct answer. It's amazing how well we get along when we're clear on what we want...

So here's what I'd recommend. If it was my wife and me, I'd open a bottle of Australian shiraz, have her sit on the other end of the couch with her feet in my lap, and massage her arches and calves while we sip red wine and talk about what she thinks is romantic. (I'm stacking the deck, of course, because I happen to know that red wine and footrubs are at the top of her list. :-)

For you two, maybe it's a cup of hot cocoa on a flannel quilt in front of a fireplace; maybe it's a glass of iced tea out on the porch with the jasmine blooming just out of sight. Whatever and wherever it is... talk to each other about it. It's the only way to get somebody to understand what you want out of life.

Answer 9

To get in a romantic mood consider starting by not arguing about romantic moods. How about turning the lights down low and putting on some soul music (at least that always gets me in the mood)...a glass of red wine, some sensuous massage, followed by kissing. And more kissing. Everywhere!

Answer 10

You are right, romantic is between the couple. I hate the flower and candlelight routine too. When we go hiking and watch a sunset together I feel romantic. Your husband needs to find out what you like and you need to tell him.