i caught my husband having a affair he said he was stupid and he loves me and he is sorry, should we work it out or call it quits. he has been seeing her since march. i have talked to her she said if she knew he was married she would have told him no.
2006-08-07 09:06:56 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
when you talk to her did you ask her had she develop feeling for your husband. And if they been seeing each other since march and if you hadn't caught him would he would still be seeing her.And I Know he told you that he love you and that he sorry but is he sorry because he got caught. Because if he was really sorry why did you have to catch him if he was really sorry he would have stop seeing her before you caught him. I know she told you the if she know that he was married she would have said no but now they were together every since march as women we fall in love fast i know she must have feeling for him right now she is mad because he lied to her about being married. but i bet you she has feeling for him and he has feeling for her because if he didn't have feeling for her he would have stop before you caught him and all that time they were together where did he take her and what all did he buy her with you'll money. Those places and if he brought her thing should have been for you . And now every time he leave the house or if his cell phone ring where is he going and who is he talking to is it her. As a women you need to ask her how she feel about you husband before they got caught and how she feel now and i bet you she younger ask her age. ask your self why he did it and how long will it have went on it you havn't caught him. and do you and him have any kids. If you beileve in your heart with out a dout that you can get over this because i know for myself that it hurt then please forgive him but if you going to be setting around wonder how long they kiss and held each other or was the sex great check his cell phone bill and see how often did he call. must of the time he couldn't wait to get out of the house or go to work so he could call or go by and see her. when you check that cell phone bill you will see a day didn't go by that he call her a least twice a day and did he contiune to call you or did he stop all together and you might find your self sitting around wanting what did they talk about did he tell her that he love her. and everytime they where together was he always smiling and happy. If you fine your self thinking about what you husband did or said with her and where they went or what he brought her and if you haven't meant her what she look like your relationship will be bitter you love him but hate him for what he did to you and your family can thing ever be the same or will you try to get even because it hurt so much. and you will threw it in his face every time you get in a fight about the little thing.
2006-08-07 10:18:33 · answer #1 · answered by sue 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you weren't wrong, if you were happy together for 15 years, counting your 11 year marriage--it just won't be happy for 16, or at least not yet. So tell stupid (referencing what your husband said he was) whether or not you will forgive him, pick a path and go for it--forgive him and go on or leave him. Either path won't be easy. But if it was good until now, maybe you can have a discussion to find out what went wrong and fix it. Maybe it was stupid, but maybe you contributed--something worth serious consideration. Now, I'm not saying you are to blame. He could have done this all on his own, but you just MAY have been giving him incentive from time to time, so it is worth some serious talking. You might consider paying a referee to ask the questions (generally called a marriage counseler).
2006-08-07 17:00:17 · answer #2 · answered by Rabbit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can truly answer this question. If you think he is truly sorry and you can truly FORGIVE him then I think it can work. But if you think that he is just sorry he got caught then he will do it again later. I do think some men are just dogs and they will keep screwing around, but some men are truly sorry for what they do. Those men that are truly sorry for what they do will do anything in their power to make it right again. So, if he is really trying to make it work with you, and you truly want to make it work then I say go ahead and see what happens. My husband cheated on me. So, to make things right he even quit his out of state job for me. I truly believe he was sorry for what he did, and we are happier now more than ever. We communicate so much better now, and before we really never talked about how we felt.
2006-08-07 16:23:12 · answer #3 · answered by Crystal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Javelin, because I went through this too. My then boyfriend came back and now we are married we just decided to fix what was wrong. Of course we still have alot of work to do and we are no where out of the red zone yet but that's all a part of the process I guess.
2006-08-07 16:23:17 · answer #4 · answered by been there 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave. No way should you put yourself through this. I'm also married and if my husband cheated I would be gone. Of course he's going to say sorry and that he regrets it and he may be but fact of the matter is it doesn't seem as if it was a "one time thing." He has betrayed your trust and that can never be repaired
2006-08-07 16:50:49 · answer #5 · answered by Shawna B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he lied to you, and lied to her, then get rid of him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I lost my husband to my best friend, and there is no way that I would have ever taken him back. Go find someone that truly loves you, and what ever you do, do not sleep with him any more... don't give in to him... Good Luck, and I am sorry for you
2006-08-07 16:14:01 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've been together for a long time... I don't believe any man has an excuse to cheat.. but maybe you can talk it out and see what he has to say.. but the decision should remain yours.. and just be prepared that it will more than likely happen again.. are you ready for this ? .. he might not.. but he might ...
obviously he wasn't drunk or drugged.. so he went of his own will .. but.. if you feel you still want to be with him.. it's your decision really...
I was with my husband for 3 years when I found out he cheated on me... I honestly was willing to try to forgive him.. but it turned out to be impossible...
2006-08-07 16:23:26 · answer #7 · answered by Lyne B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like some bs to me. What does he want to do? Keep you both? A 4 month relationship is long enough for someone if not both people to fall in love. Keep that in mind. I'd be too hurt to continue but that's just me.
2006-08-07 16:16:27 · answer #8 · answered by Pardonthepun 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off it is wrong to put any blame on her. Even if she pursued him, even if she new all about you, he is the only one to blame here. Plain and simple, he is to blame. That said, you need to understand why he did what he did. If there was maybe a legitimate reason that he was unhappy, and decided to cheat on you, then maybe you can work on fixing that. However, if he just likes to cheat and lie, then maybe it is beyond fixing. Irregardless, this will likely take years to fix.
2006-08-07 16:14:39 · answer #9 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, sure, she didn't know. That is bull. If you want to stay married to him then you should get a "friend" also. Why should he have all the fun.
2006-08-07 16:12:55 · answer #10 · answered by Alaska 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋