My mother hasn’t liked me since I have been with her son.
Its been almost 5 years. She’s makes pissy faces when my husband has mentioned us starting a family.
How should we tell her that we are expecting our first child?
Our children will be her only grandchildren since she has only one child (my husband).
She’s not married/in a relationship so there are no step-grandchildren.
Should I tell her in front of all the family so she can’t be a *****?
Should we just tell her or should we tell her by doing something cute (picture frame, bib, etc.)?
2006-08-07 07:23:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I hate my MIL, and the feeling is mutual.
Tell her in front of family. That way, if she does make a face or stink, it's her who looks like the big *****!
Congratulations!
2006-08-07 07:27:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't have to tell her in a cute way, has she ever been cute to you?! I was in the same boat as you. Mine had lied to her family about me to get them against me and to put the pressure on my partner to leave me!
We'd been together for 4 years when i fell pregnant the first time. It was my partner that said to her on the phone that we were expecting a baby, and she said (in French)"I pity you"!
When i found out i was expecting twins people would come into our shop (she works with us) and congratulate her and i heard from them that she'd said "i'm already a grandmother to my daughters children, it's no big deal". After a while she excepted it and started to make an effort to be nice to me.
I lost the twins when i was 5 months pregnant and after two weeks she went right back to how she'd been before!
3 months later i did a pregnancy test the day my period was due and it showed positive, so i went running to our shop to tell my partner and his mum walked in just after for the afternoon shift.
She asked what was up and i told her the good news. She just said "oh really" in a very sarcastic voice and asked by how many weeks. I told her 6 weeks and she said"oh that's nothing - i don't know what you're getting so excited about". Can you believe it?! after all the crap i'd gone through in the previous 3 months she had the cheek to say that!
So i stopped working while i was pregnant and ignored her for 5 months.
Now she is an angel (well almost!) to me and adores her little granddaughter, she wouldn't dare upset me now as she risks not seeing her granddaughter (and i think i'm right - after all she has done i don't have to let my baby see her if she is nasty again).
So be prepared to be hurt once more by her at first, once your belly is big she'll realise that you are there to stay and that there is nothing she can do about it! Above all don't let her get under your skin, especially in the first 3 months as all that stress could harm your baby.
Oh, and i reckon it'd be best if your husband tells her - after all, i'm sure it was you that told your mother, it's natural. Plus, if she's upset about it it's him who can tell her off!
Good Luck!
2006-08-11 05:37:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats! =)
She's just jealous and afraid that you will steal even more of the male support and time she used to have from her son before he grew up and became a man. Not uncommon, although it really sucks!
Tell her you have great news... she will have a grandchild to cuddle! Try to overlook the pissy faces. She's not being nice, but know that she's just hurting inside and that she is just showing it outwardly in a negative way instead of dealing with it appropriately.
2006-08-07 14:46:56 · answer #3 · answered by ~blessss♫☼ ♪♥ ☼ ♠♫ ♣☺☻ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to be pissy about you starting a family, then tell her when the rest of the family is around. There is no need to give her special attention because she probably wont appreciate it anyway. At least by having the other family there to celebrate, you wont be made to feel bad by her negative attitude. Good Luck.
2006-08-07 14:29:05 · answer #4 · answered by neabean18 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, just have your husband tell her over the telephone. Even though you don't like her, it will still hurt to see the look on her face of disappointment (or if she's a good actress, fake enthusiasm).
Save yourself the trouble and tell her on the phone. Try to keep your pregnancy as positive and stressfress as possible. Stay away from her and all her negativity, you can actually pass that on to the baby in the womb. And who wants that?
2006-08-07 14:35:14 · answer #5 · answered by curious_maya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your husband should tell her together. Maybe catch her at a time when it's just the three of you, that way she can react how she wants and you can gently put her in her place.
If she says something snotty about your pregnancy, just calmly say to her "We're excited about this baby and we hope that you'll be excited too."
You can't make her be happy for you, but you don't have to spend a lot of time with her either. Make sure your husband is on your side, though, or things could get tricky....
2006-08-07 14:28:54 · answer #6 · answered by braks_gurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely tell her in front of the group. I wouldn't try anything cute, since she'll probably be awful. Maybe this will finally warm her up. My mother and I never got along until I had her first grandchild. It took 32 years for us to get along.
2006-08-07 14:32:24 · answer #7 · answered by Carol R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
F the B. Don't tell her, or just let your husband do it over the phone. Why would you want to go out of your way for her if she doesn't like you or the idea of a family? Screw her, this is your time to be happy and enjoy your experience, not cater to her
b!tchiness.
2006-08-07 14:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We called his sister and had her tell my m.i.l. She still managed to ruin my pregnancy. We get along okay now, but only b/c we finally set down limits and I yelled at her and her daughter, the one who told her I was preggers in the beginning. I would go with the cute picture frame thing. Get one that says "I LOVE MY NANA." Maybe this will help her to at least get along with you. Congrats on being preggers though!
2006-08-07 14:44:35 · answer #9 · answered by sean's_mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My rule when dealing with situations like that is, always take the high road. If you make a genuine attempt to include her, and she is nasty about it, you can leave that situation feeling ok. You know you did your best.
Hopefully her grandchild will soften her heart, and maybe then she will be more supportive of you.
Congratulations!
2006-08-07 15:29:35 · answer #10 · answered by mylittletribe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋