it was totally unplanned and i still feel a bit shocked that i could something like that. it was surprisingly comfortable afterwards though, and it was fun but we were also very drunk. i think my husband will now want a 3some but with another woman and im not sure i want to get into all that. i want to stop thinking about it but it consumes me. has this happened to anyone else? any advice?
2006-08-07 08:12:42 · 25 answers · asked by africansky 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am not offended by anything anyone has said. obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinions on the matter - but just so you know, i was not blaming the alcohol for the situation. i was just explaining the context in which it all happened. my husband and his cousin did not have any contact at all during the experience so i cant see how that can make it incestuous. thank you to those of you who didnt answer my question with all that fire and brimstone crap...rev. stevens, didnt jesus say we shouldnt cast stones?
2006-08-07 08:50:51 · update #1
Joy and DKlide: good responses. No one knows anything about you, your marriage, or your story, so there are a lot of variables. How long have you been married? Have you discussed it before (even tho this time was unplanned). Talk with your husband about his expectations, and yours. If you are in a good marriage, and you both feel comfortable with it, then keep the communication going and set the rules if you decide to do it again. This is not something to take over your life negatively, there are plenty of couples who do this and are comfortable with it....some people like the hedonistic aspects. As for the "alcohol is the devil" response, go do a flying leap after a mind eraser. alcohol affects people, but not as adversely as right-minded religion freaks o' nature. FREE LOVE BABY.
2006-08-07 08:24:32 · answer #1 · answered by stu d 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
First and foremost, do not listen to these people who say your marriage is ruined because of this. They have no idea who you are, what your situation is, how well your marriage is going, or whether or not you and your husband have discussed this exact thing in the past. the only things that are important for you to think about are these: First sit down with your hubby and explain what you are thinking and feeling. Explain to him your thoughts about what happened, whether you liked it or not, and your reasoning's for it. If you enjoyed it and so did he, then by all means discuss it and see if it is something the two of you are comfortable trying again. As for a threesome with another woman, if that is something he wants and you are curious about it, then again, by all means give it a try. Set limits before hand, talk openly about any worries or fears you have and come to an agreement. But believe me, just having a threesome will not destroy a strong marriage, in fact it can, in some instances strengthen it. My wife and I have been married for many years now and have had a few various sexual encounters, and we are as much in love and devoted to one another today as we were in the very beginning. Just be honest with yourself and your husband. That's what's important. I hope this helps you
Just my 2 cents worth
2006-08-07 15:46:40 · answer #2 · answered by capbarrow2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since it's already effected and affected your dignity, self respect, respect for marriage and extended family, your sense of a more private, intimate, couple relationship, I'd say you have less to worry about than just the marriage.
BTW,,, Drunk is a poor excuse. Enlightened coupling may be acceptable in your world, but why involve your husband? Did that make the act more moral?
Big Sigh,
Rev. Steven
I suspect it will be a long term topic of conversation between Hubby and cousin. It may be that you'll find a line at your door at some point, all family, all wanting, and all at risk of whatever karma will find anyone of you.
2006-08-07 15:22:56 · answer #3 · answered by DIY Doc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally think it was a bad idea to have a 3some with a relative.that's a no no. But since you did and was intoxicated when it happened I would just explan to the hubby that although it was ok, that you would rather not do it again. Or if you did do it, just tell him that you would rather do it with someone who is not in the family. As for having a 3some with a woman, if you are not for that, then tell him no and that should be it. Be careful not to let 3somes consume your relationship and become something that just takes over. Good luck.
2006-08-07 15:20:59 · answer #4 · answered by Renee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing that I can tell you is to be open and honest with your husband. Tell him how you feel, and let him know that this is really bothering you. It will only get worse if you just stay silent, and let your husband continue to think that everything is ok. If you haven't said anything to him, he might think that you're as into this as he is, and be totally oblivious to your worries.
If you do decide to have another threesome, I suggest setting down some rules before you even begin. Let everyone involved know what each one is comfortable with, and find out where your boundaries are. If you aren't comfortable, you won't have fun, and it will just cause problems in the long run.
2006-08-07 15:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by Joy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When we get married, shouldn't we know what is marriage about first? I am not against 3some, or any many-some. But how can a couple remain a normal marriage with this type of relationship? A husband allow other guy have sex with the wife, how much he respect you as a wife? How much he respect this marriage? And vice versa, ask yourself, how much you respect this marriage? You should tell your husband that's just a stupid act out of alcohol, and you will never want to do it again.
2006-08-07 21:12:22 · answer #6 · answered by Tan D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you shouldnt be blaming it on being drunk, you still knew what you were doing and you agreed to it. Thats just an excuse now to blame it elsewhere. Its only fair that you give him a chance with another woman now, and it will most likely cause you a relationship problem. Specially if it gets out to the family. maybe you should quit drinkin so much and get a real life. This will be a thorn in both of your sides for years to come.
2006-08-07 15:22:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy Crap... i read the reply from brandiejs1979 about the devil... what a crock. my wife and i have had lots of experiences and they all involve alcohol... maybe im the devil?
Its a comfort thing..you need to decide what your limits are. If you need to have a 3way with another woman to find out what you limits are... then do it. If after wards you decide you don't like it than tell you man how you feel. If you like it... tell him that.
When my wife and i did it for the first time it was really weird after wards. we decided that we didn't wanna do it anymore. then a few weeks later we got drunk with some friends and all ended up in the sack... had a great time. It has never been awkward after that. kinda weird how it works... find out for yourself.
maybe brandiejs1978 will pray for you.
2006-08-07 15:28:08 · answer #8 · answered by ryanlas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's done is done and cannot be undone. If you have no qualms about it and would like to continue doing it if your husband suggest, then by all means shed off your inhibitions and do it. But if you are feeling real guilty about it, then have a talk with your husband about it and tell him how you feel about the 3some. Alcohol is always the devil.
2006-08-08 03:37:07 · answer #9 · answered by Lawrence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice it to be totally open and honest with your husband. Talk out your feelings. Don't just talk, listen to what he has to say also. If you had fun and want to do it in the future then you must be honest and understand that your husband may want the same thing with 2 women. Honest communication is the only thing that will truly work.
2006-08-07 15:20:55 · answer #10 · answered by Alaska 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋